What are my rights?

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MeFirst

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What are my rights?
« on: November 17, 2018, 06:18:57 PM »
I had a run in with uNPD ex yesterday at our daughters swimming lessons. It was technically his weekend. One of my daughters (3yo) was reaching for me as she wanted me to dress her and when ge said no she had a but if a meltdown. I was dressing our other daughter. When I was finished I offered to finish dressing my child whi was upset. The ex held her sway from me and she kept reaching for me all tge while screaming and upset. He grabbed the bag an whisked her away to the car. I followed with our other daughter.

He then was trying to wrestle her into the carseat. She was only in her undies, he never finished dressing her.  She was still fighting him and trying to get to me. I kept asking him to let me hold her and calm her down and he regysed. We argued. I was upset as he was hikding her down and when she fought against him she banged her head hard on the roof of the car.

I was distraught and trying to hekp my child. He just ignored me. I threstened to call the police ( I was desperate).

What could i have done? Do I have any rights in this situation when its his weekend?? What about the welfare of the child?

I reckon the courts snd police would see it as nothing but I feel my ex was tramatising the child uneccessairily. She needed soothing and it was more important for him to keep her away from  me.

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Latchkey

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Re: What are my rights?
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2018, 01:06:26 AM »

This sounds really distressing for all. I'm wondering if the swim lessons could just take place on your weekends or days to avoid this type of thing in the future. I think you are right that this does not seem like a reason to go to court or call the police. It sounds very chaotic though.
Is it possible to have just one parent at a lesson or do both of you need to be there? If you both need to be there then maybe it's best to reschedule swim lessons when the kids are older and the situation maybe a little less charged and the kids a little less needy?
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MeFirst

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Re: What are my rights?
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2018, 02:07:15 AM »
Thanks, some good ideas. But really, he could have just handed her to me couldn't he. It was a power and control thing I think. Just another abusive tactic :-(

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mamato3

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Re: What are my rights?
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2018, 05:01:34 PM »
Thanks, some good ideas. But really, he could have just handed her to me couldn't he. It was a power and control thing I think. Just another abusive tactic :-(

Nothing you can do. I know it feels awful. It may be better for you not to go to the swim lessons that aren't on your own time.

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HotCocoa

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Re: What are my rights?
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2018, 08:20:24 PM »
I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter.  That is truly upsetting and upsetting for you to witness your ex being so callous and abusive with your daughter. 
Please document everything you have said here.  Your children are young and you never know when you need to pull out all the stops with your ex. 
He has no right to touch your children in such a harmful manner.  Was anyone with you that was a witness to this?
I'm so sorry.   Next time you are ever near him with your children, whip out your phone and videotape the encounter.   
The smarter you become about narcissistic abuse, the crazier the narcissist will say you are.

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turtlemama

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Re: What are my rights?
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2018, 08:38:46 AM »
Iím sorry this happened. Unfortunately, this seems like a common situation when the kids are little. My DS would cry and scream and want to stay with me and not go with uNPDex in the first year. It was very hard. I agree with the other posters that at least in my case it was in the best interest of DS that I didnít attend things (rare as they were) on uNPDexís time. It was too stressful for everyone involved.

Your rights are based on what it says in your court orders. Typically both parents are allowed to attend events/activities during the other parentís parenting time. But for me it just wasnít worth it. 

Now DS is 7, and it is easier. He doesnít scream about going to his Dads, and the one event we both attended DS ran back and forth happily.

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athene1399

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Re: What are my rights?
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2018, 11:43:26 AM »
He was in the wrong not dressing the kids before leaving, but if they are crying and you ask to comfort them he has every right to say no (with it being his time). He may have taken offense to that, as if you said he is not well equipped to care for upset children. BM does that to us when SD is sick. But keep track if you notice he is not appropriately dressing the kids before going outside. That is a problem IMO. And if it becomes an issue for the kids to have you there on the ex's time, you may have to only go when it is your day to have them (same for your ex too. If you can't go on his time, he can't go on yours). Unfortunately the kids don't understand why they can't just run up to you or go home with you when it is the other parent's time. it's probably upsetting for them. As they get older you should be able to go to their activities on ex's time. It must be difficult for you to not be apart of activities the kids are involved in on ex's time, but if they don't understand why they can't just go home with you then you may have to not go until they aren't upset by it anymore.