Hello

[BTownLC]

Hello, everyone!

I have been in therapy since June, but have been trying to figure out my family for years, to the point that I experienced the "holiday blues" (profound disappointment) on a monthly basis.  My parents have moved mountains to support for my sisters and their families - mountains my sisters could have moved for themselves.  Housing, clothing, camp registration, etc... since 2004.  Meanwhile, they essentially ignore my three sons, despite the fact that my family is not dependent on my parents.  For years I asked my parents to do the stuff my sons saw their friends' grandparents do - movies, ice cream, etc - but their never got it.  When my mom passed away last November, my nieces reminisced about all the things my parents did with them.  My sons were silent.

So, I finally sought therapy.  After weeks of describing the details, my therapist explained codependency to me.  It was like finding the right key for a stubborn lock.  I have since learned a lot about the roles in codependent families.  I'm a lost child, although I found solace in science fiction, science classes, and other nerdy pursuits that led me to an engineering degree.  My older sister (55, role: black sheep/waif) exhibits signs on DPD and AvPD.  My younger sister (48, role: golden child) exhibits signs of BPD and HPD.  This was a pointed out to me by her (nearly) lifelong friend who is a PhD in psychology and pursuing her license as a a therapist.  My younger sister cut this friend out of her life when the friend didn't support my sister's choice to marry a guy with a history of substance abuse.  [Side note: my sister felt she could rescue him.  They divorce six years later, due to his continued his substance abuse and emotionally abusive nature.  My sister cut my family out of her life for almost four years because I advised her to leave him for the safety of her daughters.]

I am comfortable with my role as a recovered lost child, but can anyone point to resources on how to deal with my family?  Especially my 78-year-old (enabler/rescuer) dad.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome to this informative and supportive space!
As a start, check out the Toolbox for strategies when you have to deal with your sisters and your father.
It's such an eye opener when we realize where our co-dependency has taken us. See you around on the boards!