would love some advice.....

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my1wish

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would love some advice.....
« on: October 21, 2018, 07:54:10 PM »
So, to make a very long story short, I'm going through my 3rd divorce.  3rd cheating, lying husband.  After several years of emotional abuse and me trying everything humanly possible to "fix" and "save" the marriage, I got a phone call from his long term mistress and suddenly it all made sense.  I left him, actually somewhat grateful for my "get out of jail free" card.
 After a LOT of therapy, self discovery, books, etc.....  I am trying to identify how I end up in destructive, abusive relationships.  I am just now starting to understand.....personality disorders, narc/codependency relationships, etc.  I am working so hard on MYSELF.  I am determined to not get into a relationship like that again and would love any advice/ tips/ insight any of you may have.  I have also identified other relationships in my life that fall into the pattern of being destructive, abusive, being manipulated, used, exploited and have successfully walked away from a couple of "friendships" in the past year or so.  These are HUGE steps for me!  It goes against every grain for me to say "no" to someone or risk "offending" them.  However, I am learning that it can be very refreshing to just stand up for myself and what is best for me!"
So now, I have learned some things and "survived" this last break up, done the self work, got the kids off to college, faced the empty nest.  But I find myself isolating, avoiding social situations.  At first I allowed myself to "cocoon" after the kids left as it was difficult for me, but I need to start getting out there.  Building my new life.  I have a plan.....start exploring new career opportunities, explore new hobbies and interests, get more involved in church and volunteering......
I would love to make some new friends and some day even consider dating again.  But I am wondering if I can figure out how not to attract that kind of relationship.  I feel like I don't trust my own judgement (with good reason!)   I have literally been told by friends, family and even a psychic (whom I just saw one time at a party where she was the "guest") that I attract "every kind of ------------ and -----------.  I guess you can fill in the blanks as name calling is not allowed here.
Any advice for how to weed that out in the future?
 :stars:

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bruceli

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Re: would love some advice.....
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2018, 06:08:49 PM »
Why do think you attract and choose these types of individuals?
One will never fulfill their destiny or truly be free, until they can let go of the illusion of control.

Fair doesn't mean equal and best doesn’t mean good.

They could see me walk on water, and they would say it is because I can not swim.