I can finally speak out! Disinherited!!!!

[FeelAlone]

So, I have posted some on this site in the past but was always paranoid about doing so since I was embroiled in a nasty lawsuit between my unmedicated bipolar elderly Mother and my borderline Sister who I have been estranged from for over 10 years. The lawsuit they brought against me and my Husband lasted over 2 1/2 years. Well, that ended in my disinheritance and thousands of dollars in attorneys' fees. I was always worried that perhaps "they" might access my information posted here to use in their heinous lawsuit. Thank God, we are now done with this horrible part of our lives and I can tell my story!

My heinous Mother passed on Dec. 7th and we just settled the court nonsense with my hateful sister in mediation. At stake was the house we were living in after uprooting ourselves 6 years ago to move here to help my Mom with her Husband who had dementia. We moved into one of her rental properties so that we could help them out. We were told the house would be ours and took her at her word  (yes, I now know: silly me!) and made improvements on our own dime only to be served with eviction paperwork 2 years ago on Christmas Eve!!!! My sister convinced my Mother to move near her 2 years ago after her husband died, undo me as POA and medical POA (the change to the medical was done even while we were still the ones living here and taking care of her and my sister was 1,000s of miles away, running her to the hospital, etc. which I only found out about while helping her pay bills since she could not see due to macular degeneration). You know: all of the usual crap with triangulation and hunger games that I now know were likely going on for eons behind my back. I was usually the golden child and closer to my Mom...or so I thought...until my jealous sister started yakking in my Mother's ear badmouthing me and my Husband and attributing all manner of selfish acts to us when we really were just here to help.

So, they tried to evict us but since we were not tenants they were unsuccessful at that so they had to change the lawsuit to ejectment and then charged us with exploitation of a vulnerable adult, breach of contract, claimed we had used my Mother's credit cards without her permission and on and on. We immediately got an attorney when the threats of eviction occurred and we have lived with this terrorism for what now feels like forever. After attempting to discuss this with my Mother rationally at the very beginning of it to no avail, I cut off all contact about 2 years ago. We never knew what was about to come down the pike or what heinous things we would be accused of next! Last Thanksgiving I got an email from my hateful sister saying that Mom was in the hospital. I called my Mother in the hospital and she seemed to be wanting to make amends but she was also in and out of lucidity. I decided at that moment that no matter what had transpired, I would not feel ok about myself if I did not go see her. We drove 13 hours the night b4 Thanksgiving to see her in the hospital. We stayed for three days, having to avoid my sister all the while there. When we left, my Mother was supposed to get out in a few days and go into a special unit of her independent/assisted living facility (and expected to recover). So, we left as we had to attend to our busy lives. Next thing I know, she is back in her own apartment in the facility instead and the nurses have been told not to speak to me! A few days later, I get an email from my sister saying that she had passed!?!

Well, that did not end things because my sister was made successor trustee of my Mom's trust. We had tried to buy the house from my Mom back in 2014 when we learned that my Mother had made my Sister medical POA instead of me because I could see the handwriting on the wall. I told my Mother to let us buy the house so that we didn't have to worry about a roof over our heads and she "needed" the money. First she said yes and then she came back and asked if it was a good time for us to buy. I told her no because we had started a new business here after uprooting ourselves and all of our money was going to build that but we did not want to have to worry about being homeless. She then said, no, you do not have to buy it: it is yours. Then 3 years later, she moved, made my sister POA and we started getting eviction and ejectment and lawsuit crap thrown at us. Every time they accused us of heinous acts, we had loads of evidence (including my Mother's own emails to me) and letters and documentation that proved the opposite of what they were alleging. But, all of that just went into a big stack of records to be viewed by a judge at a later date. We won almost all of the motions we brought, stayed in the house but were faced almost daily with new threats and allegations. My Mother did not get on the phone when we were deposed (they claimed she was not feeling well); instead my Sister did. (In hindsight, we should have never allowed that). Whenever we did request for production of their evidence, they claimed they had nothing. We received affidavits "signed" by my Mother stating that we never helped her, took money from her, left her alone in her house for weeks at a time, etc. etc. Of course, for the 6 years we were here: my Husband was the one who went over to their house in the middle of the night to put her demented husband back into bed after falling out, drove him to rehab, sat with him so my Mother could go to her support group, took my Mother to her doctor for her eye shots, went to assisted living and memory units with her to decide whether to move into an apartment for her and her husband, helped her reduce her insurance on her home and her rentals to the tune of 1.000s of dollars, etc. But, no: we were horrible people who just wanted her "stuff" and did nothing for them! Hours and hours of law fare and motions and attorneys fees later, my Mother passed without ever being deposed. I kept thinking that my Mother was not really the one doing it and that my Sister was behind it all. My therapist told me not to think that way since my Sister could not be doing all of this if my Mother had not created this triangulation years ago and as an ongoing pattern of behavior. Of course, I still clung to the hope that my Mother was just being unduly influenced even though I knew that she had to have some culpability. Many sleepless nights were spent with me crying and wishing I had never uprooted my and my Husband's lives to come and "help" her! No good deed!

Well, after mediation, we are buying the house for what we offered in 2014. I am disinherited and we have thousands of dollars in legal fees. But, I have a weight off my shoulders, will never speak to or see my mean spirited Sister or her nasty Husband again and we can get on with our lives. I got a lot of support by lurking here over those years, learned about cluster B personality disorders, learned how to go "no contact" and always found this place a lifeline. I must say, I had to have said to myself many times: yeah, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Dang it: I am strong enough. Lord, stop with the lessons"!  So, thank you all for helping me even when you did not know you were!

[SunnyMeadow]

What an emotional roller coaster FeelAlone! 

How disgusting they tried to evict you, charge you with exploitation, saying you used their credit cards and more. And all this after uprooting your lives to HELP your mom and her husband, simply despicable! 

I'm glad you're here to tell your story. I feel bad that you and your husband had to go through all this turmoil.

Thank goodness you're done with your mean sister and her husband. 

[notrightinthehead]

"I am strong enough. Lord, stop with the lessons!"

Love it.

[WomanInterrupted]

I'm sorry you had to go through all that endless bullying and abuse, but I'm glad you came out in a much better place!   

It never ceases  to amaze me, the depths they'll stoop to - including making themselves look like complete idiots in court, by contradicting themselves over and over again, while claiming that never happened or they never said that - oh wait - there's proof I did?  Well, it's fabricated!  I signed under duress!  No, no, that's not how it happened - we all agreed on changing the contract!  Copy of it?  I'll have to get back to you on that one - oh, the dog ate it.  The only copy.  Just ate it right up before I came to court today, but take my word for  it, there WAS an agreement, stipulating these changes... 

I'm glad all that's past you - and may your future be sunny, bright, and FOG-free!   

[NotLost]

So sorry you were made to wade through all of that baloney FeelAlone. I have not had to deal with any legal issues but my Nmom who I am no contact with has ventured into dementia, so I am kind of waiting for something to pop up. I offered once or twice to do exactly as you did, even offered to move to Nmom's state, but she refused to discuss any of it because she was going to travel the world buying and selling homes for another half century. Now she is covert sibling responsibility until that one day when one of them pops up like one of those sand weighted clowns that kids punch and they keep popping back. That is how I think of them now.

Sounds like you have really been through the ringer. You thanked others here...well, I'm thanking you for sharing your outcome. I'm no contact and have none of the property.  Helps me to see how I am likely lucky to not have anything from them.

I can "hear" the relief in your post and am happy that chapter of your life is finally over. Almost like an ending hostage situation  must be nice to have that stress gone.

[Starlightgirl]

Being disinherited is the best!  Dh is happily relieved of playing the dutiful son role since his parents cut him off.

Their 50th anniversary came....nothing.  No party, no family portrait, nada.

Major birthdays, 70, 75....no cake, no day of honor.

It's the best feeling in the world truly bc it's freedom.  Congrats on your freedom!

[FeelAlone]

Being disinherited is the best!  Dh is happily relieved of playing the dutiful son role since his parents cut him off.

Their 50th anniversary came....nothing.  No party, no family portrait, nada.

Major birthdays, 70, 75....no cake, no day of honor.

It's the best feeling in the world truly bc it's freedom.  Congrats on your freedom!

Yes! It is amazing how liberating it is to be "cut off"!!! Never thought that would be the case. But, I have to say: I feel like a different person now that I am an "orphan". No one to answer to, no one to judge or disapprove! I knew that I was under an enormous amount of stress dealing with the nasties, but, I honestly did not realize how much it was changing who I am and how I deal with things until it was over!!! I feel like my old, better self. I had lost a whole piece of myself by having to constantly focus on "them" and what their next act of terrorism might be. When I look back now, I realize that for the last 6 years of my life, I was in a constant game of "come here, come here, go way, go way". Nothing that I ever did was right. I either came over to see my Mom too often, or not enough. I didn't say hello enough to her demented husband who was totally out of it. I didn't listen to her stories non-stop; you know the ones that you have heard a million times and all featuring her and all of her wonders, we talked about our business too much or not enough, etc. etc. We did, however, show up when called in the middle of the night to put her husband back into bed when he fell out, pick him up after his physical therapy rehab stint was over (twice), take my Mom to the doctors for her eye shots, show up at the hospital when she was taken by ambulance for a uti, be there for my Mom, the night her husband died, completely tile a master bedroom and bathroom in "her/our" house because she was freaking out that the insurance would not really pay out and she would be out of pocket while instead she actually pocketed 4K because I did the labor myself (learning to tile floors and tile showers and install faucets on my own) to assuage her fears. OMG: when I put it all down here in words, it is just so unbelievable.

No one that hasn't gone through this would ever believe that people do this to each other...and especially not "family"! What I am dealing with now is reframing my view of my childhood and growing up and realizing that I was an abused person. I just never thought of myself that way. Yeah, sure, my family had its stuff, but don't all families? Well, no; not like this. When I read their so called affidavits of what my husband and I "did", I was flabbergasted that they actually might believe their own crap. Everything was so totally 180 degrees opposite of what actually went on, that it was next to impossible to wrap my head around. And, it was things that are easily proven or disproven: like we were accused of only moving here to help my Mom because we were evicted from the house we decided not to exercise a lease/purchase on! We tried to get a VA loan to buy the house we are in but were turned down! None of those things ever happened. But, it is all so overwhelming, that even I started to question my own reality...well, maybe?!! Am I really a terrible human being, did I take advantage of my dear, old loving Mom? Did I really only come here to get her "stuff".....HECK NO....and in any sane universe, I would never ask myself those questions. But, after all, this is my Mom accusing me so there must be something to it. Right? What a ton of crap. So, now, on with our lives. We can finally settle in without the threat every other day of not having a home. We will deal with the legal bills and the debt it put us into because we are survivors and we will make our way. But, how sad that this is the legacy and the crap my Mother decided to leave behind for her "beloved" daughter!

[Salsera]

I look at my "disinheritance" as the bail I had to pay to set myself free.

[FeelAlone]

I look at my "disinheritance" as the bail I had to pay to set myself free.


I love it! Bail to set yourself free?! I am going to start using that thought when I start to feel sorry for myself!