Missing the Mark: Greeting Cards

[Lauren17]

SoT, I gave up giving greeting cards many years ago. But, I've received many. They are usually, flowery, pink, embossed, with a short paragraph describing the most perfect creature to ever roam the face of the earth. (Blech)
So, how about an honest card from a PD to a non?
Happy anniversary!
I'm so glad I found you to clean my house, bring me food, raise my children and feel my feelings 
Never Change

[Gettintired76]

So true Lauren.

[1footouttadefog]

I buy cards with cute animal pics on them and simple statements that are safe. 

[BeautifulCrazy]

My uPDh almost always chose beautiful cards for special occasions.
I loved them.
Sort of.
They were beautiful to look at.
They contained lovely sentiments that I wished were true.
They often had themes or images that appealed to my particular sense of humor, or a piece of our shared history.... so he must have known or understood me on some level? Strange how he didn't / couldn't show this at any other time!
The insides were almost always blank. No name, no signature, no personal message. Very rarely, as though he just happened to have a pen that day, they would be addressed "Babe," with nothing else.
I recently threw out a stack of these. I kept a few funny ones for reuse since they were empty inside. (Kind of like my uPDh?)

[SonofThunder]

My uPDh almost always chose beautiful cards for special occasions.
I loved them.
Sort of.
They were beautiful to look at.
They contained lovely sentiments that I wished were true.
They often had themes or images that appealed to my particular sense of humor, or a piece of our shared history.... so he must have known or understood me on some level? Strange how he didn't / couldn't show this at any other time!
The insides were almost always blank. No name, no signature, no personal message. Very rarely, as though he just happened to have a pen that day, they would be addressed "Babe," with nothing else.
I recently threw out a stack of these. I kept a few funny ones for reuse since they were empty inside. (Kind of like my uPDh?)

Yes!

So much of your experiences are mine as well in receiving a card, except my card inside has both inside covers filled with memories, hopes and kindness to go along with the "themes or images that appealed to my particular sense of humor, or a piece of our shared history.... so he must have known or understood me on some level?  Strange how he didn't / couldn't show this at any other time!"

The Jeckll and Hyde of these expected card-giving occasions, showcases the facade and hypocrisy of life with a PD. 

SoT

[blunk]

I experienced this with my bpdxh. He expected a card (for every occasion) with a heartfelt message, as well as a personal message written inside. In later years he expected 3...a serious one, a funny one, and one from the dogs.

However, the cards he gave me were like something you'd get from a friend in middle school. The worst one that I remember was something about wanting to take me out for a fuzzy navel for my birthday...and when you open the card there was a piece of lint (fuzz) and it said here you go. I literally cried afterwards. When I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I would like to get a serious card from him at least once in a while I was a B****, and I never appreciated anything he did for me.

Gifts were a similar experience. I always try to be a thoughtful gift-giver, listening for clues leading up to the holiday/occasion, considering the person's interests or hobbies, trying to make the gift personal right down to the wrapping. My x's take on gift giving was that you only gave things that you need, and he HATED wrapping. Leading to the Christmas where I received a plastic grocery bag containing shampoo and conditioner, body wash, and deodorant. Again I cried. And it wasn't about getting a great gift, it was that there was literally no thought behind it. I would rather have received nothing,

I knew it was nearing the end for me when I tried to pick out an Anniversary card the last year we were together. I stood in the aisle for what seemed like ages. None of those cards reflected what I was feeling...or more accurately, what I was not feeling. I found a generic "Happy Anniversary" card and just signed it, no special message. He threw a fit that it wasn't personalized...and I got another middle school card. It was 9 am and I was already wishing that I went to work that day.

There are so many more examples, but they're just depressing and this is already getting long. I am happy to say that my wonderful DH now gets me beautiful heartfelt cards. We are even able to laugh at the fact that he accidentally gave me the same birthday card 2 years in a row. He chuckled and said...well at least you know that's truly how I feel about you. <3

[SonofThunder]

blunk,

The card expectations scene of your PDxh sounds exhausting, as you lose no matter what card route you chose. Im sorry you got the middle school cards.  Either way, our experiences in card giving/receiving is a very odd experience that I look forward to it being over, each occasion that arrives.  Im glad you are now experiencing truth in card-giving, in both directions.

SoT

[Cascade]

Someone needs to start creating cards for folks like us! I find blank cards or humorous cards the easiest to give, though I've given mushy cards too even though I felt like a hypocrite for doing so. One year my husband went out of his way to buy me a custom made card and I was happy to see it until I read what it said inside, something kinda insulting about farting. 🙄

[SonofThunder]

Someone needs to start creating cards for folks like us! I find blank cards or humorous cards the easiest to give, though I've given mushy cards too even though I felt like a hypocrite for doing so. One year my husband went out of his way to buy me a custom made card and I was happy to see it until I read what it said inside, something kinda insulting about farting. 🙄

Cascade, i agree!  For me its humorous.  Blank is difficult because i have to creatively write something that says the intention of the event, states enough to keep any drama over a card (too little said) from occurring, yet doesnt leave me with a 'caretaking' feeling about what i wrote.  So again, creative humor is best in my marriage to a PDw.  Yes, we need our own section at the store. 

My initial post suggested a truthfully blunt section for the PD in our life, where we can also buy one of those and mail it somewhere benign (similar vibe to the unsent letters board here on Out of the FOG), while we give the humorous or more generic card to the PD.  At least my gut feelings would then be balanced out by the blunt card. 

SoT

[blunk]

I might just have to write a harsh reality greeting card type post on the Unsent Letters board. LOL

[Cascade]

I might just have to write a harsh reality greeting card type post on the Unsent Letters board. LOL

Go for it!

[SonofThunder]

I might just have to write a harsh reality greeting card type post on the Unsent Letters board. LOL

Go for it!

[1footouttadefog]

If it's moral to outsource intimacy in the form of having Hallmark write nice sentiments, what else can we outsource morally?  😆