Is it possible to...

Associate of Daniel · January 21, 2019, 07:28:06 AM

...write an email on someone's behalf and send it from your phone but it appears to the sender that it's been sent from the other person's email address?

Ds12 told me the other night that his uNPD smum wrote a recent email that I received and sent it from her phone.

It appeared at my end as though it had been sent from her uNPD husband - my ex.

I've known for years that she often writes his emails for him but I assumed she did it on his device.

I've never called them out on it (and I've never told ds my suspicions) but looking back, there have been a couple of occasions where a time has been arranged for ds to see his uNPD father, only to have his uNPD smum turn up instead - with no sign of his father during the visit.

I wonder if uNPD exH even knew about the visits.

So, is it possible?

AOD

Whiteheron · January 21, 2019, 07:38:25 AM

If she has his password, then yes. I have several different emails on my phone - all through apps so I can send and receive from different email addresses (personal or work).

I just want to add - through my gmail app I have linked three addresses - one stbx knows about, one he doesn't, and one for work email. It's very simple to toggle back and forth between the three. If she knows his password, then she could be doing the same.

Associate of Daniel · January 21, 2019, 08:05:14 AM

Thanks, Whiteheron.

I'm the same. I have 3 email addresses on my phone that I easily swap between. But I didn't know it was possible to have someone else's email account on my device that I could write from, pretending I was them.

How in future can I check that the email has come from uNPD exH (as it appears to be from him) and not from her?

AOD

Rose1 · January 21, 2019, 08:07:43 AM

Writing style?

Associate of Daniel · January 21, 2019, 08:52:18 AM

Oh, I can usually tell from the writing style. But it would be nice to confirm it for some things - like the extra visits for eg.

AOD

Penny Lane · January 21, 2019, 10:12:12 AM

I don't know of a way to prove it through the email. I will say, I doubt she would be able to send emails posing as him without his knowledge. (What if your response came in and he saw it? The jig would be up right there). So she's probably doing this with his permission.

I understand why you wouldn't like talking to your ex's wife when you think you're talking to your ex. But I'm not sure you can do a whole lot about that? Certainly you can ask him to not give her access to your emails. (BM wrongly thought DH and I were doing something similar, and she made that request, probably much less politely than you would). But I'm not sure you can actually enforce that boundary if they simply refuse.

I do think you can enforce a boundary that if you give up parenting time, it's for your son's dad, not for his stepmom. So if they ask for the extra visit I think you can explicitly ask who your son is going to be with. And if they lie and your son comes back and lets you know that he was with his SM, then next time they ask for extra time the answer is no. I think that's a totally reasonable boundary and you are generous to be considering any extra time at all!

athene1399 · January 22, 2019, 08:26:33 AM

Maybe if you're unsure, text him. If she's emailing from her phone he may not even know what she's saying (if theyr'e not together at that moment). Or if the deal is to have him (her) pick up the kids, maybe offer to drop them off at his house. And if the emailed response is "no...stepmom will get them," then maybe that's a hint that she's the one emailing.

Are you thinking that they aren't together anymore, but she's pretending to be him so she can see the kids? Sorry if i'm off base, but I think you mentioned something weird going on between your ex and the wife before.

Stepping lightly · January 22, 2019, 09:55:36 AM

Ugh! The games!

I agree with PL- if you find out that "the ex" asked for extra time, but DS only saw the SMum during that time, I would stop allowing the extra time. Or only allow it IF the ex picks up DS directly from you. We don't change our schedule at all anymore. It really just opens things up to PD manipulation, and unfortunately BM is so devious, she's always 5 steps ahead of us. I think it gives a level of stability to the kids as well, they know what to expect. it's hard when things fall on our time and we want to have the kids join us, but nothing is worth the extra chaos/aggravation BM inserts into it.

Based on your other posts, I wonder if Athene is on to something with them possibly being split up?

Penny Lane · January 22, 2019, 10:27:49 AM

Quote from: Stepping lightly on January 22, 2019, 09:55:36 AM
Based on your other posts, I wonder if Athene is on to something with them possibly being split up?

I'm wondering the same thing, or if they're on their way towards it. Crossing my fingers for you that all this extra times with your son becomes the new normal!

Associate of Daniel · January 29, 2019, 04:29:42 AM

Thanks, Everyone.

I've no idea re them breaking up and to be honest, if they did it would probably cause a whole new set of problems.

Anyway, I think I may have worked out a way of knowing which emails are being sent by uNPD Smum under uNPD exH's name.

He usually cc's her into most of his communications with me. I'm wondering if she is unable to cc herself when she's writing from his email account on her device.

As I wrote that though I've realised I'm probably wrong.

Oh well.

He (she?) sent an email to me a few days ago saying he'd be picking up ds on Friday. But later she sent a text to ds saying that she'd be picking him up. Who knows?

I'll be quite angry if it turns out his dad isn't there on the weekend. He hasn't seen or spoken to ds in nearly 4 weeks and only texted him once. I think ds will be quite upset if he's not there.

AOD