Constant calling of Doctor and ambulances -- how do I stop it? or not bother?

[p123]

He called them again today. They refused to come out. Not for the first time...
Its really hot in the UK at the moment. Hes got hayfever. I guess he feels tired - so he calls the doctor.

In the past, hes been told by the senior partner at the GP to not ring unless necessary. The 999 calls - hes been told by them to stop ringing them. Last time he called them they turned up the next day.

Whatever I or anyone else says he won't listen. If he feels slightly off colour he phones them. Not once does he think there is nothing they can do.

Healthwise hes pretty good for 86. He can walk a little way - up to a few 100 yards. He cooks himself, dresses, toilets. Not matter what hes convinced hes "So ill!". Honestly compares to some people hes doing ok.

I don;t know what to do. Ignore him and let him carry on? I've tried to talk to his GP but they're answer is hes mentally sound so its up to him.....

[Andeza]

Hey p123, what's your normal reaction when he tells you about these calls?

[WomanInterrupted]

I'd take your cue from the GP and ignore him each and every time he does this.   

You know what he's up to and what he's doing - it's attention-seeking behavior, so give him NO attention, just like you would a bratty child, clinging the leg of your trousers, screaming, "Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  HEY!  HEY!!!  HEY!!!!!  Look at MEEEEE!"   

It's the same thing, except he's old enough that you'd really think he'd know better!   

He doesn't, and he never will.

One of these times, he may actually need an ambulance - will they SEND one?

The jury is out - but honestly, if they don't, whose fault is that?

It'll be his.   

If your dad feels so strongly that he needs to go to the ER and they won't send an ambulance, tell him to call a taxi, Uber or Lyft.  You are BUSY and can't get away.  You can't shirk your duties - he'll have to find his own transportation, and that includes a ride home.

You are NOT a taxi service.

You may have to put your foot down and get firm with, "I said NO.  That is the end of the discussion.  Goodbye." 

What will really surprise you is how *good* it feels to FINALLY say what you've been stuffing down for years - not to be mean, but because it's TRUE. 

If he won't give up and keeps calling, give yourself permission to block his number because he's not ill and in need of help - he's being a nuisance. 

He'll figure out something else - he always does.

[Sidney37]

Ignore his calls for medical services,  it's between him and his doctor and you live far away.

My great aunt was like this with the physician and the pharmacy.   I baked them cookies and delivered them at Christmas to each office.  They looked terrified when I said i was Mrs. X's niece .  Once they realized i was there with a gift to apologize, they looked stunned that there was a reasonable person in the family!   

I'm not suggesting you take gifts, but we ignored her calls and complaints and attempted to apologize for her terrible behavior.   We all lived in the same town as she did and used the same medical services for the most part.   I couldn't have my care ignored due to her nonsense. 

[nanotech]

Oh no. I think my dad is starting again too. We've had the waifing begin again.  He's nervous though to go to the hospital right now.

P123 The Welsh GP and services seem to be handling things well. Here, they seem to humour my dad and they send them.
My dad, in a phonecall to my sister has  admitted to ' knowing EXACTLY what to say to the paramedics to get taken into hospital'. 
He was admitted four times in one week. All mediocre stuff.
Not one emergency.
In my view;
He just doesn't enjoy having an old body, and he's constantly in fear that his heart will suddenly stop working. He knows once he's admitted that they will check the heart and other vitals of anybody his age. He loves the reassurance of  getting a clear ECG. Then there's the fuss from the nurses and doctors. Plus he can talk about his old job with them ( he's ex pharma) and reminisce.
He loved his job.
The welsh system seems a lot better at sussing people! I wish they were more like that here in England.
I would let them handle it completely. As you said, he's fit and well for his age. So is my dad.
My dad can't accept being his age, and the thought that he is getting towards 90.  I think these actions of his are fuelled by fear, and fear alone.
Once he went to a&e because he hadn't pooped yet THAT DAY.
I kid you not.
You couldn't write it.

[p123]

Hey p123, what's your normal reaction when he tells you about these calls?

I just think - Jeez here we go again..... I just say "yeh", "oh right"

[p123]

I'd take your cue from the GP and ignore him each and every time he does this.   

You know what he's up to and what he's doing - it's attention-seeking behavior, so give him NO attention, just like you would a bratty child, clinging the leg of your trousers, screaming, "Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  HEY!  HEY!!!  HEY!!!!!  Look at MEEEEE!"   

It's the same thing, except he's old enough that you'd really think he'd know better!   

He doesn't, and he never will.

One of these times, he may actually need an ambulance - will they SEND one?

The jury is out - but honestly, if they don't, whose fault is that?

It'll be his.   

If your dad feels so strongly that he needs to go to the ER and they won't send an ambulance, tell him to call a taxi, Uber or Lyft.  You are BUSY and can't get away.  You can't shirk your duties - he'll have to find his own transportation, and that includes a ride home.

You are NOT a taxi service.

You may have to put your foot down and get firm with, "I said NO.  That is the end of the discussion.  Goodbye." 

What will really surprise you is how *good* it feels to FINALLY say what you've been stuffing down for years - not to be mean, but because it's TRUE. 

If he won't give up and keeps calling, give yourself permission to block his number because he's not ill and in need of help - he's being a nuisance. 

He'll figure out something else - he always does.

Like I said last time the ambulance came 20 hours later. He was not impressed.
The quantity of ambulance/doctor calls does seem to increase depending on his mood though.

[p123]

Oh no. I think my dad is starting again too. We've had the waifing begin again.  He's nervous though to go to the hospital right now.

P123 The Welsh GP and services seem to be handling things well. Here, they seem to humour my dad and they send them.
My dad, in a phonecall to my sister has  admitted to ' knowing EXACTLY what to say to the paramedics to get taken into hospital'. 
He was admitted four times in one week. All mediocre stuff.
Not one emergency.
In my view;
He just doesn't enjoy having an old body, and he's constantly in fear that his heart will suddenly stop working. He knows once he's admitted that they will check the heart and other vitals of anybody his age. He loves the reassurance of  getting a clear ECG. Then there's the fuss from the nurses and doctors. Plus he can talk about his old job with them ( he's ex pharma) and reminisce.
He loved his job.
The welsh system seems a lot better at sussing people! I wish they were more like that here in England.
I would let them handle it completely. As you said, he's fit and well for his age. So is my dad.
My dad can't accept being his age, and the thought that he is getting towards 90.  I think these actions of his are fuelled by fear, and fear alone.
Once he went to a&e because he hadn't pooped yet THAT DAY.
I kid you not.
You couldn't write it.

That all sounds very familiar to be honest....

Dads got a strange attitude. Its very black and white. If you are ill, you call someone. He cannot comprehend that there are some things that you pretty much have to put up with - like old age.
I pray he never gets a serious illness. I prefer if he drops dead one day - Im going to hell.

I like the poop story. I bet they couldnt stop laughing at the hospital. Not as bad but Dad called the GP the other day because his "hayfever was bad and he couldnt cope".

[lkdrymom]

My father has been to the ER countless times "because he didn't poop that day".

[Adrianna]

My grandmother really ramped up the ER visits the last few months she was at home. It was getting to a crisis point. I was getting comments about "do you work here?" "You look so familiar."  Yeah I was there often enough and with her antics, our visits did not go unnoticed. I went there once for.myself during those weeks and it felt so odd, to be there and not be focused on her for a change.

I know I've told you all before she got diagnosed with dementia with behavior issues, much to my surprise. She would whine to go to the hospital, once there would get tired of waiting for service, and would demand to go home. I think her end goal was to get admitted with a nice room so people could wait on her. If she saw that wasn't happening, she'd get antsy to leave. More than once they'd have to have a staff member sit with her because she'd try to get out of bed to leave.  She'd just try to walk out.

Keep in mind if their behavior starts going off the rails, request a cognition test and you may be surprised at the outcome. I'm talking about an actual test, not just a nurse asking her what day it is or where she is.  She scored 11 out 30 on that test, which I believe is the same test the president was given recently. It's a common one, Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

She became so unbearable and impossible to please, it was torture being around her. All of her usual antics were magnified.

Just a thought for those of you who are seeing the number of hospital trips increasing to an unmanageable level. Could be more than just the pd.  I had no clue she had this going on and when they first told me she scored dementia range, I immediately said no way she has that.  I was wrong.

[Boat Babe]

As PDs age, they can't resort to their old tricks. You are no longer eight years old and totally in their power. They are no longer in the prime of life and able to torture you. They are often alone because family members have had enough and have run for the hills. So our elderly PDs resort to pathetic tactics to get attention. That your dad is wasting valuable NHS resources is shameful, but he will never see that. He has no shame.

If he is otherwise of sound mind, I would ignore these antics. 

And remind him of the story about The boy who cried Wolf!

[p123]

As PDs age, they can't resort to their old tricks. You are no longer eight years old and totally in their power. They are no longer in the prime of life and able to torture you. They are often alone because family members have had enough and have run for the hills. So our elderly PDs resort to pathetic tactics to get attention. That your dad is wasting valuable NHS resources is shameful, but he will never see that. He has no shame.

If he is otherwise of sound mind, I would ignore these antics. 

And remind him of the story about The boy who cried Wolf!

Totally agree with you. His attitude is awful - he often says "I paid taxes all my life they owe me".

The way he treats the District nurse is appalling. My wife is a DN so knows the score. He demands they come before 10am so he can go out.
I've often told him they are only supposed to visit if hes housebound so telling them hes going out is not a good idea, and anyway, they're so busy they can't give times. His answer "well im not going to the surgery they can flippin well come to me". And "its not much to ask to come early is it?".

I honestly don;t know how the put up with him sometimes.... Luckily my wife works in a different area or he'd be off the list by now.

[Boat Babe]

The entitlement is staggering!

[p123]

This was wednesday. He was telling me how the doctor didnt need to come out but sent the nurse to do URGENT blood tests.
I needed to phone him NEXT DAY to see the results....

Hmmm. Not sure if blood tests take a day more like a week. Something fishy here.
Stupidly, I called him. No results it'll take a week. I think he knew this all along but used this as a scam again to get me to call two days in a row. (He always moans I never "keep in touch" with him because I don't phone enough).

Does he really think this sort of childish game playing is going to convince me to call him more?

[Adrianna]

This was wednesday. He was telling me how the doctor didnt need to come out but sent the nurse to do URGENT blood tests.
I needed to phone him NEXT DAY to see the results....

Hmmm. Not sure if blood tests take a day more like a week. Something fishy here.
Stupidly, I called him. No results it'll take a week. I think he knew this all along but used this as a scam again to get me to call two days in a row. (He always moans I never "keep in touch" with him because I don't phone enough).

Does he really think this sort of childish game playing is going to convince me to call him more?

The answer to your question is without a doubt, yes.  Problem is you've figured him out and you're not falling for it. You have the knowledge.

It becomes beyond annoying and frustrating once you know and see what they are doing.

[p123]

This was wednesday. He was telling me how the doctor didnt need to come out but sent the nurse to do URGENT blood tests.
I needed to phone him NEXT DAY to see the results....

Hmmm. Not sure if blood tests take a day more like a week. Something fishy here.
Stupidly, I called him. No results it'll take a week. I think he knew this all along but used this as a scam again to get me to call two days in a row. (He always moans I never "keep in touch" with him because I don't phone enough).

Does he really think this sort of childish game playing is going to convince me to call him more?

The answer to your question is without a doubt, yes.  Problem is you've figured him out and you're not falling for it. You have the knowledge.

It becomes beyond annoying and frustrating once you know and see what they are doing.

Yes he got me last night. After 5 mins of the usual moaning still no mention of the blood tests. I'm thinking - hang on now, Im phoning you because you told me you were getting the results of these urgent blood tests. I had to bring it up and then it was obvious they werent important.

Mission accomplished for him. He'd got me to do what he wanted - call him twice in two days.

He does this sort of thing ALL THE TIME. Its always a scam to get me to ring/visit etc.

I'll go and see him next week. I'm busy till thursday he won't like that. Can GUARANTEE he will try and tell me hes got no food in the house and I HAVE to visit before then. Bear in mind, I was in Spain for two weeks, then I've been home for 2 weeks in quarantine, so its pretty much 5 weeks hes managed. How bad luck is that that the food runs out 1-2 days before I visit?
Honestly, I do question sometimes how stupid he thinks I am. Some of his "emergencies" are quite frankly laughable - how on earth he thinks I believe him I'll never know. BUT he still does it?

To be honest, my wife has chilled a lot with him. She never sees him and has no wish to which is fine. SO she thinks it hilarious some of the stuff he comes up with.. It helps because we laugh about how he tries things on all the time.

Sure I mentioned it in another thread but this is scooter conversation we had last week:
Dad : "Im not using the scooter anymore because if I break down I can't get home".
Me: "Dad you don;t go far and I've paid for scooter recovery service, remember? They'll pick you up"
Dad: "But I wont be able to phone them if I'm out"
Me: "You take the mobile phone with you, and anyway I'm sure someone in the local town or a shop would call if you asked them" (its a busy small town so plenty or people, and shops)
Dad: "No I need to be able to walk home if I breakdown"
Me: "But Dad why do you think they do breakdown insurances? You're not the only old person who is in the same situation as you."
Dad: <silence>
Me: "I drive my car sometimes a long way, if I broke down 20 miles from home, I'm not walking home either! Its unlikely to happen, but you make arrangement (like breakdown cover)"
Dad: <silence>
Dad: "No I dont want to break down and have to walk home"

I give up...

[Adrianna]

You should give up because there is no reasonable conversation to be had with him. You'll keep going around in circles. You can't talk reason with someone who is unreasonable.

I went through the fake emergencies too, to get me to ring or run over. All a trick. Honesty it's straight up deceit and lying if you look at it.  They will pull all the stops to get their attention. Sad when you look at it but I know I became furious and rightly so. It's taking advantage and it's wrong. No one outside a pd family could possibly understand it.

[WomanInterrupted]

I agree - you know what he's doing.  You recognize it - so stop rewarding the bad behavior by calling.

Go back to the schedule *you* are comfortable with - and if he doesn't like it?

Well, he can do whatever he pleases, but it doesn't mean you're going to call or show up.

He'll be on his own to figure it out - which is how most adults handle their problems. 

[Poison Ivy]

 

[p123]

Trying it again today. These blood tests again - he says he phoned the doctor friday and they're arriving monday. I dont think so.

He also plans to call the doctor again on monday. Because "his hayfever is bad, and he feels run down". I give up. Hes gonna get banned from calling the doctor soon. He was on a final warning a few years ago for abusing the system so I can see it happening again...

Not getting involved. He doesn't listen to qualified doctors about his health, hes definitely not listening to me. I can see how its going to go - doctor is going to remove him from their list. Hes been warned and warned that if a doctor advises him one day, phoning every day for a week for the same thing, is going to gather the same answer from them. He ignores me when I warn him of the path hes heading.

Can guarantee its going to be a case of "woe is me, I did nothing wrong, why are they doing this to me" when it does happen. Thats Dad to a T. The world works in his head the way he thinks it works. You can hit him over the head with a 3ft plank but he still won't get it into his head that it doesnt work like that no matter how many people tell him. Then, as always, it all goes wrong...