Everyone's out to get them

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11JB68

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Everyone's out to get them
« on: August 13, 2018, 12:33:42 AM »
So....I know there is specifically a PPD. But I feel like "paranoia" or at least a sense that everyone's out to get them is a significant part of other PDs too. I wonder how much of it is really paranoia and how much is sort of a narc self centeredness...

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MRound

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2018, 03:27:09 AM »
I think you are right—My guess would be many PDs tend to be negative about other people and are self centered.

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Whiteheron

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2018, 09:18:22 AM »
Everyone's out to get them, no one's to be trusted...not even me! He only ever trusted his parents (abusive alcoholic and enabler). I just assumed he had a touch of PPD mixed in with the NPD/BPD (and a few traits of ASPD sprinkled in to make things interesting).

Toward the end of our marriage he became very paranoid. My folding laundry became "suspicious," me being tired at bedtime meant "something was going on!" going to the gym meant I was "on the lookout" for other men. Even though I'd had the same gym routine for two years. Taking the kids to their regularly scheduled activity set off a paranoid rant/rage about where we were, what exactly we were doing and with whom? When telling him it was the kids' regularly scheduled lesson he didn't believe me because we hadn't gone the week prior (kids were sick).  :roll:
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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clara

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2018, 10:14:34 AM »
I've run into the paranoid aspect of PD in a couple of NPDs in my life, and it was truly strange.  One, however, was pretty much off the scale. Like you, Whiteheron, everything I did that didn't involve him, or allow his observation, was "suspicious."  If I was a few minutes late coming home from work, he was all where have you been and what have you been doing?  He even once accused me of having a man in the house...while we were both there! (like, when and how would I have gotten him in--through the window?)  He couldn't see the illogic of his accusations, he only needed to make them and try to get me worried and stay in line.  Fortunately, I wasn't married to him and he was living in my house, so after a year of this I told him he had to go. 

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11JB68

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2018, 04:20:01 PM »
'Paranoid' incidents I can remember:
1) (when we briefly worked at the same co and had the same miserable boss) "you must have a thing for him" (the miserable boss....yeah, no...)
2) (the last time he tried to pump gas - usually my job-he had me go in to pay and have the pump turned on, but somehow it wasn't working) when I returned to the car: "What did you do?? Did you tell him to turn it off??" (HUH???)
Somehow I feel like there are others, but going through my journal/timeline I'm not finding them...

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blunk

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2018, 05:23:45 PM »
I faced this a few times with my BPDxh.

One evening after work I went to the gym and realized on the way home that I was nearly out of gas. It was supposed to rain the next morning, and I am not a morning person to begin with, so I decided to stop on the way home. When I got home (in my sweaty gym clothes) he was screaming that I didn't go to the gym and I must have been screwing around because I came from the wrong way. This was before I knew that JADE was a thing, and I tried to explain what happened. When he persisted I got frustrated, and offered to go back to the gym and have them verify that I swiped in at the time I said I did. He just said, you're smart, you know how to fake things like that.

Another time I went grocery shopping and took about an hour and a half (mind you he was not working at the time, but somehow the task still fell to me). When I got home it was...I know you were out with so and so (a friend who lived 40 minutes away and did not have a car). Again, I tried to explain. If that were true just the round trip would have taken me an hour and 20 minutes. There was no possible way that I could have been where he accused me of being plus completed a full week of grocery shopping in 10 minutes.

Not to mention he would go through my phone at will. If he saw that someone else texted me around the same time he did and I happened to answer them first it was a world class rage because I was ignoring him. It didn't matter if it was family, friends, or even my boss.

I'm sure there are a lot more examples if I sat and thought about it. But it all goes to prove that, yes, there is definitely a paranoid component to many different PDs.

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20yrsofcrazy

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 07:55:56 PM »
 FOR SURE! 

My unpd/bpdh basically views his life as one big conspiracy theory.  Everyone is out to get him.  If there's a slow car on the highway...they're only there to annoy him.  If there's a cigarette butt in our driveway... I've had someone over because obviously I'd only be with a smoker.  (Neither of us smoke.)  He has supposedly seen tire tracks in our gravel driveway that don't belong to us...so I've had a man over.  He can't find a tshirt he hasn't worn in 2 years...i must have let another guy have/wear it.  :stars:

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Spygirl

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2018, 12:06:39 AM »
Goodness,

Hate to say I am a full member of this club,
But very proud of all us seeing the light eventually!

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Findingmyvoice

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2018, 12:40:57 PM »
PDw has been diagnosed as BPD from one psychiatrist, but "cluster B" from another psychiatrist.
I think they have a tough time diagnosing because she is a mixed bag, many narc traits as well as BPD with some PPD mixed in.

PDw thought that her employer would come to our house and abduct our children or harm her.
She thought everyone at work was out to get her.

One day she witnessed a small fender bender in a grocery store parking lot.  She completely lost it on me because I was working in the garage when she got home and she had to immediately pull her car into the garage in case she was followed home and assaulted by the person she witnessed in the accident.

Our neighbor sent her a video on fb that was intended to be a joke and she thought that it designed specifically to target, threaten and intimidate her.

Friends sent us a xmas card with a picture of their daughters wedding on the front.  She was adamant that they chose this picture (and sent it out to all of their friends and family) just to target her and "stick it to her" for not inviting them to our wedding 14 years ago.

If I was 5 minutes late from work because I stopped to get gas, I was cheating on her.
 
Many of the seeds of paranoia were planted by her mother when she was young.  She has told me many stories of her mom being up late at night and stories of people hiding in the bushes or stealing their apples or being followed, chased, pursued by random people.
Her mother drives a Cadillac and constantly thinks that people are out to get her because they are jealous of her car.
Some of her moms stories are just ridiculous about the lengths that people go through to persecute her for her choice of vehicle.

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Spindrift Secret

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2018, 01:16:10 PM »
My STBX is like this too.  So many normal, stupid things that she considers suspicious!  Years ago it was that she always thought I was cheating/going to cheat, but eventually she dropped that but nowadays it's that I'm secretly going to move out earlier than I said I would.  I just kind of roll my eyes at it at this point.  More irritating (to me) is her constant assertions that people are being rude to her or that someone was a jerk.  I find it hard to believe that every clerk, salesperson, nurse, etc was being rude to her!  My experience of the world has been the opposite -- most people are generally pleasant.  I have to wonder if it's something she's doing, or if it's just a weird perception that she has.  Either way, I can't imagine going through life that way.

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Findingmyvoice

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2018, 02:03:51 PM »
Spindrift,
I have the same idea as you about people.
People are generally good, not malicious or intentionally doing things to hurt others.
Sometimes people do hurt others but not many people will go out of their way to cause trouble for someone else.

It's probably both.  She treats people poorly so gets treated poorly in return.
Also her idea that everyone is trying to screw her over causes her to treat people poorly.
PDw and her mother both seem to always have (or create) problems with people.

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coweringRecluse

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2018, 02:53:56 PM »
I think you are right—My guess would be many PDs tend to be negative about other people and are self centered.

Yeah, my uBPDm is extremely negative.  It's like a life necessity for her.  I have seen a few occasions where someone was able to prove to her that her negative views were not in fact true and she acted like the person was choking her to death.  That of course is just more proof to her that everyone is in fact out to get her.  She deliberately bathes her mind in this negative world view and I used to wonder if that is what made her what she is today.  Since coming here I have wondered if this excessive negativity is just another trait of being a PD.
The more you see of the Herr Kommandant the more you see there are no set rules you can live by, you cannot say to yourself, "If I follow these rules, I will be safe."

Helen Hirsch - Schindler's List

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Spygirl

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2018, 04:54:01 PM »
Yup.

House is bugged

Govmnt follows him "because he is so important"

All his coworkers want his job, or are plotting to get him fired.

Car is bugged.

I am a spy. I married him to either;
Steal govmnt project secrets
Murder him
Steal all his money
Alienate him from friends

I am hiding large sums of money

I planned my departure. The proof? I left and lived out of a trash bag with a mattress and one chair for 3 months in my rental hs.

 :wave:

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blunk

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2018, 10:44:44 PM »
Oh my goodness, Spygirl. Your post reminded me of a couple of examples that I had completely forgotten.

The company I work for is in a roundabout way related to state government. My BPDxh would always "joke" that I really worked for the CIA. At least I thought it was a joke...at first. But he would go on about it long beyond the point of humor. To the point where I would panic if I had to travel for work, or even if I had to be in meetings or classes for any more than an hour or so.

The other one that always bothered me was that he always insisted that his mother liked/loved me more than she did him. She and I got along just fine, but I cannot imagine a parent loving a spouse more than their own child.

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Spygirl

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2018, 02:36:08 AM »
Blink
Are we married to the same
Person?

How many affairs were you accused of, while also not being acceptably dressed, or groomed?

Were you consistently silenced because you had nothing "smart or funny" to say?

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Whiteheron

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2018, 09:05:08 AM »
How many affairs were you accused of, while also not being acceptably dressed, or groomed?

 :yeahthat:
YES!
He always told me I dressed like a "slob", yet I was constantly accused of trying to attract men to have affairs with  :stars:
I guess men are really looking for slobs?
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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all4peace

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2018, 11:11:34 AM »
I think it's also a way to explain why they have so many problems with so many people. If you think about it, if an N cannot self reflect, how else could they explain why so many people are confronting them or leaving them? What a sad and lonely way to go through life.

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blunk

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2018, 01:38:26 PM »
Blink
Are we married to the same
Person?

How many affairs were you accused of, while also not being acceptably dressed, or groomed?

Were you consistently silenced because you had nothing "smart or funny" to say?

 :yeahthat:
Oh, I can't even count how many times I was accused. I don't know how I could have gotten away with it, he had to know where I was and who I was with at all times. And I had to answer his texts within a minute (even if we were in the same room) or I must be with someone else or talking to someone else, even when my phone was on the charger in a different room...that was because I was hiding my phone from him.

Meanwhile I was called fat and ugly on a regular basis. The sad part is that I was 5'2" and about 140, so yes I was heavier that I should have been...but he was 6' and 270. Also, if I shaved my legs it must be for someone else, if I didn't I was a disgusting hairy gorilla. If I dressed up or wore makeup I was getting myself dolled up for my lover, but if I wore unflattering clothes I was a lazy slob (oh the irony of him calling me lazy).

And, yes, I was silenced, but usually because he would say something that was incorrect and I would try to explain that it was incorrect, normally with proof, and I was a f*@%ing know it all. One evening we had our new neighbors over and we were talking about when our house was built, he said it was '57, I responded (without thinking about the consequences obviously) actually it was '53 (I remember because it was the year before my parents were born). He didn't say anything right then, but shot me a death glare. After they left he went into a rage about how I always have to be right, and make him look bad. That was when he wasn't calling me stupid.

He thought he was the funniest person ever, and would frequently make jokes at my expense. If I didn't laugh it was because I have no sense of humor, or I'm too sensitive. But heaven forbid I ever made a joke at his expense, I was a bitch, and if I did it in front of other people...I'd hear about it for weeks on end.

The whole experience was so exhausting, I don't know how I lasted as long as I did in that marriage.

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Spygirl

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2018, 02:50:37 PM »
You see

We are not the disordered ones. We can't imagine doing this to someone intentionally, unless in earnest jest, without genuine desire to.hurt another.

I am working very hard at getting back to the shining light I was before we married. The candle that attracted the moth in the first place.

I am also guarding my light selfishly to only be seen by those who are like me. Everyone else gets gray rock from now on.

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redfish

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Re: Everyone's out to get them
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2018, 07:17:12 PM »
My Ex believes squirrels are trying to cause him to crash when they do their squirrely thing of running out into the road.....

So instead he purposely swerved to run them over.
I was in his vehicle several times for the attempted squirrelicides, and he's openly admitted to others that 'squirrels try to make' him crash.
He's gotten weird looks but I think ppl always think he's joking.

He also wouldn't sell some property adjoining his cuz 'they might cut down trees and people will see what he does' on his property.
If Cinderella went back to pick up her shoe she never would've become a princess