2021 - the year of my own home!

[Jolie40]

even though I can afford now, it still feels scary to spend so much money.

remember that scary feeling after we got mortgage
every time I went to bed, it felt like a brick was on my chest!

that feeling eventually went away & one just gets used to paying the monthly bill

are you still looking at tiny homes OR regular homes?
it is fun looking; hope you find something right for you!

[JollyJazz]

Thanks - yep, I'm sure I'll be fine 

[JollyJazz]

Oh, I should add... I have actually cast my net wider now. Not just tiny homes... Part of the appeal of a tiny home (I'll admit) is being able to much more easily move my home in case my PDM who has stalked me for years finds me.

But I decided that my first priority now is finding something I like, and not letting anything else get in the way. And if my PDM shows up, I'll have locks on the doors, and can call the police!

Yes, it's a big process. I'm so fortunate to be able to afford my own home as an independent woman. I am feeling happy about it 

Still a lot of work ahead - but I'm not afraid of hard work.

I remember how much I was just expected to me the little housemaid, clean up after the rest of the family at home+school work+part time jobs (which were really a way of supplementing my parents income). My work ethic has served me well in my career.

Also - the rest of my family has tempers, whereas as the scapegoat I always had to be nice and kind. That's helped me well in my career too (I'm a diplomat, and a good negotiator, I had to learn assertiveness, but I got there).

It really does feel good to be starting my very own household! 

[1footouttadefog]

There are certainly plusses and minuses to a tiny home.

I think the most outstanding negative for me is that they don't often increase in value.

I am glad you are putting your beads and wants ahead of your fears.

If tiny works for you do it, if stationary works do that. Big ir small or just right in the middle, I hope you find a place that feels right and inpires you, and is a peaceful home.

I have a home that is and never will be what we planned.  Lots of things to unpack in that but from the building process until now has been a roller coaster ride.

I have a little piece of land that I put a shed in and will covert it to a tiny.  I don't worry about the value as it's a hobby not an I vestments.  To me no different than spending money fishing or wine tasting.

Lumber is high now so I am doing the septic and drain field this year.  I have a toilet and pedastal sink for it already.  A bathroom and the kitchen gadgets I have gathered will make it a functional retreat.

I plan to make it available to other women who need a respite also.

[JollyJazz]

Hello, just a little update. Well, I didn't manage to get my own home this year, but I've made steps forward on this process. One big one was around working on my trauma and fear of being in one place, due to decades of harassment, stalking and home invasions by my PD parents.

So I'm moving this goal to 2022, and proud of the steps I've taken so far!   

[1footouttadefog]

I did not get as far on my goals as I had hoped either.  I did as a result of happenings revolving around my spouses mental and physical health and accommodating those, gain ground in my own house.  He now has his one area and I got my kitchen back.  There is a long way to go and I will be making another big step at the shed to tiny project in Dec. 

I am glad you are happy with progress that was made in other goals.  It's great you are still looking to move forward with the home goal. 

Stay strong.

[JollyJazz]

Hi 1footoutofthefog,

Thanks for this! 

Yes, progress is progress I say!

Best wishes for having your own space as well in 2022!

[JollyJazz]

Edit: this has been moved to 2022! And that's okay! 

I have made some progress on this.

I've also realised how much I've been scared off being in one place due to my parents continued harassment and stalking. But I'm ready to stick up for myself and find ways to be safe, even if it means a huge fence and calling the police!

[blacksheep7]

Edit: this has been moved to 2022! And that's okay! 

I have made some progress on this.

I've also realised how much I've been scared off being in one place due to my parents continued harassment and stalking. But I'm ready to stick up for myself and find ways to be safe, even if it means a huge fence and calling the police!

Good for you! 

[JollyJazz]

Thanks Black sheep! 

[moglow]

Jj, there's a true comfort and safety having your own space! It's yours and you get to live and do whatever works for you. Other people's stuff isn't allowed except by your choice. Try as they may to force it, there's just so far that can go. I'm digging down deeper into that comfort every day and loving the once it provides!

[JollyJazz]

Thanks so much for the encouragement Moglow! I'm glad you are enjoying your own space too.

Yes, it's good to remember the comfort that will come when I have my own space isn't it...

I feel like I'm just used to not having what I want, it's hard to believe I can really achieve the goal of having my own space - but I can! 

I remember we had a bird in a cage that somehow escaped and instead of flying out the window it just sat in one place. I think we do end up with mental 'cages' that we have to escape from...
Anyway I'm getting there and doing that, I'll keep posting here.

Thanks again for the encouragement and support 

[moglow]

All of that, yes. I didn't think I'd be able to do it and was pretty worn down by the time everything was done. The day we closed and they finally gave me my key, I came back to my new home, sat in the floor and just cried. So much had built up for so long! Honestly it was a while before I *didn't* get all choked up just walking in my front door.


I found strength and patience I didn't know I had, and I think you will too. Just whittle away at it as and when you can, keep those baby steps going. You'll get there. 🏡

[JollyJazz]

Thanks Moglow! I'm glad that you got there with your house - dream as well!

I think I'll cry too!

Yes, it's definitely baby steps but will get there