When their eyes turn black

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I have narcissists in my family, but this particular behavior I have only seen from my sister's husband.

I am NC with my sister and her husband for over five years. I think he mostly kept his rages to small audiences, but he has blue eyes and a couple times I saw them literally turn black when he got angry. One time was when he got mad at my sister for dirty dishes on their kitchen counter, and I did not even know what I was seeing. He did not seem human. He then just walked off. I asked my sister about it later, and she said he does that on occasion and seemed to accept it.     
         
The second time however it was directed at me. We were gathering around a table in a restaurant on Mother's Day and I said something to my sister about sitting next to me so she did not have to sit next to him. I know, it was not the best thing to say. He did not say one word, but as I sat down I looked across the table and he was glaring at me with those same black eyes, furrowed brow, and shoulders were raised. It sent a chill down my spine. I thought he was going to jump across the table at me. The moment however passed. 
 
I searched this topic it was explained as an adrenaline rush that makes the pupils dilate so the eyes appear black. That only explains the physical aspect though. I still wonder about the emotional side. I really felt like he was experiencing an impulse of violence that was barely being contained. I do not know what the heck that was, but I felt like he had no humanity and no connection to soul which is quite scary.

I am just wondering if anyone else has seen this, or what may be the underlying factor.

Thank you.

[moglow]

Blueberry, my brothers and I have discussed this a few times over the past several months, how mommie dearest's eyes and face contorted when she's angry. There's an undeniable physical change, her voice and overall demeanor change as well. If it's a public situation she can and does contain herself, but behind closed doors she doesn't bother. It's like she somehow knows it's not okay but to her mind it is right then because it's with family. It's eerie and can be very frightening to experience. Your sister may be doing all she can to contain it [due to shame or fear], knowing it takes very little to trigger him once that appears.

 I don't know how it all occurs physically but I do know mother's had high blood pressure for many years. Maybe blood pressure shooting up dilates the eyes, creates the other physical changes like the overall tension and shaking? Both brothers who've mentioned it to me have said unequivocally it's pure evil and her choice to go that direction.

[Cat of the Canals]

I can't remember if I've ever noticed the eyes in particular, but I've seen my PDmom "turn" several times, and it's a whole body thing. She straightens to her full height, sets her jaw, and lifts her chin it so she's looking down at you.

If you've ever watched the old Disney cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland, when the Queen of Hearts starts yelling "Off with their heads!" and "Your way?! All ways her are my way!" that's exactly how she looks and sounds. Like a tyrant.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thanks Moglow and Cat.

It definitely does seem like something inside them turns into - something. I also think I agree it seems evil. Thanks.

[NarcKiddo]

I have not seen that. My N mother and N grandmother got shrunken pin prick pupils when they were dangerous. I know adrenaline makes my pupils dilate. My first MIL told me she thought I was on drugs when she first met me. Her son was an addict. I have never taken illegal substances. I thought the pupil dilation was my infatuation with him but looking back I think it was a stress reaction.

[DCF1952]

Blueberry,
Yes yes yes yes! I've read that this is sometimes called a reptilian stare or lizard eyes or something.

[SeaBreeze]

Black eyes sounds positively scary. 

With uNPDm and stbx uNPDh, their eyes didn't turn black but their faces literally turned red and contorted during rages. Literally watched spittle flying from my mother's mouth during one rage. stbx would storm around the house Darth Vader style, to the point where oldest DS would hum the "Imperial March" under his breath. On the other hand, in candid photos or driver license photos where stbx can't fake a smile, his eyes and face look chillingly blank and empty, like there is no emotion at all.

Both my mother and stbx, as well as ex-uNPDh #1 -- all 3 of them definitely showed the infamous "narcissistic smirk".  Annoying at best, downright disturbing at worst!

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thanks NarcKiddo, DCF and Seabreeze.

Yes, it is annoying and disturbing whether it is reptilian and empty or smirking. I feel like this is one very clear way they reveal themselves because they seem unable to hide or control it.

[walking on broken glass]

Haven't experienced the black eyes either but definitely the face changing, and it is frightening. Also the smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

[Dragonfly]

  I have experienced this a couple times that really freaked me out. With my mother it was accompanied with the curling of the lips into nasty side-smirk when she saw her verbal assault had the desired effect. It feels like HATE pure and simple.

[losingmyself]

I remember seeing the change in his eyes when he got angry and started raging. It was frightening and I'll never get that look out of my mind

[Rose1]

I experienced the black 3yes a couple of times from my exbpdh. It's very scary. He wasn't violent with it the last couple of times but had been in the past.
I got the kids and left the room both times. Shortly after he left the house permanently, although I'm sure he didn't intend it to be permanently at the time.

[olivegirl]

I have 2 toxic PD parents.  My Bpd Queen/Witch Mother goes haughty and avoids eye contact with me.  A prolific gaslighter, her tactic is to stab me in the back and tell me she loves me simultaneously.  More psychological warfare. 

My Npd anti-social father enjoys intimidating and humiliating his adult daughters with his long death glare—especially in public.  He doesn't mind if his mask slips; it's his way of playing the wronged party if anyone notices. 

What makes his death glare and black eyes so scary is the contemptuous smirk on his face.  There is no denying his predatory and malevolent motives.

As a result, my sister and I ran to be comforted by our "nicer"covert Bpd malignant mother. 

What I realized is when I was younger, I had become numb to unsafe people.  If anything, I was attracted to befriending them to win them over.  The more they disrespected me, the harder I tried to prove my worth.

The pandemic plus stage 2 cancer gave me a few years reprieve from being in the same room as my PD parents.

When my father sat in MY house and curled his lip and lunged at me:  I recoiled from him by preparing to stand up to defend myself.  Yes, my father is physically violent but he never dared to do so in my house.

Realizing that I was about to call out for my husband, my father gave me the longest death glare ever.  My mother sat there, not coming to my defense naturally.

I started shaking inside, violently.  I kept it together.  Not wanting to give my sadistic father the satisfaction of seeing me scared.

But the next morning when they left for the airport, I cried heavily and hugged them goodbye.  Confident that I would go No Contact. 

It makes me sick and tormented that I hugged them but a part of me just wants loving parents. 

It is too draining to be in the same room for them.  Their energy is dark.  But now I felt their energy whereas before I was just numb to it. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

My Npd anti-social father enjoys intimidating and humiliating his adult daughters with his long death glare—especially in public.  He doesn't mind if his mask slips; it's his way of playing the wronged party if anyone notices. 

What makes his death glare and black eyes so scary is the contemptuous smirk on his face.  There is no denying his predatory and malevolent motives.

As a result, my sister and I ran to be comforted by our "nicer"covert Bpd malignant mother. 

Wow. Olivegirl... You are not alone here, my friend. I am very familiar with the death glare and smirk, and running to my mother only to be stabbed in the back every time.