Stalking

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psychology.student

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Stalking
« on: October 31, 2018, 05:11:13 AM »
Hi,
I am 21-year old female psychology student and I am dealing with a problematic friend. I ended our friendship before summer break because I felt uncomfortable. With the help of my family I also realized that this friend was emotionally abusing me.
We are also in the same class at college, we both study psychology. This year I have noticed that she always sits behind me in the classroom. She stares at me, my notebooks and my phone all the time. In the beginning of this month I noticed her walking around the building I live in. Last week, I started noticing weird things about my apartment. The door was locked only once (I always lock twice), the candle was lit and the heating was on when I came home. Next week the apple cider was missing from my fridge. I realized that the spare key from my apartment went missing. I believe that this friend took the key  on one of her visits and that she comes to my apartment when I am not home. I live alone in this apartment. No one else had the chance to take the key.
I suspected this friend has the dependant personality disorder. I ended the friendship because it bothered me that she always follows me around. Now I can't get rid of her. We can change the locket, but she will continue with sitting behind me in class, staring at me and so on. What should I do?

Thank you for your answers.

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sad_dog_mommy

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2018, 09:21:32 AM »
Oh my gosh!  That is scary.   I am so sorry this is happening to you.    Please change the lock ASAP.   There are wireless video camera systems available (Google Arlo) that might give you piece of mind.   
Ungrateful people complain about the one thing you haven't done instead of being thankful for the thousands of things you have.

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which rebuilt my life.  JK Rowling

Unconditional love doesn't mean you have to unconditionally accept bad behavior.

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bgirl12

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2018, 01:38:46 AM »
Tell campus security and go to the police. Sit away from her. Tell the professor of the classes you share and come in after class starts so you can sit away from her. Do not let this slide. Keep your personal belongings away from her so she doesn't steal or copy them. Get an escort home or move. I am not kidding. You may not have anything to fear, but why put up with that? This is your life and you seem to live in a free country. Get others around you to support you. Look up your local stalking laws. Where I live you would have legal right to go to the police and file a report based on what you just wrote here.

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psychology.student

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2018, 07:26:51 PM »
Thank you for your answers.
The police in my country won't do anything if I don't have any proof. They would just laugh at me.
My parents bought the security camera, but they said they will change the lock after one week if there is nothing unusual. They say I just have to accept the whole situation and that I can't avoid her. But it is hard. I want her to be brought to justice.
I am so angry. It's not fair that someone just walks in your apartment and doesn't get punished.
I guess I just have to accept the fact I can't do anything about this friend, no matter what.

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clara

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2018, 01:53:37 PM »
I highly and strongly recommend The Gift of Fear.  The author specializes in helping people in stalking situations and addresses his agency's various approaches in his book.  What might seem like the most intuitive approach actually might not be, and vice versa.  Very worthwhile reading.

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moglow

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2018, 04:13:00 PM »
If she has a key, it's presumed she has the right to enter. Unless she lives there, change the locks - don't wait for permission and dont think you need to explain your choices to anyone.

You can't avoid her or control where she sits in class but you can most assuredly limit or eliminate any personal interaction with her. Do that. Care for yourself first.
“Nothing exposes our true self more than how we treat each other in the home.”  ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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Wilderhearts

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2018, 11:55:18 PM »
Is it possible for you to sit in the back row of class, so she can't sit behind you?  Or as someone else suggested, come in later and possibly sit where you're surrounded by people who could be a buffer.

Another option is to befriend some other folks in your class, so that you have some support.  I find situations where I'm uncomfortable with someone less frightening if I'm not alone so the person can't approach me.  Also, abusive and emotionally manipulative behaviour mostly happens in private, so there's only so much she can do if she can't get you alone.

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TiredOfAntics

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2018, 01:25:47 PM »
Change your email passwords and all other passwords now.    If she's been in your house, she may have learned how to access your passwords.

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psychology.student

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Re: Stalking
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2018, 06:44:39 PM »
Thank you for your help. I now sit in the last row in the class when it's possible. I avoid any contact with her, I don't even look in her direction. The camera is also set in the apartment and will record her in the moment she walks in. The passwords are changed too.
Unfortunately she started following me when I walk to school. I don't believe she's dangerous, but this is really annoying because I need to go to school. And there's only one way from my apartment to school. I don't know why she's walking here, she lives in another part of the town and this location must be really out of the way for her.
Lastly, thank you for the book recommendation. Sounds like interesting reading and I will read this as soon as possible.