Missing the Mark: Greeting Cards

SonofThunder · October 20, 2021, 12:54:45 PM

Each time my uPDw's birthday comes around, or its our anniversary, i find shopping for a greeting card to be a bit frustrating because of the amount of hypocrisy interlaced over the prior 364 days. The interesting thoughts that run through my head are:

*Im trying to find a bit of humor (or truth) in the realities of living with a PD vs words on most greeting cards)

1. 99% of the cards = gag reflex

2. If i buy one of those 99% cards, im lying on 75% of the included thoughts on the card except "happy birthday/anniversary", "i love you" or something related to food or sex.

3. 1% of cards = safe to give because their neutral, mostly centered around humor or some benign comparison.

4. If i give a 99% card, will she try and use it against me in the future. "But just last week, the card you gave me said _______". What the h@!! changed!!

5. How many 1% cards can i possibly give before she wonders about the other 99% and why the 99% are never chosen. 🤔

6. I wish there was a section of PD 'raw-reality' cards i could buy, sign and anonymously mail to a secret mailbox (like the real one Santa has at the North Pole for all the children's Christmas lists). Kind of like the unsent letter board.

Regarding #6, since that will never happen, how about re-writing a greeting card you gave/received and post it on this thread. I'll start by rewriting an anniversary card i once received.
——————-
From uPDw to SoT:

Real Card (Front): "Happy Anniversary! You know, the secret to a happy marriage is how often you say those three little words..."

New Raw Reality (Inside): "I lied, its actually five: how-may-i-serve-you"

Poison Ivy · October 20, 2021, 01:06:51 PM

I'm sorry that greeting card purchase and giving is so fraught for you. I just had a milestone birthday, and only one person in my family sent me a card. I would have loved any kind of card.

square · October 20, 2021, 01:22:40 PM

Only Vatentine's day card ever given to me: "I want to spend the rest of my life and every other life with you. "

Reality: "I hope you die." (Actual quote, said multiple times on multiple occasions, including right before a frightening and painful medical procedure.)

SonofThunder · October 20, 2021, 01:36:02 PM

Quote from: Poison Ivy on October 20, 2021, 01:06:51 PM
I'm sorry that greeting card purchase and giving is so fraught for you. I just had a milestone birthday, and only one person in my family sent me a card. I would have loved any kind of card.

I am SO sorry Poison Ivy. Happy Belated Birthday!! 🌼🌸🌺🎂🎁

SoT

square · October 20, 2021, 01:37:48 PM

Indeed, happy birthday, Poison Ivy!!

Poison Ivy · October 20, 2021, 02:01:00 PM

Thank you!

losingmyself · October 20, 2021, 02:31:26 PM

(picture of an angry looking cat with a party hat on)
inside: HAPPY FRIGGIN' BIRTHDAY
Signed
Love ya H
Oh my gosh, my heart.

SonofThunder · October 20, 2021, 02:38:36 PM

Quote from: losingmyself on October 20, 2021, 02:31:26 PM
(picture of an angry looking cat with a party hat on)
inside: HAPPY FRIGGIN' BIRTHDAY
Signed
Love ya H
Oh my gosh, my heart.

Sorry losingmyself that you got that bare-minimum, grade-school b-day party type of card from your H.

Your "oh my gosh, my heart". Lol 😂 Thanks for the laugh.

SoT

losingmyself · October 20, 2021, 03:41:33 PM

I forgot to say Happy birthday, Poison Ivy!!
And we would all send you a thousand lovely birthday cards, if we could!

Boat Babe · October 20, 2021, 03:55:53 PM

Quote from: square on October 20, 2021, 01:22:40 PM
Only Vatentine's day card ever given to me: "I want to spend the rest of my life and every other life with you. "

Reality: "I hope you die." (Actual quote, said multiple times on multiple occasions, including right before a frightening and painful medical procedure.)

Ooh square, huge hugs for that last one. Unbelievably cruel. Sending love and courage to you.

Boat Babe · October 20, 2021, 03:59:04 PM

Happy birthday Poison Ivy

moglow · October 20, 2021, 04:16:50 PM

Huh. You oughta hit the mother's day section when that time of year rolls around. There's just no appropriate choice available.

SonofThunder · October 20, 2021, 04:37:17 PM

Quote from: moglow on October 20, 2021, 04:16:50 PM
Huh. You oughta hit the mother's day section when that time of year rolls around. There's just no appropriate choice available.

I bet! Maybe you need to get hold of losingmyself's card, scratch out 'birthday' and hand write 'Mothers Day' on it. "Happy FRIGGIN Mothers Day" with the angry party-hat cat on the front.

So then moglow, if you could create a raw-reality card to send, what short card-phrase would you desire on the inside of the mothers day card?

SoT

Gettintired76 · October 21, 2021, 03:58:50 AM

Firstly....HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! poison Ivy. Secondly I gave up on card or hell who am I kidding any kind of gifts a long time ago. I honestly was never allowed to ANYwhere alone, so theres goes any hope of surprising. Then when I did pick something out It was never good enough. So I just said hell with it.

escapingman · October 21, 2021, 04:06:22 AM

I haven't figured out if my mum is PD or not or if she is just really odd. Anyway, to the topic. For any birthdays in the family, mine, stbx, kids, she sends really old post cards with photos of either animals or landscape. All of them from the same batch she must have found in a second hand shop and stored in her drawer for years. I googled the serial number on one of them and they were produced in the 90s..... I don't really mind, but for the kids I think they would like to see a little bit of effort.

SonofThunder · October 21, 2021, 06:15:17 AM

Quote from: Gettintired76 on October 21, 2021, 03:58:50 AM
Firstly....HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! poison Ivy. Secondly I gave up on card or hell who am I kidding any kind of gifts a long time ago. I honestly was never allowed to ANYwhere alone, so theres goes any hope of surprising. Then when I did pick something out It was never good enough. So I just said hell with it.

Thats interesting. My BPD/NPDw lives a facade life of 'perfect life, perfect wife' as well as 'perfect family'. She lives this lie not only to herself, but outwardly to others, by her possessions and impeccable style. She's a physically gorgeous middle-aged woman and looks like shes in her 30's with no surgery to assist. So therefore combined with a fat pocketbook from my (truly blessed combined with hard work) self-employment, shes got the perfect recipe to nurture the NPD facade.

She is very sweet to others outside the home and like my NPDfather, the entire community around her thinks shes one of the nicest, most caring, giving individuals they know.....until you 1. Wrong her in some way 2. Dont invite her 3. Don't respond appropriately to her generosity. Then, you will get a taste (just a taste) of her PD; and its sour enough to muffle a neighbor friendship but not smear her name in the community.

She expects cards and gifts from me (and our adult children) at every appropriate occasion and expects a certain level of effort and creativity or you will be PD bait-questioned regarding the lack thereof and she uses these occasions as a thermometer to gauge everyones current opinion/standing with her.

That is why I write my initial post regarding the hypocrisy in my situation, when card/gift occasions arise. What is interesting to me is that i expected more similarities to my experiences here, but thats not necessarily the case.

It may be in part due to the amount of females vs males that are here on Out of the FOG so my experiences with a grandiose NPD/BPD wife are statistically probably low compared to the experiences from PD husbands and the wives here on Out of the FOG.

For me, it is a no-brainer in peace-maintenance to get an appropriate card at every expected occasion vs the opposite drama experience of me potentially putting in little effort.

SoT

escapingman · October 21, 2021, 06:53:15 AM

SoT: Did you just describe my wife? I could have written that exact piece of text word for word to describe her.

SonofThunder · October 21, 2021, 07:07:54 AM

Quote from: escapingman on October 21, 2021, 06:53:15 AM
SoT: Did you just describe my wife? I could have written that exact piece of text word for word to describe her.

#camaraderie

Its always interesting and comforting to walk the trail with others who have a similar journey and fascinating as well, how 'cookie-cutter' PD's can be.

SoT

Gettintired76 · October 21, 2021, 01:30:50 PM

Yes my ex as well

11JB68 · October 21, 2021, 03:54:21 PM

years ago i stopped buying cards for updh as he stopped buying them and then would accuse me of making him feel guilty but doing something for him that he wasn't doing for me (gee, now I do lots of stuff for him that he doesn't do for me -but THAT was an issue?)
I also started having DS make cards for folks instead of buying - that way no weird meaningless words and they were unique/special etc PLUS CHEAPER!!
Also - weirdly - just before uPDm let loose a whole bunch of hate towards my uPDh, she had given him a REALLY sappy/emotional, LOVE YOU SON IN LAW type card for his bday....SO confusing....