Personal Introduction

[canadianunderground]

Hey everyone! I have known about this website for a long time due to a therapist's recommendation, but I had been hesitant to check it out as I perceive a lot of online spaces to be quite toxic. However, nobody is as toxic as my family!

I am an artist and writer who lives in Canada, but was originally born in the USA. When I first moved here I truly fell in love with the city, but in recent years I think I've come to understand that it's the distance and freedom that are so good for me. I have a fiance who I love and we are supposed to get married this fall.

I was actually pretty unfamiliar with narcissistic personality disorder prior to first speaking with therapists about my family situation in 2012. In the decade since it has become clear that my mother is a pretty strong example, and in fact a lot of the issues I faced as a child are explained by her "FOG" in my life. The pandemic and the distance it imposed brought a lot of relief to me, but as restrictions waned and travel has begun (and my marriage is soon!) I have been struggling. In my immigration process, it was impossible for me to get documents from her on time. As always, she promised to financially support the wedding but has been strategically withholding funds in manipulative ways, and it's caused massive tension in our relationship.

I'm here on Out of the FOG to connect with people, vent a bit, and learn tips for how to keep her at bay Looking forward to meeting you all!

[xredshoesx]

weclome to the site canadianunderground,

i came here originally to heal from a romantic relationship with a uPD partner, figured out my biological mother and her mother were both uPD, and have stayed on because my MIL who i love dearly, is also a very difficult person to deal with who also shows signs of possibly having a PD.   since marriage involves the DH and me, the support here with MIL has been invaluable because in our situation, it wasn't possible to be NC with her.

pull up a chair and we'll throw another log on the fire.  when you are ready to share more we're listening.

[SonofThunder]

A very warm Out of the FOG welcome to you canadianunderground! 

Im sorry to read you have a toxic family relationship, but thrilled to read you are engaged to be married.  Congratulations to you and your fiancé! 

This place is a wonderful community of caring people from all over the world, and so very many here share with you in having toxic family member(s).  Me included, as I was raised by a uNPDfather and 'caretaker', 'flying monkey' mother. 

I believe we each walk along the same trail, but some with different types of PD people in their lives.  We are all scattered along different parts of this journey, yet so many people share in their similar trail experiences. You will find comrades here that are able to empathize. 

I want to first recommend you visit the toolbox tab in the upper right region of this page and pitch your tent there to absorb the fantastic information contained.  Second, as xredshoesx just said, I also encourage you to pull up a chair beside the many forum-board campfires, kick off your boots and join in the wonderful topical discussions.

Lastly, I am personally a fan of Dr Ramani on YouTube, and encourage you to check out her series on Narcissistic Terminology which may assist alongside the toolbox.  *Link at bottom of this post. 

See you around the boards, canadianunderground!   You are not alone in your experiences. 

SoT

Dr Ramani's Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3QtnfcMTMhEfRXN-Kk2vndn89nBZxKUj

[canadianunderground]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for the warm introductions, and I'm excited to be here. I've already found a few great books and resources I'll be checking out this week.

Cheers to a happy new year!

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome.

I, too, have a very controlling and manipulative uNPD mother. The big thing that stands out to me in your first post is the fact that yours is promising financial support for the wedding but strategically withholding it. My mother has always used money to try to further her aims. Years ago I learned not to rely on anything from her - she will usually come through with money she has promised but boy do you pay for it in other ways. If I needed financial assistance I would ask literally anyone rather than her. If you are still reliant on your mother to provide immigration documents then clearly you cannot rock the boat with her, but if you are able to write off (if only in your mind) any financial assistance with your wedding you might save yourself a lot of tension. If your mother's financial contributions truly matter to you then she is in a position of power. If they're just icing on the cake it is much easier, I find.

I absolutely rejoiced in some aspects of the lockdown rules from a personal point of view. I strictly complied with them, in part because compliance meant not having to see her.

Congratulations on the wedding and I look forward to seeing you around here. I've found this forum to be a very benign place to be. Not at all toxic and everyone is very supportive and helpful.