I think my FOO like that I am NC!!

[sarandro]

I have been NC with my NMum and enmeshed siblings now for nearly a year.

I have a feeling that they are secretly glad I am now properly estranged as I have had (mercifully) no authentic attempts from them to reconcile with me since my Dad died and I was treated appallingly at his funeral...only a guilt inducing birthday card saying I should 'make amends' with my brother as he hasn't done anything wrong!!! ( I did get Christmas cards with no message!)
Does this mean she knows she did/said something wrong??
If so, why not admit it and try for a proper relationship with her daughter??

Although, this silence from all of them is what I really needed to heal a bit and I'm grateful for it, it just seems very strange to me that I have been discarded so very smoothly...
Like I never existed
Like I died

Well, I suppose, I am not that person anymore...the SG...so I am dead to them as I have no purpose being in that family...no place...no role...never did!

[Adria]

Sarandro,

I understand how you are feeling.  My whole family ghosted me over twenty five years ago.  We went mutually NC for awhile over a bad house deal. I attempted to go back a couple times to test the waters. Nothing!  Didn't even notify me when my mother died. After all this time, I'm sure I'm pretty much dead to them. They could care less and are probably glad I'm out of the picture.  Actually, even when I was a child, my father never had conversations with me or gave me any credence. It's kind of sureal.

Although, this silence from all of them is what I really needed to heal a bit and I'm grateful for it, it just seems very strange to me that I have been discarded so very smoothly...
Like I never existed
Like I died

Well, I suppose, I am not that person anymore...the SG...so I am dead to them as I have no purpose being in that family...no place...no role...never did!

You said it well. Even so, it is hard to get your head around.  I'm sooo sorry. Please take extra special care of yourself for awhile. It's bewildering, and it hurts. Hugs, Adria

[GettingOOTF]

I suspect my family are glad in a way too. It plays in to their narrative of me perfectly.

Letting go of the hurt over how little I meant to people was hard. It's like I never existed to my ex husband and now also to my family. The thing is I didn't exist to them. They all only saw the version of me they made up in their heads. None of them made an effort to get to know and love me.

The biggest gift NC with all of them has been the opportunity to finally, at 47, figure out who I really am and go about my business in the world being that person.

[sarandro]

Thank you for your replies...

What makes it even harder is that I have realised a little too late, that my husband has a PD (probably overt narcissism) and I am having a very hard time with his behaviours.

Feeling very, very lonely right now.

[GettingOOTF]

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. You are not alone though. We are here and understand and support you.

[sarandro]

Thanks....I know I'm not alone here and I'm very thankful for this forum X

[Adria]

Sarando,

My 2nd husband has some kind of pd too.  It just seems like you get away from some and go right to another.  Disheartening.  It is a very lonely feeling.

[appaloosa]

Sarandro, I think my family is glad I'm NC also. It's been over 5 years with my NF now and although I'd hoped to stay in contact at least by phone or email with my enM, it turns out that she doesn't really want contact with me, (she actually unfriended me on Facebook!) so it's been over a year with NC for her. Well, she did send me a perfunctory "happy birthday" sentence email on my 60th birthday, but that was it. So I decided to just cut the cord with her too. Why bother with fake messages? And my sister,  once I set some boundaries on her toxic behaviours, it was all over with her. In a way it's nice, because I no longer have the emotional upheaval, but there's no denying it's a sad thing to realize your family couldn't care less about you. xoxo

[sarandro]

Thanks  XX