The Multi-Generational "Dynamic" (commentary)

[makarios_tonikos]

A few years back, I caught the "ancestry bug" and decided to take a DNA test and build a family tree - not influenced by nostalgia (of course), but to learn about genealogy, disease risks, and how forebearers (and/or their extended family) lived.

My research material included a mix of vital records, old news articles and e-mail correspondence with distant cousins (or their current/former in-laws).

Some findings suggest it goes WELL beyond the "every family has a black sheep and hang-up" cop-out:

CIRCA 1840's: 4x maternal great-grandparent sparring with siblings in a bitter contest of an estate will. What began as hostile/accusatory letters turned into vandalism (and eventually arson) of the other siblings' property.

CIRCA 1920's: Maternal great-grand uncle using his job as a court employee to receive kickbacks and ruin the careers of anyone who got in his way. Eventually, he made enemies with the "wrong person." The eldest brother (uncle) from the same family was committed to an asylum for the criminally insane, while another brother lived/worked in a motel run by street gangs (the property is still notorious for criminal activity to this day).   

CIRCA 1930's: Paternal great grand-uncle accusing his younger brother of embezzling money from the family store's till. The accused allegedly thought the claims were "funny". A short time later, the store burned to the ground in a mysterious fire. Although there was common knowledge how it happened, the two siblings simply parted ways without further contact.

CIRCA 1970's: Maternal great-uncle meeting an old sweetheart at a high school class reunion, re-marrying her, then coldly abandoning all obligations to his former family (the "old flame" did the same to her family).

CIRCA 1980's: Paternal third cousin involved in a fatal hit-and-run while under the influence of medication. According to a news article, she showed little remorse for her actions, and her father (an investment banking attorney) fought tooth-and-nail to mitigate the legal repercussions.

CIRCA 2000s-2010s: Paternal third cousin (from the same family line as above) burglarizing small businesses for controlled substances, often in broad daylight.

CIRCA 2010's: Maternal third cousin strong-arming vulnerable people on the street for money, also to buy controlled substances.

CIRCA 2010's: Maternal fourth cousin brothers (distant grandchildren of the corrupt "court" uncle from the 1920s) operating a methamphetamine enterprise targeted to teenagers (one is incarcerated).

The above is just the tip of the iceberg. And, to top things off, an insatiable "alcohol appetite" going back generations runs deep on the maternal side of my family.

Some surviving "boring" descendants work as counselors, with a focus on overcoming "early trauma". I too, thought about pursuing this profession ... but ... it's rather competitive in this day and age.  

[Jsinjin]

I haven't done much genealogy but I did learn after I married my spouse that her mother shared this horrifying anxiety about possessions and a worst case scenario in most cases of life and her mother eventually passed away in a nursing home at 68 refusing to get up for fear of falling and having panic attack after panic attack about all sorts of things.

I actually see it a bit in my own daughters and I'm not sure if it's genetic or environmental.   Parents and their norms and mores have strong effects on kids and that tends to shape them.   But, I will say this seems to be in the females in the family.  My wife's brothers and our son have none of the OCPD manifestations.

Honestly I never really even considered this as a "way" that someone behaves or even thought about a personality type.  So the idea that these PD traits exist and that they were not learned but were possibly predisposed was a surprise to me.

[SeaBreeze]

Interesting and revealing finds!

I'm a genealogy buff and, in my older years, have turned out to be one of the family historians. Dysfunction, abuse, child neglect, divorce (when divorce was still quite scandalous), substance abuse, PTSD, mental illness, suicide, and what I strongly suspect to be PD go back several generations on both sides of my family. Everyone is/was either a PD, or we married and bore children to PDs. It's almost darkly comical in some cases but really, just sad, and explains and informs so much about the repeating cycles of the present generation. At least some of us are finally getting a clue??

There's interesting scientific research on how past family trauma can actually re-wire the genes of future generations. I believe it!

[NarcKiddo]

My maternal line is utterly awful every which way you look. Madness, alcohol, criminal behaviour of the worst order everywhere.

My paternal line seems more "normal" but there is a marked tendency for the women in that line not to have children. There has never been any family hand-wringing about their inability to conceive and I have formed the impression that it is deliberate in all cases (as, indeed, it is in mine).

I remember reading recently that our genetic material not only spends time inside our mother for the whole of our mother's life (given she is born with all her eggs) but that we also spend time inside our grandmother, given the eggs are formed before our mothers are born. I shudder at the thought of having spent so long inside my mother but the thought of having spent any time inside my grandmother makes me feel physically sick. She had all manner of PD and I actually think she was a fully-fledged psychopath.

[Rose1]

Very interesting. Many years ago exbpdh's doctor said he believed there was often some mental predisposition (ie bipolar)and that the nurture side of living with pd amplified it. By nurture he meant no calm environment but chaotic family life, modelling of bad behaviour to get own way etc.

Since ex displayed more and more of his ubpdm's traits as he got older I think there's something to this. Ex was diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD and bpd.

His daughters are coping well with life (imo because he opted out and they had little to do with him) but oldest has cptsd and ADHD. Youngest is on the spectrum with controlled bipolar. Both are in their 30s and have been diagnosed.

The Dr also told me that if I continue to bring them up in a peaceful environment with good boundaries and not allow some of the manipulative behaviour of their father, that they have the best chance of not developing bpd.

I strongly believe minimal contact helped (his choice but very much a blessing in disguise) as the parental alienation was fierce when there was contact. This eventually caused the girls to go NC.

Kids have enough issues with ADHD and bipolar without the constant manipulative behaviour of pd being modelled imo.

This may explain why some in your family line are doing ok, even if they have issues.