New Here

[Sector]

Hello,
Wife of 25 years to pwBPD newly diagnosed a year or so ago.  Symptoms were mostly hidden until COVID.  I spent a year and a half devastated, confused, and not believed by the professionals who it seemed to me thought I was a naggy aggressive wife (based on his cognitive distortions) rather than the only one who was seeing what was actually going on. And despite constantly trying to change my way of being to what he said he needed, it was never enough.  Even once I happened upon reading about BPD and had the lightbulb moment, and he agreed that it fit, the professionals still didn't buy it for quite some time.  Fast forward as far as I know everyone gets it now, husband has done really really well with therapy, and I'm so proud of him for that.  But I am still struggling with the after affects of the whole ordeal. Therapy has been directed at how to help him and really need a transition to help me deal with me, starting with validating the trauma.  Thankful to have found this group and hoping reading everyone else's stories will give me some secondary validation.  Thanks for reading!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am glad you found us. As a start, I suggest you read through the Toolbox, you might find some suggestions there that will help you navigate tricky situations in the future.
See you around on the boards!

[Starboard Song]

It is worth the saying: you aren't crazy. And the trauma of dealing with a PD person is significant. We often see people say "it isn't like I was being abused, so I really don't deserve to feel so hurt." That's simply not true. In our attempts to maintain and manage relationships with a PD person, we absolutely experience trauma much like people suffering more direct abuse.

Be kind to yourself, and very patient. You can heal.

[Sector]

Thank you! It's a relief to just hear a little validation on the trauma.  And for someone to tell me I'm not crazy! I know rationally both are true, but it has been really difficult feeling like I'm just supposed to be fine and move on like nothing happened because he is so much better.  I've read a lot about BPD and will keep reading. But others' experiences here I think are what I was really needing to see