Very frustrated!

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Penny Lane

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Very frustrated!
« on: October 04, 2018, 12:45:46 PM »
I posted last night about the effects on the kids but I wanted to make this a separate post because this is kind of a different topic (although all related to BM going through a really bad time right now).

My fiance has recently been trying to make a big push lately to get finances/paperwork in order and it turns out there is a LOT TO DO. Turns out BM has been leaving his name off of pretty much every form she's filled out, going back to the divorce and so all the bills and paperwork have been coming to her house. And instead of paying the bills, or even sending them to my fiance, she's just ... I don't know, ignoring them or hiding them or losing them or something? So it turns out that they owe almost a thousand dollars that my fiance just didn't know about, spread out to a whole bunch of different places like doctors offices or the soccer league the kids were in two years ago.

So you would think, if you have all these collectors coming after you, that if someone was like "hey I want to pay this bill, can you send it to me?" you would do that gladly, right? Not in this case! She has put up so many obstacles including: refusing to tell the doctors that they can communicate with my fiance about his own kid's medical care, refusing to send him the bills she's gotten or just sending one incomplete bill so he can't see the total owed, signing up for an online account for the kids, refusing to share the login and then saying "you can see this online I don't have to send it to you," and then when all that fails, just not responding to his emails about it. I guess she's too busy trying to make my stepson hate his father to actually PAY HIS MEDICAL BILLS.

My fiance has kept at it and she recently, finally did start paying some of these. But she's not paying the total - it seems like she's picking an amount at random and paying that, which makes it even more complicated to figure out what is paid, what is owed, and who owes it. I honestly think she doesn't understand this and furthermore she doesn't want it to be clear anyone (because then she'd have to pay her full share) so she's both misunderstanding things and purposely making it difficult. Oh and her latest line is that this is somehow my fiance's fault for not trying hard enough.

Separate from all this she owes him hundreds of dollars going back years, and she's ignored that for years and now she's complaining to him that he makes it "too complicated" for her to figure out if she really owes him this money (even though he's been saying the same thing consistently the whole time. It wouldn't be complicated if she paid him back for expenses like she's supposed to!)

Fiance is doing everything right and he's actually getting her to address this. But I can't believe we have another 10 years of this bs!

Thanks for listening to my rant, I hope you are all having a much less frustrating day than I am.

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Latchkey

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2018, 12:23:09 AM »
I'm sorry about this. Yes, 10 years and more....
I wish I had a solution, my solution was just to pay everything both with my ex to my bio kids and with my former step kids as well. (Their mom has BPD and couldn't handle finances at all)
It sounds like your SO's exW might have some possibly paranoid or maybe some kind of anti-authority thinking in regards to this stuff. Steal from those who don't deserve the money because they already have enough.....?? I don't know why she would do this but it sounds like things likely not to land on her credit report. If they are landing on your SO's (fiance's) credit then it's more of a concern (if you are in the US for sure). Many of us here have had their credit messed up destroyed by their PDex's and it can take years to rebuild. I went through it in both my divorces.

And, just to illustrate how random amounts of money are not just in your mind or only something going on with your SO's exW....I just got a child support check from BPD/ASPD exH1  for the first time in 3 years. My kids are now 19 and 21. In my state the interest and payments keeps adding up even after 18 if the balance is not paid. Yes, it's a random amount. Likely a check my kids' Dad decided to write for an amount that doesn't even begin to cover what he owes nor does it address his half of anything for the past 13 years. I'll take it but I gave up trying to make sense of it long ago.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2018, 12:26:26 AM by Latchkey »
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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2018, 12:50:58 AM »
Thankfully, my uNPD exH does pay the correct amount of child support and on time.

He does keep lowering his taxable income though, so the amount of child support is gradually decreasing.

He seems to think that the amount he provides is enough to cover ALL of ds's 11's costs.  I wish.

He flatly refuses to contribute to ds11's medical costs if they occur on "my time".
He flatly refuses to contribute to school fees etc as well.

He owes me at least $10,000.

The whole situation has been getting more and more complicated with his constant moving of goal posts etc. It's been doing my head in for 6 years.

I've very recently had a bit of an epiphany on the situation.

It's impossible to coparent with my uNPD exH. So I basically parallel parent to the best of my ability.

And I now believe I have to think the same way regarding the finances.

So I'm trying to chase away the thoughts of "He should be paying/refunding me $x."  Instead I'm trying to be more thankful that God is providing me with the means to pay for it myself.

By not expecting or asking uNPD exH for the money he should pay, by radically accepting that he simply won't do the right thing, I feel strangely free.

I'm living on roughly a 5th of the income that uNPD exH and his uNPD wife have, and yet, so far, I have enough.  Thanks to God.

I realise that others are in a far more difficult financial situation than I am, and they have more children and more difficult exes.

But I guess the lesson I'm learning is to reverse my thinking to a more positive mindset. And to radically accept the situation for the fact that he's not likely to change.

My rambling is not hugely relevant to the previous posts but I guess it's food for thought.

Perhaps once the paperwork is sorted and the outstanding bills have been paid, you could proceed to pay for everything yourself. Then collect all of the receipts together and chase up the exes' shares of the costs through the child support agency each year.

Or just abandon all hope of being remunerated and pretend the exes don't exist.

AOD

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athene1399

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2018, 12:36:53 PM »
Penny,

I am sorry. This sounds like a stressful situation. I think maybe your best bet is to contact the doctor's offices directly and explain the situation and see if you (by you I mean SO) can get copies of what is owed so he can pay. If he has a court agreement showing he is to pay them directly, that could help too. But I do not know if that will work. My SO tried to get the ortho bill in his name so he could pay it and they wouldn't let him do that without BM's permission. The court order was for him to pay her and not them. Guess who paid his half and who stills owes money to the office (and it was supposed to be paid off last Aug, so over a year overdue). At least if anything comes up he can prove he paid his half of the money to her as ordered and she didn't pay it to the ortho like she was supposed to.

At least keep track of how often SO reaches out to BM to try to get the bills paid so if she tries to say he never tried you have proof that he did.

At the very least, have SO contact the doctor to get permission to view the medical records of the kids. I thought it was law that both parents have access to at least that. If she's trying to cut him out, I would make note of that and bring it up next time (if there is a next time) you go to court with her. And if the doctor's office and the ex won't give him access to the bills, at least he can prove he tried.


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Penny Lane

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2018, 03:15:39 PM »
Thanks everyone. I agree that the simplest solution would be for us to just pay for everything. To some degree the problem is that we can't afford it. BM makes way more than SO, although we also have my salary, plus she has a ton of debt that we don't. But SO is STILL paying child support, way more than he should be, and so it's pretty frustrating that our money goes to that and then on top of it we have to pay for everything. Plus, she stole a bunch of money from SO around the time of the divorce as well as getting him in debt during the marriage, and I think he just can't bring himself to pay for her share of stuff without any expectation of getting paid back.

I guess he and I both might need to work on that radical acceptance. I like the idea of that mindset, AOD, though we're definitely not there yet. Maybe we can at least move in that direction, keep track of receipts and all that but try not to get as invested in the idea of actually getting paid back.

Latchkey, yes, the random numbers! It's mind-boggling! It seems like any time there's anything involving money BM will just come up with another number and state it as a fact. This is a fictional but based on several real incidents exchange:
SO: OK, the bill is $200. I've paid $100 so you need to pay $100 to them. (no response).
SO: All right the second bill is $100, I've paid $50 so you need to pay $150. (no response).
SO: Now there are late fees so your total is $200, to be paid directly to them.
BM: I paid another doctor the $100 I owe them.
SO: Great! You still owe $200 to this one. (no response)
SO: Hey where are you at on this?
BM: I've paid my half, which is $75.

 :blowup:

Meanwhile that whole time bills are coming in and SO is asking for them and she just never sends him anything, so he's not even sure that that $200 is the right number. Or he'll call billing and then she'll call billing and claim they said something totally different than what they told him. Then from then on she'll say that she's paid her half of this bill and that she doesn't need to do anything else, meanwhile the kids keep having appointments and the amount owed keeps going up. All SO can do, really, is to pay his half and let her work out hers with the providers. Luckily, since she leaves his contact info off the forms it seems like it's not affecting his credit score (although his credit score definitely took a hit during the marriage/divorce and he's building it back up). So I'm not as worried about that, I'm more worried about huge unpaid bills with doctors offices causing problems for medical care. Or that the kids won't be able to do activities because she hasn't paid the registration fees she says she does.

I think it's less an anti-authority thing and more like, she thinks everyone is out to screw her financially so she's going to pre-emptively try to screw them. And she has so many bills that she doesn't know how to deal with them other than to pay the one that's most likely to go to collections at that moment. I don't think there's anything we can do about that. SO definitely acts with integrity and pays what he owes, but she just can't see that everything would be better if they both just paid their fair share, rather than her trying to scam money out of him all the time.

athene, their order is written in a way that assumes the mom will be the one taking care of all the bills, all the doctors' appointments, etc. She doesn't do that and the order doesn't contemplate that the dad will do any of it. I assume it's all boilerplate language. He's following the order, but the language makes it harder for sure. He has tons of documentation of trying to resolve this with her, I just don't know that a judge really cares. Her pattern has been to take care of everything right before a court hearing, but it's not feasible to go to court every time a bill isn't getting paid! The medical records are mostly accessible to him but it seems that every doctor's office handles it differently and some are more difficult to get on board than others. You would think it would all be the same because they're all supposed to follow HIPAA, but some have really given him the run-around. They're still in court over other stuff (it's been dragging on almost a year) so maybe he can get some of that language changed in a way that will make it easier for him to deal with.

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elly87

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2018, 04:45:17 PM »
this is so frustrating and I'm sorry (though not surprised) to hear that this is still going on.
As much as possible, can you proactively follow up with all new (and old, periodically) providers/teachers/coaches for the child in order to confirm that they have all necessary contact info? I do this with my NPD xh and picture it like a mother following her crawling baby who is munching a graham cracker and leaving a trail of crumbs. mom has to pick up the crumbs as baby crawls by, blissfully unaware of the mess. we are the moms, NPD x is the baby, and those crumbs are all of the providers who are purposely alienated from the other parent by the NPD x. I do this with older providers as well and found that he will remove my info sometimes from their records so I place it back on.
also, is there any negative consequence if he fails to pay something when she is the primary contact? this may be a dumb question but for us, if they only have NPD x info, they go after him for the balance. if he doesnt pay it, they chase him and im fine..im wondering what the negative consequence is of not paying when he isnt aware, unless its a bill in his name specifically. 

remember, you can only help what is in your control. accept that she will forever leave you guys out of things, because she has a problem involving needing control over others and this is how she does it. choose to use your own power to pick up those crumbs when you want to and assert your right as parents into your kids lives.

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Penny Lane

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2018, 07:26:09 PM »
I had not even considered that she might go back in and delete SO's info on old accounts. Thanks for that tip, we'll keep an eye out for it, definitely sounds like something she would do. Every year she fills out the school forms and leaves SO off, every year he has to chase down administrators to get it fixed, every year he asks her not to do that in the future and she agrees. And yet it's the exact same thing come fall.

Yeah so you'd think that her having unpaid bills in her own name wouldn't affect us at our house but she has still found a way to make it SO's problem!

The first problem is that when she owes money she will go to whatever lengths to hide it. So like there was one specialist where she took one of the kids to an appointment, SO couldn't go and she said that the doctor said the kid was good and didn't need to be seen again. But the kid kept showing the same symptoms and SO kept being like, hey, the kid really needs to go back to the doctor. And BM kept saying, no the doctor said not to do that. But it turns out that she actually owes that doctor's office hundreds of dollars. So I don't think the doctor said not to come back, I think she was trying to hide this bill from SO. Again, I'm not sure why she would hide it because at least half could get paid for. I guess it's just a whole lot of shame around money issues? He finally tracked it down and paid it, but it took months and it's still not totally resolved and in the meantime the kid STILL hasn't gone back to the doctor. At this point she's dug her heels into the position of "don't take the kid to this doctor" and now he's having to fight that too. We've seen this play out over and over - basically it's the coverup (keeping the kids from going to the doctor to hide the bill) not the crime (not paying the bill in the first place) that ends up being the biggest problem. This has happened several times with several different doctors, as well as extracurricular providers, so it's not like it was just a one-off.

The other thing is that SO is worried that she'll let some giant bill go, and then he'll get sued to pay something he wasn't even aware of. And yeah there's a court order, but it would be a huge hassle for him to fight something like that. He looked into it a little and best case scenario, he'd be ordered to pay it and then he'd have to go after BM to pay him back for her half, court fees, etc. Which of course she doesn't have the money to do otherwise they wouldn't be in this situation! And then there's a lesser version of this which is that sometimes she'll sit on bills for several months and the drop it all on him at once, so he'll owe several hundred dollars ASAP. He'll pay it but like I said money is a little tight and it would be much easier to budget if he could just pay the bills as they come in, rather than all at once. So it makes sense to stay on top of it for that reason alone.

Really though the bigger issue than money is leaving his name off accounts. I've been surprised at how hard it's been for him to get people (especially doctors offices) to add his name back to the accounts. And even after he does the school, the doctors, no one seems to be set up to mail out two sets of documents. So even if he gets his name on it, he can call and find out information, but he doesn't get a notice that some documents (like bills or notices from the school) exist. There is a very easy solution to this, which is that they have the school and the doctors send notices to SO's house. But BM won't go for that because, she says, she doesn't trust him to notify her when he gets something in the mail. Of course.

That last part was mostly me venting, thank you all for responding and this has all been really helpful. elly, you are so right, we can only control our actions. I guess to some degree what I need to do is just get used to the idea that SO is going to spend so much time tracking down information that he should just have, and make peace with it. Radical acceptance!

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2018, 08:18:11 PM »
The school thing: Surely the school can set up that both parents receive all documentation and emails etc.  That's what happens in our situation. We even have duplicate reports sent to each of us.

The doctor thing:  what's best for the kids?

Your immediate concern is to get on top of the current health issue. So, perhaps take the child to another doctor?  Or take the birth certificate and relevant court orders to the original doctor, explain the situation and ask if they will see the child again if you pay in full.

I'd hope a court is not going to punish you for looking after your child, even if it contradicts the order.

It's very frustrating that so many medical clinics are unable to have more than one parental contact on their files.  I have the same issue and I've yet to find a solution. And some clinics will bend over backwards for you but others don't want to know you.  Then, if the ex spouse has got in their ear first to say how terrible you are it's maddening!

AOD

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Penny Lane

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2018, 02:36:26 PM »
That's a really good point, focus on the most important thing which is the doctor's visit. The symptoms have subsided, more or less, but they're definitely overdue for a check-in. I'm a little worried that the office wouldn't even see them without BM's permission (even though they share custody) but I also think that if SO really presses, she won't refuse to allow treatment, especially not in writing. I mean even if she thinks it's not necessary, I don't think it would look very good for her to be arguing against going to the doctor on the basis of she doesn't want to pay her bills, you know? Thanks for refocusing me on the most important stuff.

I'm still very frustrated (thanks for letting me vent here). It shouldn't be so hard to get basic medical care for the kids! The medical system is already complicated enough, why does she need to make it so much more so?? It shouldn't take several months to even get her to send a copy of one bill, much less pay for anything. Similarly, we shouldn't have to strategize months in advance to get the kids signed up for appropriate extracurriculars. Everything takes 10 times more time, more effort and more emotional energy than it should. I KNOW, radical acceptance, I'm trying.

With the school, it's definitely less of a problem than the doctors and I do think SO is getting most (but not all) of what he needs to see. Nowadays they do most things electronically so that's fine, both parents have access to things like report cards. The problem is when things get sent home in the kids' backpacks. This has actually gotten worse - BM and SO used to just leave everything in the backpack for the other parent to review and let them know if there was a form to be signed or something. But now BM is taking every piece of paper and saying she's sent copies to SO. But she definitely doesn't and he'll find out after the fact that there was a really important piece of paper that he never saw. He's addressing it with the teachers but at one point a teacher even sent home two copies of something, one for mom and one for dad, and BM took them both! I don't know what you do with that. The other thing is he's not getting any notices or anything mailed to his house. She says nothing is coming in from the school and everything has moved to online, but I'm not sure if I believe that. They certainly used to get papers pre-divorce, SO has a whole file of them. But it's hard to know for sure. That's the whole problem here, right? You don't know what you don't know. I keep feeling it's like playing whack a mole - every time SO gets one thing sorted out, another problem pops up that wasn't even on his radar, usually because BM was actively trying to hide it.

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2018, 06:33:43 PM »
Most schools have weekly newsletters, hard copy and/or online. Many of them print in the newsletter what notices have gone home that week and what notices are due back on which dates.  They also list the various activities that are coming up, like camps, school nurse etc.

Your SO could keep an eye on things that way and ask the school for a copy of the notices each time.

He may already be doing this, though.

I'm not sure I understand the set up your SO has regarding medical appointments. Sorry if I've missed something.

Is there a reason why he can't make an appointment on the time the children are with him, advise BM of the future appointment, take the child to the appointment, pay for it, give the doctor permission to speak with BM about it, then tell BM of the outcome if she doesn't attend?

In other words, do it all himself but give her opportunity to be involved.

My understanding of court orders is that they can, and should, be adjusted as the child gets older.

This can be done by taking the orders back to court.

Or coming to a mutual agreement without the legal hoo har.

I'm wondering if your SO might be able to come to an agreement with his ex that he take care of all financials and medical appointments in return for him paying less child support.

That could be done through mediation.

Sounds fine in theory, I know. But maybe it's worth a shot?

AOD


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athene1399

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2018, 01:38:17 PM »
Quote
I'm wondering if your SO might be able to come to an agreement with his ex that he take care of all financials and medical appointments in return for him paying less child support.
  :yeahthat:

Penny, I am wondering this as well. If SO is still in court, maybe he can show how doctors are refusing to treat the kids based on xw not paying bills when SO is paying his half (on top of child support). Court doesn't care if the adults are being inconvenienced, but if it's affecting the kids they tend to pay attention. I would think doctors refusing treatment of the kids due to her negligence (or at least financial inabilities) is a serious problem. Or at least a potentially one. Especially if she's telling you guys the kids don't need to go to the doctor (per the doctor, per her) when she's covering the fact that they won't see the kids b/c she didn't pay. I would think that's a major issue. Has SO talked to his lawyer about how xw not paying the doctors bills is affecting the kids' medical needs?

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Penny Lane

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2018, 11:55:33 PM »
A new court order would really be ideal. Hopefully he has enough proof that this situation is unworkable that the judge would go for it. Or her attorney would tell her to settle the case rather than take it to trial because all the documentation looks so bad for her. But the court process is so uncertain, and so is dealing with BM, that I don't want to rely on the court to resolve this (although I don't think there's a comprehensive solution that doesn't involve the court). I am really hoping for some kind of court outcome that resolves this issue so we aren't back in another year to deal with this some more!

On the thing about the doctor's appointment, my worry is that BM would cancel the appointment or she would cause such a debacle with the doctor that there would be some more serious repercussion on the kid's health care. I could even see her doing something really terrible, like telling the office that SO is abusive (NOT TRUE) and convincing them to not allow him into appointments or something. Have any of you had experience with something like this? Maybe my fears are overblown but she's definitely messed around with doctors appointments before to hide stuff. And she's at her worst when she feels like she's cornered or money is involved (this would be both) so I don't see it going well.

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athene1399

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2018, 09:30:02 AM »
BM tried shutting my SO out of SD's appointments. They have joint custody with SO as the custodial guardian and BM visitation as agreed upon, but BM kept changing SD's address to her address instead of his. The receptionist at the doctor's office told him she wouldn't change the address back to his and would not make a note not to change it back to BM's. He asked if she wanted him to fax over the custody agreement, and she said no and then changed the address to his and made the note.

I know your situation is slightly different, but it sounds like the current agreement is joint 50/50 custody. Honestly, unless that agreement is legally changed, your SO has every right to doctor's information about his child(ren). So regardless of what line of BS BM tells them about what a jerk he is, that doesn't legally matter. He probably doesn't have a right to BM's finances (but I am not sure how that works), but he should be able to get updates on when appointments are and the health records of the kids. If SO has joint-custody, both parents have equal legal rights over the children. That would include access to doctor's appointments.

If you want some piece of mind, maybe have SO call the offices, explain his situation briefly and offer to send over a copy of the current custody agreement so they know legally where he stands. Unless that agreement changes, BM can say whatever she wants about him and the doctor's cannot refuse him access to his kids' health records and I would think they can't refuse him entry into the appointments either. I think the only exception would have to be if there was a restraining order involved, in which case I think both parents would be allowed separate time with the doctor (but not sure). You can always ask the L for advice and see what he/she thinks would be the best preventative course of action. 

Our BM was telling everyone she was the "defacto residential parent" as if SO ran off out of country or whatever. And she tells everyone how abusive he is, and how there was a conspiracy with the police because nothing happened every time she tried to press charges. So I totally get it. It's so frustrating that they are allowed to say whatever they want in order to continuously play the victim and to get people on their sides. She has to do a smoke screen anytime someone might see the truth about what type of person she really is. But you and I know none of that is true about our SOs, and all of the people that matter know that isn't true, so I guess that has to be enough. :) I hope your situation improves soon!

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2018, 11:46:58 AM »
I'm not sure if this helps, but in Australia one doesn't have to go to court to get or change court orders.

Basically the parties can come to an agreement, whether privately, through mediation or through solicitors. Then the solicitors draw the agreement up in the form of official court orders.  The parties sign them,  then the solicitor sends them to the court, effectively for a rubber stamp.

If you do the legwork yourself it's a lot cheaper. $100s rather than $1000s. But time consuming when dealing with a pd.

AOD

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Penny Lane

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2018, 01:04:36 PM »
Our BM was telling everyone she was the "defacto residential parent" as if SO ran off out of country or whatever

Hahaha! That is totally something our BM would say.  A lot of made up words that sound official but don't actually mean anything. And if I remember right your BF is the custodial parent? So in reality the situation is the opposite of what she's implying.

AOD, that's the case here too and my understanding is that most divorces or other modifications like this don't get decided by a judge but rather worked out between the parties. The problem is, you have to have some AGREEMENT. BM doesn't even agree that there's a problem. She claims she's paid everything she owes and that she's not hiding any financial documents (she hasn't and she is). It's hard to work something out with someone who's not even on the same page about what the facts are! Hopefully she'll come to the table eventually, but he's moving forward with preparing to have a trial (on this and several other issues) just in case. It's an expensive, time-consuming process ... but it's better than the alternative which is to take her to court over each thing as it comes up or to just plug along and hope that she doesn't successfully hide any more giant financial issues.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2018, 01:23:02 PM by Penny Lane »

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2018, 06:15:13 PM »
Ah. Agreement. Yes.

Mine refuses to even agree to disagree.

AOD

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sevenyears

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2018, 05:20:02 AM »
uugghhh Penny Lane. How frustrating. And, certainly you have better things to do with your time than waste it digging out of BMs financial shenanigans. AODs suggestion to make sure that you both are listed on bills and school events is great. Where I live, though, that's not possible, which also creates frustration since my pd won't tell me anything about anything to do with the children unless he wants to complain to me about something "wrong" I've done.

Penny Lane, good luck to your partner in resolving this somehow in or out of court.

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athene1399

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #17 on: October 16, 2018, 11:13:23 AM »
Quote
And if I remember right your BF is the custodial parent?
Yes, but at the time time BM wouldn't let us pick up SD. She kept saying she would call the cops whenever we came to pick up SD. SO finally said "go ahead because I have custody." SD walked out the door ten minutes later. Now we got the visitation schedule back on track (for the most part).

I just don't understand why she won't just let you guys pay the medical bills. But then again, our BM was the same way when we tried to but a bill in SO's name so he could pay it directly. The only other thing I can think of is next time BM says the kids don't need an apt, call the office to check yourself. if they're not going due to owed money, then make an apt somewhere else. We've decreased a lot of problems with medical bills by taking SD ourselves to appointments. I don't know how easy that would be in your situation though. BM probably doesn't care how frustrating it is for you guys because you're the ones stressing over it and trying to take care of it. It feels like she's trying to ignore the problem by not paying anything. I'm sorry this is going on.  :-[ At this point I think best case scenario is to see if you can solve everything in court since you are preparing for a trial anyways. Tell your L every little problem or foreseeable future one and see if it can all get solved at once. Hopefully it can save you some future headaches.

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Penny Lane

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Re: Very frustrated!
« Reply #18 on: October 18, 2018, 12:20:09 PM »
Thanks, sevenyears! It's nice to know that other people understand.

I just don't understand why she won't just let you guys pay the medical bills.

My best guess is that she likes the control of having her name listed on the documents. Then by the time SO found out she'd been hiding it, she was in too deep and didn't want him to know how badly she'd messed up. And letting him list his name on the documents would be admitting she can't handle it AND letting him see the extent of the problem. So instead she just ignores the problem and keeps hiding bills until she's absolutely forced to not do that.

But really ... who knows, nothing she does when it comes to money makes any sense to me at all.