HPD sister again. What is it now?

[sambellscoup]

Back on march, my HPD sister went on an attention seeking rampage at me then blocked me and my husband off social media when I calmly stuck to a simple boundary of mine.

Seems she's continued to follow my professional business page all this time and had decided today to comment on my latest post.

To everyone else it'll look like a normal supportive comment. To me, it's: oh great, what's she up to now? Plus the anger that she's pretending to be nice all of a sudden and expects to just get away with treating me like crap.

I should have checked to see if I could ban her from the page back when she blocked me. Same with my weird aunt who's acting as a flying monkey for NM.

I guess I can just ban her now. I'm angry that she's now using my Facebook business page for her mind games, but the page gets me about half my clients so I absolutely must have it.

I've been feeling so great lately. So free and distant from that nonsense. Perhaps it's time to cut this cord. I'll be forced to see her later this year if I go to our grandmother's memorial service, so after just reaching the point of feeling like I could handle attending it if she was going to carry on with the silent treatment and I could just get in, get out, and hopefully it would help me with my grief and I could escape before the old family madness descended upon me.

Now I'm back to reconsidering skipping the service and just going to the graveside while I have the chance to be alone there. But I want to be able to attend the service. I'm so fed up. It's bad enough having a creepy abuser mother and an amazingly narcissistic brother, and a spineless, selfish enabler father... But why do I also have to have this wildly unpredictable troublemaking weirdo for a sister too?

Ugh!!!

[guitarman]

I have a uBPD/NPD sister. I can relate to what you are experiencing.

My mind has been thinking about situations that haven't even happened yet when we might have to encounter my sister again. I'm thinking about her adult children and if they ever get married will I attend or not. I have nightmares about it as she behaved appallingly at another siblings wedding a few years ago.

Others really don't understand what we have to endure, as they haven't experienced this all for themselves.

I suppose it's all about taking your power back and not letting your sister deter you from what you really want to do. Abusers are all about power and control. My golden rule is to always remain calm no matter what happens and not to feed the narcissistic supply. Your body and mind are trying to protect you from any more abuse so it's not surprising how you feel.

If you encounter your sister remain calm, use medium chill and grey rock techniques to detach and not engage. Realise that you maybe provoked into anger which is exactly what she wants you to do. Then she will become the victim. It's the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse where the abuser turns everything around to become the victim.

I've gone NC with my sister since our elderly mother passed away nearly two years ago. Still she torments my thoughts. I'm not strong enough yet to meet up with her so I will be avoiding any family events where she might be invited.

I practice Mindfulness guided meditations regularly. That has helped me to become aware of living in the present, not the past or the future. It has helped me to observe my thoughts non judgmentally and to remain calm. It all helps.

I realise that I need to work more on building my self esteem. That way I will become more assertive and put my own needs first. I now talk about my feelings more.

Wishing you well and hope you can do what you really want to do, whatever that may be. Whatever you decide will be right for you.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Be safe.

[Jolie40]

Now I'm back to reconsidering skipping the service and just going to the graveside while I have the chance to be alone there. But I want to be able to attend the service.

been thinking about this , also
decided it's best if husband, child, & I arrive late to sit or stand in back
then it will be easier to leave few min early & avoid any encounters

it's always so tough to know what to do in certain situations
hope you choose what's best for you

[marymackblack]

I can totally relate to this, have a similar sister (BDP) situation and sadly I'm on eggshells waiting for her next move much of the time. So far she hasn't taken to social media, but I fear that would be next. I had a respite for a month or so, but now I'm once again getting the mean, provoking texts.
I too wonder about funerals and how to avoid seeing her again.  I am always planning who I'll bring with me for protection.

It's very hard for me to know what boundary to set or whether to set one. I've been pulled unknowingly into her cycle for so many years and it's just the past year I'm learning how to grey rock. When I start feeling pulled into her cycle and having a strong reaction to her provocation , I'll keep ruminating on it but I can't figure out what my boundaries actually are and I need my therapist's help in understanding and verbalizing a boundary. 

Recently that 'The Who' song "Won't Get Fooled Again" is my mantra when dealing with my BPD sister.