My PDw and my health situation

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Samuel S.

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My PDw and my health situation
« on: December 07, 2018, 01:30:14 AM »
This time of the year with the holidays is always rough for anyone and that much more so for someone who has lost someone very dear to them. My PDw lost her oldest daughter almost 20 years ago, and her birthday is right after the first of the year. So, my PDw has immersed herself with her studies especially, her work, and then cooking for us. She has told me she cannot handle anyone elseís problems, because her problems, her grief, is very deep and will never go away, which is very true.

As a result, her ability to relate to me is minimal and will mostly be a monologue with her talking. So, I just listen. She has made some assumptions about people, and she even made the assumption that I didnít mail something for her. I quickly responded that I mail everything that she wishes me to mail that day, if I have the time or the next day. Also, I know it is important for her. So, I do it for her. So, she quickly became silent.

Due to her grief and due to not being able to handle or deal with othersí problems, I have been keeping a secret from her. I did finally tell her that I have had pain in my neck and that I was owing to see a doctor. Otherwise, I havenít said anything to her. Bottom line, I have 2 tumors in my neck, and they are painful. I see my doctor next week, and I hope she wants to do surgery on me. Of course, I am apprehensive, scared, and hopeful. I have talked to my Tabout this who supports my decision to get well. I am not going to say anything to my PDw until I find out what my doctor wants to do. I just want to have the tumors removed and the pain to be away. I hate to not tell her, but she really doesnít care, because she canít care. I have to tell her eventually, but knowing how she is and feels, she is not going to be supportive, because she hasnít been in the past.

Well, thank you heating me out. Any thoughts?

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Hikercymru

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Re: My PDw and my health situation
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2018, 07:37:12 AM »
Hello Samuel.
You sound as if you feel very much on your own. With your pain and your worry. I am really sorry that you feel this way. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to your friends on this forum.
Your analysis of your situation  is very clear, from your previous posts and this one it seems that you know what your wife is like.
Big hugs
H

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1footouttadefog

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Re: My PDw and my health situation
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2018, 06:52:55 AM »
I am reminded of Lucie holding the football for Charlie Brown.  Unlike Charlie, you have learned how things will turn out and have decided to not play along.

I  sorry your wife is not there for you, I hope you can lean on your other family and friends.

Be optimistic that your tumors can be dealt with medically and that your symptoms will be relieved.

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Samuel S.

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Re: My PDw and my health situation
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 01:06:34 PM »
I had my doctor appointment yesterday. The end result is that due to being older, my spine is compressing, this pressing on some nerves. So, I have been referred to an orthopedic doctor. My doctor examined me where the potential tumors are on my face in the inside, and she has ordered another ultrasound and possibly biopsies. BTW, even this morning, I feel the pressure where she pressed, because it hurt.

When I returned to the house, my PDw suddenly asked me what happened, and I shared what happened. Then, she started putting down everything the doctor said and done. Then, she began complaining about having to cook, how it takes away from her time, etc. I told her how I have been getting salads, etc., but that still didnít please her. So, the rest of the evening, I just let her be.

I suspect that since this time of the year is emotionally hard for her, that she doesnít want to hear anything that distracts from her. While I understand her grief, she is putting her head in the sand, not wanting to accept the reality I exist and that I have medical issues.

In the meantime, being on this website and connecting with other family members and friends have been extremely helpful. Thank you!