Confusing behavior from SIL

[bloomie]

Danie - What a stressful, unpleasant experience this is for you and how destructive your bil's behaviors toward you are. My heart goes out to you.

I feel like this is too much. Inside I'm feeling broken and I told my husband this could really break me. I've had other traumas to overcome and being treated like this is overwhelmingly painful and confusing. I can just not go and wait it out, but I worry so much BIL will rip us off again and who knows if I can trust H? He talks out of both sides of his mouth.

For many years I didn't listen to this exact message my heart, soul, body was giving me in my own challenges with in laws and gobsmacking financial entitlement. I am sitting here on the other side of the screen shouting in a loving way, that your health and well being is what matters most. Protect yourself!

I am struggling with some troublesome health issues due to the years of stressful, disrespectful, invalidating, cruel behaviors toward me and my own H's enmeshment, waffling, and failure to advocate and stand in the gap for me. I entreat you to step back and figure out what YOU need to be at peace.

When you figure that out... you act on it. And you better believe we are here with you as you do!

[Danie]

Just like I suspected BIL and SIL are not cooperating and making it very difficult for us to get out of this cabin sharing situation with them. I have cleared most of my personal stuff out and even consulted an appraiser. We told BIL we want to sell it and would like to figure out a price and have him pay us our half if he wants to keep it himself for him and his family (wife and 3 kids). He made it clear to my H he doesn't want to sell it. He talked H out of selling it. H wants to try again (I'm not). BIL said he can only go 1X this year for the 4th of July while the other 7 families in the HOA go. BIL doesn't even think about if there is any maintenance to be done - he just assumes and manipulates H (who falls for it) to do what needs to be done.

Here's the more even crazier part of this. They've made it very clear they DO NOT CARE FOR ME and that there's to be no communication between me and SIL. Any communication will be through BIL. H questioned him on this and said it's not possible or comfortable to function this way. SIL has made many, many rude comments to me over the years, which I tolerated, and when I finally spoke up she didn't care for it. She has forgotten or is unaware of her own behavior and believes I am a terrible mouthy person when she started the whole contentious relationship.

BIL said, "you wouldn't even be a part of this if it wasn't for us". It's true they asked us 17 years ago, but my H is from the same small town where this group originated from. A couple of the families have turned over and are from different areas now. We've more than paid our share. We've split everything 50/50 even when they have a family of 5 and it's just us 2. I'm so glad my husband for once spoke up to him and said "you wouldn't have it if you wouldn't have used us for your equity and loan security".

You can see where BIL are coming from and what their long-range plan is. Narcissists and selfish manipulators. Unfortunately now the problem is between H and I. We argue about it a lot which is ridiculous. H is super codependent on BIL.