Personality disorder help

[Anonymousgirl__92]

Hi everyone,

So I'm new to the group but I wanted to ask for help on here. I basically have Avoidant Personality Disorder and my brother and sister both have different personality disorders as well so it's very messy and complicated. I have a very difficult relationship with both but with my sister who has Borderline Personality I feel like she knows which buttons to push to wind me up. She's accused me of saying something awful that I've never said and she has a habit of lying. We didn't speak to each other for months until I had to see her on her birthday which was very tense and stressful between us. This Christmas she's pushed my buttons again and because I have Avoidant Personality Disorder I am very sensitive to criticism. My mum really hurt me when she said that I'm "too sensitive" and need to work on that aspect of me. But at the same time it's a symptom of my personality disorder and she's always considerate of my sisters personality disorder saying that she can't help it and "you can't change her" Has anyone else had unhelpful words like this said to them? I feel like there's one rule for my sisters PD and another for mine 😕

[xredshoesx]

Hi  Anonymousgirl__92 and welcome to Out of the FOG -

Because you have identified yourself as someone who suffers from AVPD  we want to make sure you're aware of a couple of things as you settle in.

Out of the FOG is a community dedicated to offering support and information to people who have a loved one or family member who suffers from a personality disorder. That doesn't necessarily exclude those who also have a PD from participating but the rule is we come here to discuss our relationship issues as they pertain to the other people in our lives with a PD, and not PD recovery issues as they pertain to the self. If you suffer from, or suspect you suffer from a personality disorder, we welcome your participation as long as the discussion still revolves around dealing with the loved ones in your life with a PD and not on your own recovery from a PD.   

Also, we'd like you to be aware that people at a site like this are often hurting a great deal.  They come here needing a safe place to vent about how they may have been hurt by the person in their life with a PD.  At times, these comments can be harsh. Reading them may trigger you, if you are not far enough along in your own recovery to let these comments pass without becoming upset or attempting to speak on behalf of others with personality disorders.

Thanks for your understanding, and again Welcome to Out of the FOG.

[goldtracedcloud]

Hi anonymousgirl_92, Glad you are here.  You are definitely not alone when it comes to being called "too sensitive" for not being happy with or going along with the program of an antagonistic PD.  It's not fair that your sister's hurtful behaviors are catered to or excused.  It reminds me of the saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" - unfortunately, families often revolve around the most difficult and antagonistic members, even when the health and wellbeing of others is at stake.  While not all of us here have AVPD, I think a lot of us can relate to the anxiety and other physical and mental health repercussions caused by the chronic abuse of such family members.  Having my own health struggles, I think one the most important things we can do is understand that we are responsible for managing our own physical/mental health & similarly the BPD person's mental health and actions are totally their responsibility and no one else's, regardless of what any of their enablers might say.  Also know that your mental and physical health is your business and doesn't really have to be anyone else's if they are not going to be supportive of or respect you.  I hope you'll continue hanging around forums like these and seeking out supportive spaces for yourself.