"The Custom of the Country" (fiction) by Edith Wharton

[alive]

Although this is a work of fiction I felt I was getting a scary glimpse into my ex BPD/NPDs mind and thought patterns.  The story here was written in 1913 way before the DSM ever was a gleam in anybodys eyes and before narcissism was more than a Greek legend.  But this goes to show PDs have been in the human psyche for a long time.

The story follows a young woman,  Undine Spragg,  as she tries to enter rich society in New York.  She tries to obtain a materialistic lifestyle by essentially using everyone she encounters.  It is clear early on that her parents are enablers as she manipulates her Mom into buying her expensive clothes and her Dad into buying a whole year's  worth of pricey opera box seats.  In fact they have moved to NYC because Undine wants to run with the in crowd.  Everwhere else has been too dismal and boring for her.

Her goal is to capture a wealthy beau who presents her the charmed existence she demands.  The first fellow she marries,  Ralph Marshall,  fairly quickly proves to be a disappointment.  Although he loves her dearly,  he cannot earn enough to keep her happy.  They have a little boy together and she could care less about the boy since he is a burden.  She discards poor Ralph and goes to Europe where she has an affair with one of the wealthiest New Yorkers.  Poor Ralph becomes deathly ill and she completely ignores him because returning for him would spoil her fun.

She divorces Ralph and next goes after a wealthy Frenchman.  The little boy in New York becomes a pawn in a ridiculous custody battle.   Ralph cannot recover from this and commits suicide.  Undine marries the wealthy European but...you guessed it...he proves wanting too!

The story is way more than a soap opera with divorce after divorce.  Wharton spends a lot of time letting you see exactly what is going through the narcissists mind as well as the shock and disgust others feel by her actions.  The story may help you if you have been drained by such a person because you see how small and shallow their world actually is.  They are doomed to roam the Earth never being happy with 10 times more than most of us would be delighted with!

One part of the story I found particularly healing.  Undine has just divorced her husband Ralph.  Her lover with whom she had been traipsing around Europe has spurned her.  Her parents have informed her they don't  have vast sums of money.  Her friends are basically ignoring her.  She cries tears for herself because all she wants is a nice house and someone to love her and noone is giving this to her.  It is ironic because Ralph had offered her all that and it wasn't  good enough!

[Daphne1]

I love fiction and this story sound very interesting!

[alive]

Hi Daphne1:
If you have never read Madame Bovary there are many parallels.  Madame Bovary cheats on her spouse,  ignores her child,  and puts the household into deep debt.

[Cristina]

Thank you for sharing. Fictional characters really help to see and understand PD behaviour. And specially our frustration.

Madame Bovary, thank you for reminding me of it, alive.