Is it possible?

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Is it possible?
« on: December 04, 2018, 10:04:44 AM »
The other night I thought to myself that I was feeling a centremetre's worth of positivity towards men/remarriage etc..

That thought was immediately followed by the realisation that the reason for that tiny amount of positivity was because uNPD ex H had been quiet for a short period. I realised that the positivity would once again be blown out of the water once he blew up again.

Sure enough, the next day, he was back to his usual awful self, this time devastating ds12.

And I was back to my usual "Nup. Never again. Impossible." attitude.

When this happens I get so frustrated. Dealing with his abuse means I have nothing left to give to another person/relationship. I spend all my emotional energy on keeping it together for ds and on self care.  There's just nothing left.

I know some of you have managed to repartner while still dealing with abuse.

How did you do it?

I think I'm really just venting and asking the question rhetorically.   But if anyone wants to chime in...

AOD

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practical

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Re: Is it possible?
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2018, 02:37:48 PM »
I totally get it, if you would offer me a "replacement" for F I would say "Thanks, but no thanks! I'm too tired."

What could happen and in ideal world would happen is that having somebody else in your life would make dealing with your Ex and his wife easier, because you are no longer carrying it all on your own.

I think you are stuck in a Catch 22 right now - you may in some moments want a new relationship, but you are too tired to even get to the first step because of your Ex and without that first step, you cannot find somebody to share lots of good things but also your burdens with, both of which might make you feel less exhausted.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Re: Is it possible?
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2018, 10:28:13 AM »
Thank-you for your understanding, Practical.

AOD

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coyote

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Re: Is it possible?
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2018, 06:19:09 PM »
AOD,
I don't know your whole story. Do you still live with ex or is he blowing up at ds during visits or something. It may not be possible to have the energy to pursue other relationships while you are still entrenched with him. I know in my situation I had to get dd raised and get my ex out of my hair before I could really feel free. As long as we have the dd to raise she always had a hook to take up space in my head.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

The only person educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.  Carl Rogers

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

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Re: Is it possible?
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2018, 10:13:57 PM »
He left over 6 years ago and quickly moved in with the uNPD woman he'd been maintaining an (emotional at the least) affair with throughout our marriage. They married within 12 months of our divorce.

We have a ds12 so I unfortunately have to deal with uNPD exH and his uNPD wife for several years yet.

AOD

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coyote

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Re: Is it possible?
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2018, 02:53:45 PM »
AOD,
I feel your pain on this one. The only thing I can say is the next 6 years will go by quicker than you think. In the meantime gain all the support you can and keep us up to date. This too shall pass.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

The only person educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.  Carl Rogers

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow