Outmaneuvered and outmatched

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VeronicaStrength

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Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« on: November 07, 2018, 06:02:45 AM »
In my own arrogance or foolishness, I thought I could go NC with my uPD parent. I did not realize that immediately after I asked her to attend family therapy with me and she flat refused (something I warned her would force me to remove myself and her grandchildren from her almost daily intrusions into our lives) that she began quietly working on a smear campaign to discredit me and isolate me from all previous supporters.  She spent several years researching our local laws and laying the groundwork to allow her to go to court (without ever even notifying me, the custodial parent) and obtain emergency guardianship over my children.

I have proof she knowingly lied about absolutely everything including saying my children and I had lived with her until I left them in her loving, competent care several years ago. She claimed I suffer from mental disorders I have never had and said I was not only absent but not even financially contributing to my kids as I was unemployed, homeless and addicted to drugs for the past few years and refused drug treatment. Oh and that I was also threatening to kidnap my own children from her (who they didnít live with) if she sought legal guardianship.

Iíve contacted multiple lawyers and all I can do is petition to get my kids back and let the courts decide during hearing. Meanwhile, this psycho is emotionally and physically abusing my children. CPS says itís not enough to remove my kids and each call to them only further enrages my controlling N mother to punish my children who are now to afraid to tell me what abuses are happening. And all attempts Iíve made to prevent abuse by her on my kids gets me less visitation with my children.

I donít understand how a parent can loose a child in less than a week without any notice but there is no similar process in existence when the guardian is the dangerous one.

Help! What do I do now? File family court and stand by while she hurts my children for 6-12 months more. My kids have threatened to run away or commit suicide and she not only ignores this, she hides it from me!

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Yael924

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Re: Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2018, 07:59:33 AM »
Is it possible to request that the children be placed with a third party? That would at least keep them from your mother. I beleive it might be a guardian ad litem if you are in the states.

So very sorry for this. You must be loosing your mind with worry.
Focus on pulling your paperwork together. Think about any interactions you had that could show the kids were in your care.
Is it possible to get statements from the neighbors, coaches, day care or the kids school? Who did drop off and pick up?
Any old grocery lists? If they list kids items (captaiin crunch, kids toothpaste, diapers, ect, that could at least allow the judge/court master that the kids live with you.
Your Netflix video list? Can you show kids were watching kids shows at the house
Try to focus and pull together as much as you can to show you were taking care of the kids,
Good luck and keep posting whenever you need.

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Yael924

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Re: Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2018, 08:02:20 AM »
Also -- please search this board, there is a procedure for what to do when there is a credible threat of suicide.
I think it is to call the police, but I am not sure.

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VeronicaStrength

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Re: Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2018, 12:24:56 PM »
Thank you Yael924,
Proving the guardianship was all lies was my initial thought too but for some unknown reason, all the lawyers Iíve consulted with say that it is irrelevant, the judge made an order appointing my abusive mother guardian and that even though it should have never been granted, the time to contest it was before the judge ruled - even though I was never served so had no opportunity to do so. 
Iíve been told all that matters is showing Iím a fit parent today. This makes me feel abused not just by my mother but by our legal system too. A few attorneys have suggested I could ask for a successor guardian while I prove to the courts that Iím fit (someone else who my mom hasnít already testified negatively about) because each accusation is going to have to be overcome to get my kids back.
That said, this has already cost me thousands of dollars and I can feel my kids suffering even just talking to them by phone. I donít understand why the process to undo something that seems like such a clear case of malicious legal abuse has to go through the standard channels (soonest hearing we can get is May) when she was able to get an emergency temporary custody order in a matter of weeks. I have even considered sinking to her level and lying to create urgency in the eyes of the court - but UNLIKE my mother, my childrenís welfare actually matters to me...and I worry sheíll show up and fight me in court and then weíd both be discredited and what could happen to my poor kids if I were to act so recklessly scares me too.

I have tried searching this forum for several weeks but I donít seem to find anything similar (maybe Iím searching the wrong phrases). I guess Iíll just have to systematically read each threads starting post 😪

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Rose1

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Re: Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2018, 05:01:51 AM »
My condolences. This situation seems to be fairly rare. So I was wondering if a phone call to the high conflict institute is in order to find a lawyer with experience in pd high conflict cases. Not a lawyer but it seems to me that you not being notified denied you and your kids natural justice and may be a point of rectification.  It may be that an experienced lawyer might behave able to find a way to deal with this, even an emergency order. But it takes someone who understands pd.

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Adria

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Re: Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2018, 11:26:25 AM »
Veronica,

This is terrible. I am so sorry for what you are going through at the hands of your mother.

When I told my mother that i was going to therapy, she immediately started with the smear campaigns to everyone I loved, stating that poor Adria is so crazy, she has to go to therapy.  See we told you, etc. etc.  Then my aunts started calling me and saying, "I don't know why you can't keep it together, Adria," and much more.

Seeing your post makes me think that this is a thing.  If they find out we are in therapy, it just gives them more ammunition.  We think we are doing something good, and they don't miss a trick.  Yael gave you some good advice.  I would ask to bring eyewitnesses of people who know you had your children with you, and can vouch for the antics of your mother. 

I wish you all the best. Hugs to you, Adria

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Yael924

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Re: Outmaneuvered and outmatched
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2018, 06:48:17 PM »
I've been trying to think of a course of action -- I think your mom is a special level of evil. (hope this is not considered name calling by the mods.)

I would try the divorce boards here and perhaps Reddit sub reddit: legal advice. You may not find your specific issue, but you will find people who have had their legal system weaponized against them. This does occur in divorce/custody battles, but only when the offending parent is a  :aaauuugh:

The only thing I can think of -- is that I was told to document everything. Every interaction/phone call. You should do that and perhaps your kids could document Gmas behavior -- but only if they can maintain their safety. Can they email you?

I know I'm no help, but I am totally sending positive thoughts to you and the children. Hope you can hang in there.