Close but no banana today

[Pepin]

This is the first Mother's Day since I became a Mom (we have teens) that DH is not spending time with PDmil.  Instead, PDmil is being treated by DH's sister who is taking both her MILs (husband's bio and step Mom) and PDmil out.  How refreshing and what a concept to have another child (of 4) other than DH treat their mom! 

DH asked that I wanted to do...catching me off guard and wondering if there is a catch.  So far the day has been pretty chill and we will just have a nice BBQ at home.  No cards, flowers or brunch like many other moms out there.

Though a strange thing happened this morning when DH made a comment about how X restaurant probably has a long line right now for Mother's Day.  Well, that kind of stung because that is where he would take PDmil.  She obviously is on his mind....and then a little later he dutifully called her.     Even though I don't have to see her today and even though DH won't see her today either, her presence has been accounted for.

You would think that I am finally happy to not have to see her (though I stopped the MD tag along thing with her and DH years ago) and you would think that having DH stay home and not celebrate with her would make me happy. 

I am just tired of this day being about her -- as if she is the only mother that this day applies to.  Looking forward to Monday like I usually do.

[bloomie]

Pepin - this is the 2nd year that we have celebrated Mother's Day with uPDmil on Saturday and leaving the actual day open. I think it takes some time to adjust when a demanding and entitled type of matriarch has been the center of the celebrations and kind of "owned" Mother's Day in the family paradigm. At least it is a bit of an adjustment for us.

I hope in the end you enjoyed the time with your family. Change is hard in unexpected ways isn't it?

[Pepin]

I think it takes some time to adjust when a demanding and entitled type of matriarch has been the center of the celebrations and kind of "owned" Mother's Day in the family paradigm.

Yes, I 100% agree with this.  For years I have been in the shadows while DH celebrates MD with PDmil...and my presence is a mere afterthought.  My thought is that because she is both older and his mother, that she reigns on Mother's Day -- rather than having all mothers be celebrated.  It has been such a strange dynamic to process.  It never occurred to me that becoming DH's wife and having children with him would keep my on the perimeter during celebrations of any kind  -- even when we were the hosts!  Today, this is not ok with me after having been a doormat to keep the peace.  As a new wife and exhausted young mother, trying to find out where she fits in the overall family system, I forgive myself for not knowing any better.  But as a mother of teens who watch my every move now, I have been forced to make changes even if it means making waves for other people that were used to wiping their feet on me.  It sickens me that a female like PDmil even thinks she is entitled to be labeled matriarch and that others also support this. 

Dealing with each holiday as it comes leaves me feeling exhausted...but I am getting better at being prepared for what to expect and also for stepping in and putting an end to hurtful ways.  Just can't do it anymore.  If only I could snap my fingers and DH would remove himself from the fog....what a wonderful life it would be.

[mrsstrezy]

Pepin-

I don't have anything profound to say, except that I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  You'd think that we could just enjoy our days without the PD's around, but instead they still take up thought space and make us feel "icky".  At a moment of feeling profoundly depressed, I told my husband that I feel like no matter what, whether we have my unNPD/BPD MIL in our lives or we don't, she will make our lives miserable.  We cannot win.  I know that's a negative way of looking at it, but it's how she's made me feel at times. 

At least you don't have to worry about Mother's Day for the next year now.  Hope you're enjoying your week:)