Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!

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Faith123

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Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!
« on: July 10, 2018, 06:28:33 AM »
Oh share your experiences, I would love to hear what works for you in hopes of moving along my journey.

A journey it has been, oh what a journey the last three years of being married to a very well disguised narcissist have been. I knew the night of our wedding that something subtle had switched but I couldn't put my finger on it. After a year of therapy and warnings of divorce, I am happy to report that I finally pulled out enough courage to leave the man I once loved more than life it's self. What I wasn't prepared for was the aftermath of C-PTSD which has persisted for several months ( I hear it can take years to overcome it, but I am hopeful that with support I can overcome the sleepless nights and tears at the drop of a pin). 

I am open to any and all advice or stories that shine hope on this topic.

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Lillith65

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Re: Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2018, 07:58:42 PM »
I am 8 months away from my ex NPD partner - who I loved like no other and trauma bonded with. Iím in therapy and attending a CoDA group for co-dependents.

I cry less. I think about him less.

However, I still find that I am unpredictably overwhelmed by grief at being devalued and discarded, anger at how he abused me and hopelessness that it will be OK. This is less often. In the beginning it was most of the day, everyday, now it is slightly more than weekly. Tiredness and illness make it worse.

I swing between wanting to beg him to take me back and wanting to rage at him for how he abused me.

The sense of having been deceived and humiliated are terribly painful still, as is the knowledge that he wanted me dead. He tried to convince me to kill myself during the break up which I find devastating.

I have very little trust in other men and when I am (quite often) being chatted up my first thought is whether he is another abuser, my second thought is how he is trying to exploit me and my third thought is that he go away because he is not my ex.

I am sorry that I canít share a more hopeful story......yet.

« Last Edit: July 10, 2018, 08:02:43 PM by Lillith65 »

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Faith123

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Re: Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2018, 03:54:40 AM »
No apologies, thank you for sharing it as I relate to so much of what you just expressed.

I too struggle with the idea of accepting another man into my heart, and I certainly have trust issues with most men on this planet. It is good to know that I am not alone in this suspicion of others but this is also the one I want to break more than anything else. I want to let people into my heart again but I feel that it is guarded by a massive brick wall.

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Lillith65

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Re: Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2018, 10:31:26 AM »
Iím not sure that I will ever regain the level of trust I had in others before I met my ex.

He presented so innocently and was so convincing. It was only after my complete commitment to him that the monsterous behaviour emerged. I was thoroughly gaslighted into believing that I was the sick one and that it was my job to change.

I am seriously considering whether I ever want another close relationship, but I may be older than you (earlier 50s) and have two divorces behind me already.

I am sorry that you have endured this yourself.

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Whiteheron

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Re: Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2018, 05:34:17 PM »
I have no advice, only to mention we have a sister site, Out of the Storm, which focuses on CPTSD. I can't say if it helps, I am not a member.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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carrots

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Re: Dealing with C-PTSD Advice Please!
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2018, 07:22:24 PM »
I'm on Out Of The Storm and here. I find both websites really useful for different things. Out Of The Storm is more geared to the cptsd itself and how to heal from it and/or live with it. Learning boundaries and dealing with other people is more here. There is overlap though.

If you got cptsd due to your relationship and not from childhood onwards, healing might not take so long because there is probably a healthy 'you' to go back to, something that's missing in those of us neglected/abused since early childhood by uPD parents. Also you're clear of your abuser, you got out of that :thumbup: Not everybody manages so fast. It's an important step in healing. (Or at least getting out of emotional dependence. I'm still working on that myself.)

Feel free to drop by the OOTS forum e.g. here http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=181.0 or look at information e.g. here http://www.outofthestorm.website/treatment/