Family stepped in

[Jsinjin]

My OCPDw's brother came to visit.   This is her youngest brother and has always been a close friend of mine and a genuinely wonderful person .   He stayed a couple of days (works as a consultant so his office is wherever he is with his computer).   When he left he called my youngest sister without my knowledge.    He told her that what he had seen in out home was bordering on insane.    My wife would lose her temper over a clean pair of shorts being found in the dirty clothes or one morning before he woke up she literally went ballistic throwing lids to pots and pans and yelling because she was trying to start dinner in the crock pot and someone had put away the lid in the wrong drawer and she couldn't find it.   The noise woke him up and she was convinced someone had thrown away her crock pot lid.   When she found it in the drawer of pots and pans (wrong place) she yelled about how no one cares and she just doesn't understand why people won't just put things away in the right places.    Our son stood nervous and concerned waiting for a ride to his cross country practice.

Her brother told my sister that something has to change.    When I stayed with family this weekend to watch the cross country son race at a meet my mother and uncle staged a much more harsh intervention with me.    They said that they are going to step in if I do not leave and they will do whatever process is necessary.    They were adamant that I have to move out and that I give the kids a safe place.

My uoCPDw has no idea.    She treats me well sometimes and I'm ok and we plan things like Thanksgiving week with pies etc but boiling underneath the ice is a potential geyser at a times.    I have a little house I've been fixing up but it causes huge problems when my wife learns about the work so I have to sneak over there and just hang one piece of trim or install one doorknob.   

I'm scared and kind of ignoring things going into this week in US Thanksgiving holiday because I dont want to even consider the upset nature of her losing it.   I'm a very forgiving person and although I do want to be away from her I don't want to hurt her.

This is all so very hard.

[Poison Ivy]

Although I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation, you're fortunate to have the support of your family and that at least some of your wife's family recognizes the problems.  Can you take this opportunity to ask them to help you leave your wife and get you and your children in a safer home?

[NumbLotus]

That must have been hard to hear.

I also am glad that you have the support of your family (though it may have felt heavy) and it must be incredibly validating that her own brother can see this.

As someone considering but feeling ambivilent about seperating, I get that.

Is the house you are working on livable? I wish I had a house to go to.

[Poison Ivy]

Jsinjin, can you do this for your children?