Physical changes in PD face

[GentleSoul]

I received an unexpected bit of validation today.    I bumped into a lady who uPD husband and I used to be neighbours with several years ago.

She was chatting and mentioned how my husbands face used to suddenly change.  That it would become grey coloured, thinner, pinched looking and his nose would change shape.   Become shaped like a hawk's beak.  He would get a look of spitefulness .  This change happens in an instant.

She was saying that he would be chatting to her nice and friendly then suddenly it was like a mask slipped, a rage appeared and his face changed.  Then it was like he realised and pulled the mask back on.    The greyness went from his complexion, his face filled out again and his nose changed back to its normal shape.   

She said that it frightened her.  That it happened rarely at first but over the years she knew us, it happened more often.

She was rather embarrassed as she said all of this to me and said she hoped I wasn't offended.

My goodness, I certainly wasn't offended.  This is exactly how he is.  I have seen it so many times and to have it confirmed by an outside person was fantastic.   Confirms I am not imaging it.

My head still spinning. 

Does anyone else see the PD in their life have this strange change in their physical appearance? 

[BeautifulCrazy]

I see the Jekyll and Hyde in appearance too!! Normally my PDh has an open, friendly face with eyes that always look like they are smiling. But he has two alternates that are radically different. My friends and family didn't get to see it until the first time I left him. He went to all of their houses looking for me. He flipped from his regular handsome, cheerful looking self to dark eyed, red faced, sneering, hate filled. It was something everyone mentioned at some point afterward, the incredible and sudden change from his usual appearance, to something evil and frightening and awful, and then back, just like flipping a switch.
The kids noticed his third face early on. Years ago, one of his kids described his "silent treatment" face as having eyes like a shark. It's an amazingly accurate description of his dead-eyed apathetic, watching for you to make a mistake stare.
So, yes, we see it too.... the changing faces.
Our 3 masks:
Regular guy.
Apex predator.
Evil overlord.

[GentleSoul]

I see the Jekyll and Hyde in appearance too!! Normally my PDh has an open, friendly face with eyes that always look like they are smiling. But he has two alternates that are radically different. My friends and family didn't get to see it until the first time I left him. He went to all of their houses looking for me. He flipped from his regular handsome, cheerful looking self to dark eyed, red faced, sneering, hate filled. It was something everyone mentioned at some point afterward, the incredible and sudden change from his usual appearance, to something evil and frightening and awful, and then back, just like flipping a switch.
The kids noticed his third face early on. Years ago, one of his kids described his "silent treatment" face as having eyes like a shark. It's an amazingly accurate description of his dead-eyed apathetic, watching for you to make a mistake stare.
So, yes, we see it too.... the changing faces.
Our 3 masks:
Regular guy.
Apex predator.
Evil overlord.

Thank you so much for this.  Very validating and a comfort to me.

Reflecting on your share, I think my uPD husband has three masks too, as you describe.  The normal him, the him looking to get or manipulate something, then the seething, inner rage him.

I shuddered as I read the Evil Overlord face.  That is exactly what my husband is like when he has his inner rage.   The shark eyes.  Just waiting for me to say something or do something for him to grab hold of to make nasty comments about. 

Thank you again.  Sorry you and your kids have this to cope with.

[SparkStillLit]

Faces here, too. I see the Public Face very infrequently now. Most often it's the Flat Face, the devoid of emotion one, where there seems to be Something simmering below the surface and I'm wondering when the big rage out is going to happen.  That's become normal.
Then yes, there is the Raging Face with wide eyes and popping veins and even though maybe not shouting, still very scary.

[GentleSoul]

Faces here, too. I see the Public Face very infrequently now. Most often it's the Flat Face, the devoid of emotion one, where there seems to be Something simmering below the surface and I'm wondering when the big rage out is going to happen.  That's become normal.
Then yes, there is the Raging Face with wide eyes and popping veins and even though maybe not shouting, still very scary.

Thank you, I hear you on the feeling that something simmering under the surface.  Is like a volcano waiting to erupt.  Leaves the people around them on edge waiting for it.  I find it almost a relief when it does erupt.  The waiting is somehow worse.

Sorry you have this stress going on.

[Whiteheron]

Our 3 masks:
Regular guy.
Apex predator.
Evil overlord.

I love this. Mr. stbx "aww shucks" good guy would turn into apex predator or evil overlord at the blink of an eye. I think only the kids and I and his parents have seen it.

In the past, I told him that I could tell when he was about to flip (to another mask - dilated pupils, rage face, other tells), but he never believed me. He thought he was so good at hiding all of this.

[GentleSoul]

Our 3 masks:
Regular guy.
Apex predator.
Evil overlord.

I love this. Mr. stbx "aww shucks" good guy would turn into apex predator or evil overlord at the blink of an eye. I think only the kids and I and his parents have seen it.

In the past, I told him that I could tell when he was about to flip (to another mask - dilated pupils, rage face, other tells), but he never believed me. He thought he was so good at hiding all of this.

Thanks for sharing, a resounding yes to this.  I can feel it in the air.  The tension before the flip.

I am in Al-anon (a program for people with alcoholic family, spouses, friends) and I have often heard other members say as the alcoholic gets drunker and drunker, there is suddenly a slooooow blink and the alcoholic switches to another area of the brain.    The eyes close, pause and slowly open when the shift has happened.

From the frontal lobe to the "lizard" brain as it is known.

The area that the  rages and unreasonable behaviours comes from.   The evil lizard like eyes and expression appears.  The body language and breathing changes.

All sounds rather like a sci-fi or horror film but is true.

[Jsinjin]

That's so strange and I never out it together before.   Over the years I've been conditioned to notice when she gets the look of anger and aggressive lean forward and raised eyebrows.  I call it going in for the kill because it reminds me of a carnivore but I never linked it to a PD or thought it could be a behavior.   

One interesting thing is that she uses polite times like being in a room full of people or a event like church or casual conversation to get that angry appearance and really strong lean and then launch into me or someone else.    She becomes aggressive and alhas a strange appearance.

This is my own belief adapted after years of horrifying Terry Brooks novels and being a strong Catholic and I don't put the belief on anyone else but I always hid it away as a secret thought that she somehow was possessed in those times because of the way the face and demeanor and voice changes.   The anger clearly rises and her face begins to  move forward and you can see that the rules of decorum and the attack is going to happen in an unstoppable fashion.

I never imagined it was a trait or a PD behavior.    I learn so much from all of you scattered about in lifeboats similar to mine.

[SeaBreeze]

OMG the face... when uNPD mother would rage, her face literally would turn red and spit flew from her mouth. I am not exaggerating. My brother and I often compared this (behind her back) to a scene from The Exorcist. No joke. 

uNPDex's face would twist into a very smug condescending smirk. Not scary, but annoying and...weird to watch.

Current uNPDh? A combo of the above two. The first time he raged at me with the red face, I immediately thought of my mother. And I reacted the same damned way: got very quiet and docile to calm him down while protecting myself. You think I would have learned and gotten a clue back then...thankfully, I eventually did!

Honestly, the faces we see behind closed doors when the mask drops? Is why I think my brother was on to something with the Exorcist comparisons.

[GentleSoul]

Thank you, Jsinjin and Seabreeze, for sharing our experiences.

It is all so strange.  People would find it hard to believe unless they had experienced it.

PD people really do wear a mask.  I think there is some debate as to whether a PD person has any control of themselves.  My feeling is that they do and will put their mask in place as and when it suits them.  They are usually selective who they allow to see them with it down. 

My uPD husband today is being "normal" in how he is acting and speaking.  It could change in the blink of an eye, of course.