"In sickness and in health"

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Samuel S.

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"In sickness and in health"
« on: May 16, 2018, 09:01:11 PM »
Yes, this phrase during the wedding ceremony doesn't seem to apply with my PDw, and I am sure this is the unfortunate case when you non PDs are sick with your PD being around.

Due to my schedule and encountering all kinds of students and seeing that the weather has changed from cold to hot to cold to hot, I finally came down with a cold/flu. So, I cancelled the rest of my tutoring appointments for this week out of consideration of my students. I just don't want to get them sick, and I am just staying at our place. On the other hand, she looked at me and said that due to being sick, that my sadness and my grief are showing. I just said tactfully that I can accept what she said, although I didn't say that I don't agree with her. After all, I am sick, and I don't need any more confrontation.

To the credit of my PDw, she has served me hot tea and different pills. She even did acupuncture on me, but I don't think it really helped.

Along with all of this, my PDw was mildly upset that I supposedly didn't help her when she had a cold about a week ago. Who knows? Maybe, I got it from her. No matter what, she complained that I didn't help her, although I offered to do so many times, and she has conveniently forgotten that.

To top it all off, she had a tooth extracted today. She returned, and she said she was okay. Now, she is studying for her state boards for acupuncture.

Yes, "in sickness and in health" only applies to the PD. If we nonPDs become sick, that's a no no.

Re: "In sickness and in health"
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2018, 10:08:12 PM »
This has been my experience as well.  My PDh can not stand it when I'm ill, or sleepy when it's not his bedtime, or tired when he is the hardest worker in the house, because according to him he is the only person in the house who ever does anything.  The way I have viewed my marriage vows of "for better or for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" is this .... most of my married days have been worse, poor, and sick (him, or him making me sick).  But this is what I signed up for when I took those vows and made that promise.  So I have learned to take one day at a time, sometimes 1 hour at a time,  I have stopped hoping for better, rich, and health when my PDh is present.  Because of his illness I can only be happy and at peace when I am alone, or with others and he is not there. 

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DancingRain

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Re: "In sickness and in health"
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2018, 09:37:42 AM »
I think itís pretty common in a marriage with a PD for the vows to only go one way. IME, itís been all about me killing myself to uphold my end of the bargain, while he has a million excuses as to why he canít. Or jus outright gaslights me to get me to believe he is the perfect husband. Anyway, it isnít an exhausting way to live.

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Samuel S.

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Re: "In sickness and in health"
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2018, 01:46:41 AM »
Yes, DancingRain, it is an exhausting way to live!

A few days ago, my PDw had a tooth extracted, and she is taking an antibiotic which she just admitted tonight that it is helping her, thank goodness! BTW, I have been conscientious, concerned, and loving, wanting to know how she feels, because I am her husband!

Today, I saw my primary doctor, because I had to get a Xanax refill, a TB test, and mentioned to him that I had a cold, and I have had some chest discomfort when coughing, possibly bronchitis. He examined me, and he determined that I have a mild case of it. Thus, he prescribed an antibiotic and cough syrup. So, I have taken the first dose, and I will be fine. I notified my PDw what I had and what I was prescribed along with mentioning about getting some errands done for us, for which she texted me back with "thank you".

Tonight, she returned from working, complaining my primary doctor should not have prescribed anything to me. Without saying how hypocritical she has been, I just asked her how her antibiotic has been helping her, and she said it has been working fine. Ah, the irony of it all! She hasn't said anything since then, literally! BTW, she didn't even ask me how I was feeling, but that is okay. She is a PDw, and I can't expect her to really care, since the world has to revolve around her only! UGH!

BTW, I think my first wife in retrospect was a PD, because when she would be ill, she needed to be pampered which I gladly did, because I was her husband. Yet, when I had some significant pain in my hand, she said that it was all in my head. Nevertheless, I ignored her comment and got a diagnosis which required me to get a steroid shot between my knuckles which was no fun, but it worked.

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Samuel S.

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Re: "In sickness and in health"
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2018, 02:32:45 PM »
Last night, after my PDw took her shower, she interrupted me while I was reading a book. She began talking about her deceased D25, how their lives would have been different. I just listened. Also, I just held her hand and looked at her to give her comfort. Then, she started talking about our turbulent past in which she hasn't liked my son-in-law whom she feels has not lived up to his potential, that he is no good for my D44. Due to having been sexually abused by his father, she said that now that they have kids, that her "medium counselor" has basically hexed him from hurting the kids. Then, she went on to say that her "medium counselor" believes that my D44 is a lesbian and that she is not happy. Previously, when she had said these absurd things, I told her she was crazy, that while my son-in-law and D44 are not perfect, she doesn't really know how they are now, which is way better. They are very happy with each other and with their kids. They both have loving hearts. I have been around them enough to know that this is the case. Nevertheless, my PDw is so grieving, so derogatory, so mean, that it is better for her to lash out about others so that she can feel better. Yes, not only my son-in-law and my D44, but her own friends and her own family, she has attacked.

After all of this last night, I tried putting up my imaginary shield so I could go to sleep, but I couldn't sleep well. So, I had to take something (Xanax) to calm myself down to get some sleep.