OCPD: "We never lie" (except...)

[11JB68]

Except to protect uocpdh's fragile ego!
So many levels to this...
H can't help with take like shoveling snow, because of his health issues, which he stubbornly won't get care for...
He also tries to hide the extent of his health issues from people...
So ds and I have to do the shoveling.
We go to visit uocpdfil... On the way uocpdh says to ds and I:
"We should never lie"... But f will ask about the snow, and I don't tell him how bad my feet/knees are, so it's ok if he thinks that ds did most of the shoveling.
(So, he's embarrassed that I had to shovel, doesn't want to admit this to his f, so wants ds and I to collude with him in this ruse)...

[sevenyears]

  uuggghhhh. Maybe next time you can ask your FIL for coffee or hot chocolate since you're so tired after shoveling snow or something similar to poke holes in his story. I don't know if it brings any benefit or help to you, other than to send your your uocpdh a signal that you won't let him misrepresent you.

my uocpd xh claims he doesn't lie. He also claims he is also always right. Except he isn't. I have proven it several times. Then he gets really angry. I used to think he was manipulating and gaslighting me. I still believe he was manipulating me, but wonder if he was somehow gaslighting himself. For example, he insisted that only he could apply for certain joint benefits, because they had to be in his name since I'm not a citizen of his country. In two cases, I applied for them and received them. The first time, he angrily accused me of fraud; the second time, he angrily took away some valuable gifts he had given me. Now, as part of our custody case, he is insisting that only he can receive a certain benefit, thus he should be awarded legal rights. He convinced already our daughter's social worker and the custody evaluator, and has even been working on the judge! Now I have to spend a lot of time, energy and money disproving him in order to keep my legal rights. He convinced himself that he's right (or he's a helluva actor), and has convinced other authorities the same.  He also lied all through our divorce proceedings. It's soooo frustrating! And, he lies to our children to manipulate them. My daughter (7) was crying that she didn't know what to believe since she hears different things from me and daddy, so one of us is lying. She figured that he told her things first, so he must be telling the truth.

[11JB68]

7, yes. My uocpdh also. Claims he doesn't lie, but of course he does. Believes he is right about everything, he's not.
Re asking fil for a hot beverage:
I have to make my own hot drinks at fil house, all he has is bad instant coffee so I bring my own tea or hot chocolate or a premade at home cup of coffee with me.  FIL is not a good host at all.
Also stirring the pot like that doesn't work for me, only results in drama, rage, and verbal abuse. I have to stick with mc all the way.

[GentleSoul]

The only time my uPD husband doesn't lie is when he is asleep. 

Crikey, I hear you about the them not getting medical help on their self induced health problems.  My alcoholic H is determinedly drinking himself to his early grave.  The doctors are all idiots etc. 

I also hear you about being expected to tiptoe around protecting their oh so fragile egos to protect them from the "nasty wasty" truth, that they have created for themselves. 

My pal calls it fawning.  I like that name.  Shows it exactly for the puke making thing it is. 

Meanwhile I am busy doing my own thing in redecorating my/our home.   It is going well.   I have done a massive declutter on all the carp husband decided to bury us in for several years.  My body and mind are slim and fitter and getting more so. 

The final cherry on top will be when the largest lump of clutter that currently lives here is carried out.