"Trigger" event coming this weekend

[Phantom Muse]

I awakened this morning feeling so shaky and nervous.  Four years ago this weekend, my uNBPDso attempted suicide.  On my birthday.

At the time, he lived across the country from me.  Because it was my birthday and I had not heard from him first thing, I knew something was wrong.  The hours that followed were literal torture; I had to find a way to help him but I was almost 1,000 miles away from him.  After many phone calls and what seemed like an eternity, I was able to get help to him.

By the time help arrived and could reach him, he was barely breathing, I am told.  He had taken a large amount of prescription and OTC medication.  I flew out on the first flight I could catch later that day, and I spent the next two and a half days by his side at the hospital—wondering if he would survive.

In his PD rages since he has, nine times now, accused me of causing that suicide attempt.  To his credit, it has been almost a year since he has done so.

I have spent the last three birthdays since then mostly alone or with my adult child.  My PD has further tarnished two of the past three birthdays with additional drama.  I have been feeling stronger overall (what a blessing that is), but I am so afraid this weekend will be intolerable for me.  I have no plans to see him, and I expect nothing from him; however, I am afraid he will find a way to ruin it all.  I ask for so little; I just want one day for me where I need not worry about this.

I have made a few plans with my adult daughter to ease my way through the weekend, but she is mostly unavailable on my actual birthday.  I am usually pretty good at managing my expectations now, but I awoke feeling like I had gone emotionally backwards by a few years. 

Any advice?  Thanks so much!

[Mitchy]

I'm so sorry that you have endured this. I wish I could give you good advice that would take away all of the trauma you've had and this PTSD.

When I read your post all I could think about was the Parks and Recreation episodes where Tom and Donna had their "Treat Yo Self!" day. So, maybe that would be a good thing. It's your birthday...you won't see him...so find small or big ways to treat yourself, if you can.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! You deserve the treats.

[Samuel S.]

Phantom Muse, I am so very sorry that you are dealing with PD guy. He truly has gone to the extreme to distract your joy for your birthday so that he gets all the attention. He is vicious, malicious, and selfish. He blames you for his own actions. He is being absolutely unfair to you. You deserve to anticipate and to enjoy your birthday, because it is a way to honor you! He is like a child who wants all the attention brought to himself. He indeed needs loads of therapy as to why he is being cruel to himself and to you.

Bottom line, he took those things himself and nobody else. He caused his own problems and tried to place the blame on you. You did NOT feed him those pills. HE did!

So, enjoy your birthday! You deserve to celebrate YOU! Happy Birthday! 👏👏👏👏👏

[Whiteheron]

Happy birthday, Phantom! May your day be PD free! Go do something nice for yourself. Don't be available on your phone if that's what he uses to contact you. You deserve a nice relaxing birthday.