In the UK, been to Spain - yay 14 days no visit

[nanotech]

I've only become aware in the last decade or so; that I'd  managed to have three children and raise them yet I hadn't unenmeshed myself from my FOO.
I was still chained to their dysfunctional trains of thought and ways of living. I was still so influenced by them and so servile to them.
It was a shock to see that I was being all this, while thinking I was so free and independent.

Now that I AM independent, they are still trying to reel me back in to their dark world.
It won't work.
They keep trying.
I think your dad does too.
Call it force of habit.Call it blind entitlement.
They won't ever stop.
They had it too easy, too fun for too long, and they blooming well
WANT THAT BACK AGAIN.

The sad part is, we've even offered them a healthy relationship -and they don't want that.
I would love a sister who rings me just to see how I am. I've two of them. They've never done that. Same with golden child brother. Same with my dad.
It's always the talionic thinking. I'd get a call when they wanted something. They'd maybe throw a few crumbs (intermittent positive rewards) by feigning love and empathy toward me.
It used to work.

Know what you mean about healthy relationship.....

Dad wants the relationship he wants where he tells me how things are going to work. I've decided I dont want that - so its not happening. Unless he backs down we'll have no relationship at all.

Yes, they literally want it all their own way. The way THEY want it, it's not a relationship at all. That's the irony.
It's proven by how my two NPD siblings didn't want anything to do with the kind of reciprocal, balanced contact I'd said was I was okay with, after my boundaries were put in place. Boundaries don't mean no contact, they mean that the contact reflects an equal and authentic relationship.
But they don't want a two way street with mutual respect. So it's the silent treat, with occasional attempted FM hoovers/ passive aggressive nonsense.
It's a just tiny bleat of annoyance, that they can't abuse me.
I believe they still think it's me just playing the game, and that I'm currently sulking with them, and I will eventually come round.
But they are out of my life for good.
Maybe I'll see them at dad's funeral. That will be it after that.