Junk Hoarding

[sunshine702]

So my mother in law is not classic newspaper and cats hoarding.  She is able to throw those out - they fit in a residential trash can.  What I am dealing with in decades of putting anything that did not fit in the trash can in the land where my house is now.  Broken machines, tires, a pool steps, a bathtub.  Her husband was a contractor hundreds of metal pieces and plastic piping, windows, empty buckets. Broken machines.

It's a problem.  I look out my back door and cry some days. 

So I had a junk hauler come and handle some of MY junk - fence material and buried junk when they were landscaping the front yard.  They found an engine in the yard lol.   She let me deal with a tiny bit of the rest (her stuff)  $300 - So worth it.  The dump alone is going to charge $100 to $200. This stuff is heavy! And it is an hour of gasoline!  Something she knows nothing about because she has NEVER done this.

Well she is back there right now rearranging her teatnus shot pile.  Bringing some of it down to her house "to sell "

Honestly the idea of "getting something" is a BIG problem for me right now!

Is junk hoarding/ getting something for broken wires digging them back out of the trash!! is this a personality disorder thing?  A lost her husband thing?

No one is willing to politely ask her how much she is going to get for those wires and is it worth this mess!?

[SeaBreeze]

Are you sure you didn't marry into my first husband's family? Lol

Seriously though. I've seen this in my own extended family, specifically the rural country side. Not sure if it's more an issue of ownership as much as a scarcity mindset dating back to the Depression. As in this is all they've owned and acquired, and they will not part so readily with it. Even recent generations who've gone off to college or gotten high paid blue collar jobs or started their own successful businesses, who've built big, beautiful homes on the old family land -- you'll still find rusted antique farming equipment in the dilapidated barn, every car our grandparents owned under tarps and on blocks back behind the house, huge junk heaps hiding in the woods. I feel like a picker might go through all this junk and find out my cousins have been sitting on a million dollars. Hell, there's probably still coffee cans of money buried somewhere.

So not necessarily a PD thing? But I think PDs can certainly bump up the ownership aspect of hoarding, as well as taking up space/territory with their belongings and then controlling others. Combine that with any OCD or OCPD tendencies, it can make a toxic recipe of rules, drama, anxiety, etc.

Your MIL may very well be growing the junk heap behind your house as a show of authority over or disrespect of your space. Or, she just doesn't like to permanently throw things away. It could be an executive functioning disorder. Whatever the case... She doesn't sound like the type to agree on boundaries but can you come to an agreement on at least not dumping more stuff there? Or convince her she's sitting on hidden treasure and have a big ol' junk sale? In the meantime, can you hang some pretty curtains on that side of your home? Plant more trees to block the view? Hang some stained glass on the window or back deck so at least the junk heap is more...colorful? Just some thoughts off the top of my head.

** Edited for tons of typos, good Lord. Lol

[sunshine702]

Sea Breeze— I was hoping you would come on and explain to me these new rural rules to me.  I am I threw away a bathtub today.  There is some pool steps for another day.

Yeah I think I am going to continue to blame "the county". They could fine you M..they could give you 72 hours to deal with this what then oh no!).  we at least need to put this behind the wall (we built and will paint next). And bring it it down out of the hill in my view.

Yeah know it is a different era and a different venue and I have bad squirrel tendencies too but seriously windows, pool steps, ..  nope. 

Tonight I am bringing empty buckets of hydraulic fuel to my work dumpster

[Poison Ivy]

I've been divorced for almost 8 years, my ex moved to his parents' home to take care of them about 13 years ago, and there are still things of his in my (formerly our) house. I think ex's reason for not dealing with the stuff is a combination of ADHD and irrational cheapness. I've thrown or given away things that I can physically handle on my own, and I've hired a person to haul away and dispose of several larger items. It has been frustrating, but at least my ex doesn't complain about me getting rid of the stuff.

[sunshine702]

The guy did two loads in his truck and it put a 15 percent dent in the shit show.  We honestly need a store sized dumpster and talked to the junk guy about that.  What pisses me off is everyone tip toeing around talking to her about taking the wires back out of the trash!!!  I am dealing with your problem / money time and labor.  I honestly TODAY understand why oldest son is no Contact hard no contact.

[xredshoesx]

i live in a pretty urban place and our neighbor has started his own personal junkyard which now has flowed out to the front yard and the street.  he also pays no taxes and we are waiting on the S       L         O           W process of foreclosure to put his ass out.  it's like living across from sanford and son but sanford is cooking meth......

we have one other home in the city where the owner and the city are in battle over the yard bc his is behind a privacy fence......

[Defiantdaughter1]

I would have lost my shit and rented a dumpster.

[sunshine702]

I've also been shoving junk in my car and dumping it in my work dumpster.  The area still needs a lot work but at least it mostly out of the line of sight.

Next are two RV water heaters.

Also what upsets me are both sons are not helping - she called one of her old coworkers who took a ton of the metal out.  He also knew he would get practically nothing for it but was a good guy and wanted to help.  He was great.

[sunshine702]

Things now are disappearing but they are not going in the trash cans I have been checking from time to time when I take out my trash.  As she was angry about her trash cans "being filled up" one week when we had a lot of moving boxes.  So I try to monitor the trash now a bit.

I am 90 percent sure she is storing all of it in the shed by her house.  Broken plastic pipe, phone wire from 1980, endless scraps of rebar.

So it is out of my backyard, excellent, but this is interesting and signs of hoarding.

When she passes I know I will find where this has "gone"

[Cascade]

I've been able to get rid of a lot of "junk" by posting things for free on Craigslist. Things that I never imagined anyone would want. My husband is a bit of a hoarder but I've managed to keep it under control, except for his office. I don't know how we will ever be able to downsize.