In Law Step Son and new Fiancé coming to visit (Awkward Situation)

[Adria]

Step son is coming tonight. He and his fiancé were here a few months ago.  It became awkward very quickly as fiance seemed to be more interested in my dh than step son.  I welcomed her into our family with open arms and treated her very kindly.  But as the week progressed, every time I turned around she seemed to be batting her eyes and flirting with my husband (talking in this high pitched cutesy little voice).  I waited until the week was nearly over before I mentioned it to dh because I wanted to be sure of my suspicions and didn't want to start something and make things anymore awkward than they were. When I mentioned it to dh, he said ya know, she made me feel uncomfortable a few times, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it either. Dh said he will be much more aware this time and try to  keep distance between them. 

Because of the way she acted, we will not let them stay with us, but my daughter is taking them for the week.  I plan on just starting over with this girl, as dh will be putting up bigger boundaries, but any tips will be appreciated.  The fun of step situations never seems to end.

[Cat of the Canals]

Yep, that definitely sounds awkward!

I think you're smart to not have them stay in your home. I'd stay vigilant on your husband's behalf, and perhaps have a few "interruptions" up your sleeve in case he's been cornered or something. e.g. "[Daughter-in-law], could you help me set the table for dinner?" or "I'm thirsty... can I get anyone else something to drink? [DIL], what about you?" or "Oh [DIL], I love your shoes/earrings/etc., where did you get them?"

[Adria]

Cat of the Canals,

Great suggestions.  It will take the heat off without causing a scene. Thank you, I didn't think of that.

[treesgrowslowly]

Totally agree with Cat of the Canals...I would interrupt her attempts with this flirting, as much as I could.

What a boundary she's crossing! Ugh.

A lesson I had to learn the hard way....even though we want to be kind, that doesn't mean we should let down our guard with people...especially people who want to marry into our families!

If they have boundary and respect issues, it is important to see it, not deny it.

Being polite, pleasant is great...I would take it slow with making her feel welcome in the family. She should earn that by showing she respects you and your marriage!

Trees

[Leonor]

Ew, sounds weird.

I'd think your DH has a major role to play here.

He's the object of her attention, and he's also the older, wiser male adult. It's really on him to shut this down quietly and politely. He's not a victim here. He's the family alpha male.

You don't need to get into a turf war with your DIL. That just empowers her and frustrates you.

[Adria]

Treesgrowslowly,

.I would take it slow with making her feel welcome in the family. She should earn that by showing she respects you and your marriage

I've backed away some with her and just kind of been watching.  She definitely doesn't seem too interested in making friends with me and my daughter.  But, she sure seems to like to entertain the men. I'm not quite as welcoming as last time and neither is dh.  Thanks for the post, it was very thoughtful and something I need to practice as I'm always of the stance, if they are a friend of the kids, they are a friend of ours.  Maybe not always the case.

Thank you Leonor,

Dh and I have both been in more of an observing role this time, and I've watched her try to sit by dh or bat her eyes at him, and he gets up and removes himself.  She then just kind of shuts down until the next time, then he gets up and walks away again.  She's got so much nerve, and she is so blatant.  Glad they are leaving town tomorrow.