Tipping

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moonbeam

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Tipping
« on: October 12, 2018, 04:32:49 AM »
Has anyone noticed PDs acting off or sometimes even blatantly rude when it comes to tipping and how they treat waiters?

Ive noticed it with several PDs, including my mom.

Lately, my uBPDM is especially put out by feeling like she should tip 20%.

She offered to pay for a birthday lunch (though in actuality her bf was paying) and loudly complained about the check, which suggested either a 20% or 25% tip, as the waiter was in earshot, and I noticed her looking over as if she wanted the waiter to hear.

Not sure what she thought that would accomplish.

Being embarrassing and indignant in situations that most others would consider quite mild seems to be the PD MO.

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clara

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Re: Tipping
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2018, 12:52:50 PM »
I've noticed this in NPDs I've known; it seems to be part of their resentment in feeling like they have to do something for someone else, since they hate doing anything where there's nothing in it for them. 

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elly87

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Re: Tipping
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2018, 02:35:33 PM »
my NPDxH was consistently rude to waiters and I used to feel so embarrassed to go out to eat with him it was one of the reasons I eventually stopped. He would tip decently but begrudgingly, cursing under his breath. he would go overboard when he didnt like something: 'take this away from the table (motioning toward the bread basket) I dont like this' etc...just thinking about this makes me feel embarrassed that I was with him all over again. My non PD BF now is really kind to everyone in the food industry (and otherwise). he worked as a caterer for many years and appreciates the hard work of waitstaff. If he has an issue with the service he discusses it politely.

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Orthocone

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Re: Tipping
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2018, 04:49:07 PM »
Definitely.  I'm a delivery driver and unfortunately get to deal with these types all day/night, both from coworkers/managers and customers, and random people out and about.  Oh well, at least it's only three days a week instead of five or six now. 
"You know makes the night so beautiful?  That the galaxy had a chance to sit in darkness, but it decided to let stars shine bright."-S D-B

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KD5FUL

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Re: Tipping
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2018, 09:32:14 AM »
For my PDstepmom it wasn't the tipping that set her off, it was dealing with the wait staff.

She was always rude and nasty to anyone in a service position.

I'll never forget this one incident:

Several years ago, my BF at the time and I flew across the country to visit my PDf and his PDwife. 

We stayed at a hotel since we were not welcome to stay in my family home.

We invited my PDf to lunch.  I asked him not to bring PDstepmom.  He brought her anyway.  We met at the restaurant, an Italian place; PDstepmom wanted to eat seafoods instead.  No one else wanted seafood and we were already at a restaurant....but we had to leave and go to a seafood restaurant  :stars:

We are seated at the seafood place and the waitress is young, definitely a first year college student.  She takes our orders.  PDstepmom orders "raw shrimp on a plate."

This is a strange order, but the waitress is super polite and professional.  She asks for clarification, "would you like the shrimp steamed and served with butter?"

PDstepmom is incredibly rude and angrily says "No, I want raw shrimp on a plate. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?"

The waitress nods in agreement.

Our food arrives and everyone seems satisfied with what they ordered.  Except for PDstepmom.

She takes one look at her meal and says, "What the f@ck is this!?"

The waitress responds "raw shrimp on a plate."

PDstepmom starts raving "this is not what I ordered!  Why isn't it cooked!?  Why isn't there butter or anything else with it!?"

After some minutes of ranting, PDstepmom cools down enough to order steamed shrimp with butter.....the waitress's initial suggestion.

The meal comes to an end and PDstepmom is upset that the shrimp meal she ate was on the bill.  She thought it should be free, since the waitress messed up the order :stars:

When I was a young lady in the university I also worked in restaurants.  Thank God, I worked in the kitchen so I didn't have to deal with PD diners. 

I felt so badly for the waitress that I excused myself to use the restroom, tracked her down, and gave her a sixty dollar tip and my most sincere apology.

This incident was nearly 8 years ago. 

Since then, I've avoided eating out with PDs whenever possible.
לפום צערא אגרא

A victim of abuse who suffers in silence will suffer the most.

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Orthocone

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Re: Tipping
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2018, 10:14:34 AM »
I just wanted to add, I don't think my mother ever stiffed anyone, but she'd complain about everything if we ate out somewhere.  She once tried to muscle her way into a conversation between a bartender and a customer about the bartender wanting to move to a state I had moved to, and my mother was rudely trying to discourage that as I had already done it (they ignored her).  It was so strange.  She didn't act like this at the store so I never understood it.  When she ordered food for deliver, I remember as a young kid, she'd talk in a condescending way on the phone.  I never went out with her again after the time she and my stepdad took me out for my 30th birthday and my mom sent her steak back twice.  Then proceeded to tell my stepdad and I that we don't "stand up for ourselves".   :stars:
"You know makes the night so beautiful?  That the galaxy had a chance to sit in darkness, but it decided to let stars shine bright."-S D-B

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tommom

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Re: Tipping
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2018, 12:28:40 PM »
Ah, yes! Now my PDh has done wait service in college and delivery, too, so he can relate to those people. (Of course, as a PD, he can feel sympathy, etc. if what is happening reminds him of himself.) But his sister! She once embarassed HIM so much by her behavior to the wait staff in a restaurant, he has refused to go out with her since. I suppose it was a case of him relating it to himself then, too.

I have worked in customer service, or similar,  for many years and you, when you are OOTF, you can really see it in others. Occasionally (to much amusement from me!) another customer will tell off the obnoxious PD, sometimes in such a way that they can't respond. Always makes me smile....
"It is not my job to fix other people; everyone is on their own journey."