Strange logic

[SpiritedChange]

Until 3 months ago, I have been essentially NC with the majority of my family of origin for the much of the past 4 years, but thought that with enough time and distance I would get to a point where I could "handle" some amount of contact, but I am beginning to think my family is too far gone. The behaviors seem to have actually gotten worse in the past four years, and I feel like I cannot handle it, at all. 

I recently learned that a sister (now age 30), who was molested by my ex-boyfriend when she was 12 years old, has decided that I am responsible because I brought him into her life. As such she has completely cut me off as of two years ago, and when I saw her on Christmas Eve for the first time since her cut-off, she did not speak with or even make eye-contact with me. Since she has not sought therapy, I don't take this personally, but what is mind-boggling to me is that several siblings share her view on this and think I just need to accept responsibility for "my part".  
 
Fast forward to today, when I discover that the abuse happened when my mother and step-father let my ex stay with them in their tiny condo for a few weeks. Because they still saw him as "family" (and thought it was mean of me to break up with him after 7 years of pure misery), they let him sleep in the bedroom my sister shared with another sister, who was age 10. But that's not the part that troubles me as it doesn't surprise me in the least that my mother and step-father would be capable of such gross negligence. What does trouble me is that after informing another sister about the sleeping arrangements, she doubled-down on her belief that ultimately, I am still responsible for what happened, because, after all, if I hadn't met him, none of this would have happened. I think I am beginning to understand what it must have been like to be Alice in Wonderland.

[notrightinthehead]

Gosh! I understand your confusion.
Welcome to this site.
I imagine you feel bad for your sister, understandably she has been damaged by the abuse. And she directs the resentment at you, probably a safe enough person to feel resentful towards, not much in her life.
Read up on JADE in the Toolbox, you don't even have to JADE with yourself. These accusations are irrational, unjustified, and unreasonable in your opinion. It seems that you won't change her mind until she works on her own healing.
You continue to work on your own healing, being the best person you can be.

[Srcyu]

Going nc as so many of us do, was you taking control.
Your family are not used to that. Your designated place was to be an emotional pushover. I would like, if I may, to breakdown some of what has happened to you based on my own experiences.

While you were away from them, they had a clear run to rip you to shreds.
Your mother worked hard at the narrative that she was not to blame for putting your ex boyfriend in the same room as your two younger sisters.
She brainwashed your sister. The path of least resistance is for her to go along with what your mother says. This could explain why she was unable to look you in the eye.

If only your mother could accept blame for her 'part'in it all.

[moglow]

Here's a crazy idea - why not hold HIM responsible for his behavior and stop blaming you for something you had nothing yo do with? Yes you "brought him in" big picture but what about the adults in the situation? What did they do to protect the youngsters? They put this person in that bedroom with children. They saw him as family after you'd decided otherwise. Okay. So how does that make it your responsibility?? 

What are you to do - apologize for him? Accept responsibility for another person's behavior, his choices? At what point does everyone move forward and face where they are now, maybe even get some professional help. MAYBE hold the parents responsible for *their* poor choice. They failed her. Dude could have slept on the couch, they could have listened to their own children when told it was a bad idea. Or they could have said, I'm so sorry but we just don't have room here. 

Make it make sense.

[SpiritedChange]

Thanks everyone for the moral support. I'm feeling a lot more like a duck now, and am just letting it roll off my back.