OMG! Bombshell! 90 year old, frail EnDad has done it!

[Lamplite]

Hi all

very quickly, as the details are just coming to light but I wanted to share with you my joy, relief and disbelief.

It seems my stepping away as the scapegoat from my increasingly erratic and abusive BPD mother has caused the much talked about implosion of the sick family system. The burden of care for my very ill father and horrible mother has devolved disproportionately on my uHPD/BPD sister and her own flying monkey grown children. A massive family bust up two weeks ago has resulted in my dad moving out to live temporarily with my sister (then coming to me later). He has taken back full control and sounds more energised than he has been for decades. He has made a full disclosure of domestic violence to the authorities, has appointed a solicitor to take financial control of his own affairs and has initiated contact and repairing of relationships with friends and family he has been prevented from seeing over the years. The police are involved and based on my own complaint against my mother last year when she was stalking my child, they have been conducting background checks and monitoring and have produced a criminal case against her under the UK's new coercive control laws, and also on charges of fraud (misuse of social security payments intended to provide external carers for my dad, which she has prevented him from accessing). Dad initially said no, he didn't want to press charges but has found out today that she has systematically emptied their joint bank accounts over several months (money either hidden or disbursed to golden child flying monkey who stays close to her). So he's now galvanised and is clear he is going to press charges. The police have advised her it would be in her interests for the monies to reappear in the bank accounts, but in any case it seems they might initiate charges against her regardless of what my dad says or what she does.

It's been an emotional few days. Can't tell you how validated i feel after raising the alarm and being scapegoated for 45 years; how releived I am that dad is at last safe and free; how pleased that he and my sister are having bonding and healing time together. I have felt tremendous sadness also that it has taken him 65 years to get to this point, but immense pride that he has done it in his final months/years to try to get our family on a better footing. I have told him that I will support him and my sister as much as I can (but I will still maintain strong boundaries with my sister because she has done no healing whatsoever and has abused me even very recently). But hey! Can you beleive it? he's a chicken legend!

Just wanted to share this wondrous news with the community, as I so often have brought the problems and upsets to you all - nice to offer some validating stuff for once. May God bless you all and thank you.

[Hattie]

Gosh! It really is never too late! Fair play to him

[hhaw]

Lite:

Your post was deeply satisfying to read.

Thank you for sharing that update. 

Truly.

[SunnyMeadow]

Wow, this is quite amazing and very rarely happens. Good for your dad! I can imagine the relief and joy you feel. This post has given me some hope. 

[SonofThunder]

Thats awesome news!   Thanks for sharing.  Love when the good people finally win for a change!!   Congrats to you, your dad and other family members.   

SoT

[Starboard Song]

Amazing and wonderful and heartbreaking all at once!

[JenniferSmith]

This is an amazing turnaround for your dad. How rare to hear about an enDad to finally admit what is going on and then take action on it!! I imagine how this must feel for you - probably a deep sense of vindication after so many years.

How I wish my own enDad had been able to do something like this before he died.