Inheritance

[sunshine702]

From what I have read this is common with Narcs.  As an adult I realize now how awful.

My Covert Narc Mom would ask us often as children what we would want as inheritance.  We would wander around the living room and she would ask Would you want this cabinet?  What about this rug?  I was maybe 10.  I would dutifully fawn over the items.  Oh yes what a fine cabinet. Of course I would want that.

As an adult I realize HOW AWFUL.  HOW MACABE.  What a sick thing to ask a child.

Did any of you have those discussions as well especially at inappropriate ages?

[SonofThunder]

From what I have read this is common with Narcs.  As an adult I realize now how awful.

My Covert Narc Mom would ask us often as children what we would want as inheritance.  We would wander around the living room and she would ask Would you want this cabinet?  What about this rug?  I was maybe 10.  I would dutifully fawn over the items.  Oh yes what a fine cabinet. Of course I would want that.

As an adult I realize HOW AWFUL.  HOW MACABE.  What a sick thing to ask a child.

Did any of you have those discussions as well especially at inappropriate ages?

I can remember similar discussions from my uNPDf.  Our FOO have been collectors of fine antique furniture and its been handed down over the generations.  But my uNPDf would also purchase expensive art, sculpture and other things nobody appreciated and simply pile them in the basement.  Nobody wants them and he is butthurt. 

SoT

[NarcKiddo]

My parents held a family meeting a few years ago at which they discussed their wills with me and my sister. Essentially everything that is left after both of them die is to come to us in equal shares, so I am not sure why the meeting was needed. My uNPD mother then took me around the house pointing out various items and saying "you must claim that, it is worth so much more than this...". I am completely sure she did the same with my sister at some point, who was living there at the time.

If my uNPD mother is the last to die I am fully sure that she will try to use the money against us and threaten disinheritance if we don't dance to her tune. In my early 30s she put me under heavy pressure to produce grandchildren for her. At one point she rang my MIL and ordered my MIL to put pressure on my husband to produce grandchildren. She told my MIL that she would disinherit me if I did not produce the goods. MIL was horrified and rang my husband to report this awful conversation.

She has always been very money-oriented and although I can't specifically remember discussions about inheritance at a young age, I am sure they were had. I certainly remember her having affairs with old men when I was in my teens and early 20s. She told us outright she planned to "fleece" these old men and make them leave their money to her. One in particular had quite a long term relationship with her and I was ordered to flirt with him and wear sexy clothing because she "knew" he was attracted to me and this would keep him interested in us in general. Revolting. He never did anything inappropriate as far as I was concerned, which is just as well because she would not have cared a jot if he had. He was a nice old man and she got quite a lot from him during his lifetime. But she couldn't be bothered to go and see him on his deathbed (I was sent to do that) and I was delighted to find he had changed his will in favour of his son.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Yes, my mother did this and still does. Like you, as young as 10, I recall my mother routinely pointing to the rings she wore asking which ones I wanted. She had my sister and I lay claim to each one. She would then remind me over the years which ones would be mine some day. 
       
She still walks around her house pointing to various objects asking "now which one of you wants this?" You had to answer with interest and enthusiasm too, or she would get upset. She has done this my whole life. Oddly, parents got mad at me when I went VVVVLC a few years ago, and my dad sent an email telling me he was having his lawyer disinherit me unless my attitude improved. 
   
It seems to me to be something about exerting control and seeking our validation. She also seemed threatened when I made enough money to buy my own things and she would tell me how I would no longer need her things. It seems it might also pit the kids against each other, or at least make you feel like you have to earn awards.

[Cat of the Canals]

My PDmom once said she was going to have to label everything of value in the house at some point so my brother and I would know what things to keep when she dies.  Like, what does she care what happens to it when she's dead? And of course she believes she gets to decide what we'll keep.

When we were buying a house, my husband asked to borrow a few thousand dollars from PDmil. She told him, "Well, instead of this being a loan, this will be your inheritance. Because your sister is getting our house and your brother will get the house I own in [other state]." The amount he asked to borrow was a tiny fraction of the full value of either house. She's lucky he doesn't care about money.

Oh, and then a few years later, she became absolutely convinced that her brother had "ripped her off" of part of the inheritance when their parents died. They'd inherited 2 houses and a car. She took the smaller house and car. He got the larger house. She was upset because his house had appreciated more in value. My husband tried to explain to her that she can't compare what the things are worth NOW to what they were worth when they split it. But she insisted on confronting her brother about what a terrible person he was for taking advantage of her.