what happened to you when you diminished the narcissistic supply to uNPD-x?

[Elsbeth]

since the final report regarding divorce and with lots of work and effort on my part, the way in which i interact with the uNPD-x has been pretty spot on - meaning, i do not engage unless necessary or only as required by court, i use the BIFF method from the high conflict institute and have learned how to be brief and information and with a friendly firm tone, i've used methods of thought as explained to me by others who have successfully dealt with uNPDs - i think of the uNPD-x as from another country of completely different culture and matter of factly state how things are done. All of these methods have allowed me to settle into a deep detachment from the uNPD-x

and then i got an email that i can only describe as my gut reaction telling me the uNPD-x is going off the rails .. or either entered the beginning phase of alzheimers or dementia ... seriously, the things written questioned basic facts about our child - things that have been known for more than a decade and have had to be dealt with medically over that time and multiple times. Things that the uNPD-x was physically present at.

i received good advice as to handle that email. But I would like to know from those here on the forum -

what has been your experience with your ex-uNPD when the narcissistic supply to that person has been diminished? Do they go off the rails and become more extreme before finding their supply elsewhere?

right now i see the ex-uNPD as trying to force a court showdown by not doing what was ordered of them ... which would mean I would have to ask the court to enforce that order ... again to me this is extreme behavior on the part of the ex-uNPD as the order is an explicit one line statement of the ex-nPD has to do explicit action Y (write a check to me) on or before a given date (which has passed).  The ex-uNPD is not responding to my emails regarding this (multiple have been sent) and the ex-nPD cannot deny getting the emails as on the days and close to the time of those emails the ex-nPD is responding to other emails.  To me, this behavior is "crazy". It is a brazen disregard of what the court ordered.

But again, I ask, Does an nPD behavior worsen when their narcissistic supply lessens? And if so, in what ways? What can I expect to face as I move further away from the FOG and into the light and the ex-uNPD is left standing more alone in their darkness?

thanks in advance

[clara]

I think it depends on the NPD, elsbeth, but my uNPDexh certainly doubled-down on his NPD after I left.  At first it was in the form of reverting to his behavior prior to our marriage--i.e., all hearts and flowers.  He even wanted to take me out to dinner to a nice restaurant--something we seldom did during our marriage since he had no real interest in me after we got married.  This behavior persisted until he found another woman to pursue in marriage, when he totally disappeared from my life.  But in between, when I resisted his attempts to woo me back, he resorted to various harassment techniques, such as trying to tell me he was going to sue me in order to make me pay the entire cost of the divorce (since I left him), wanting things I'd been given by both him and his parents back, wanting me to help him out with his tax issues claiming he wouldn't be in that mess if I hadn't left him etc.  I ignored it or told him to "go for it", i.e. called his bluff.  He didn't pursue any of it and eventually disappeared.  I was firm and final, non-confrontational.  When I didn't behave in the manner he expected (being a doormat as I'd been throughout the marriage) he wasn't sure how to deal with me so left for what he thought were greener pastures (he's now on greener pasture number four). 

You seem to be handling the situation well, elsbeth, and you're so lucky to have knowledge of PD behavior in your arsenal of defenses, because when I divorced my NPD I had no awareness of what PD was let alone how to deal with it, I just had to use gut instinct which turned out well...or maybe I was just lucky?!  In any event, hopefully when your ex realizes he's not getting anywhere with you, his need for supply will be great enough that he'll turn to other sources (and it seems they always find them).  Good luck and hang in there!

[Boat Babe]

Greener pastures number four. Lol

[Whiteheron]

When I didn't behave in the manner he expected (being a doormat as I'd been throughout the marriage) he wasn't sure how to deal with me so left for what he thought were greener pastures (he's now on greener pasture number four). 

yep

Mine tried to "woo" me back - bought me flowers (once), I was expected to...idk what, fawn over them? I didn't, just thanked him for the beautiful flowers. I had wanted to do some renovations on the house for several years but he'd refused. He offered to get me the "tile floor in the kitchen I've always wanted" when I had never expressed interest in a tile floor. I knew that was a false promise anyways. Then he offered to get me an insanely expensive car. I told him "no thanks." He was completely confused and kept telling me to get back to normal. I told him that I was behaving normally.

He couldn't handle it, so he escalated his behaviors - paranoia, hostility, you name it.

I remained MC and gave no reaction, so he then moved on to the "greener pastures" other posters have referred to. He's already promised her a new kitchen ( that she'll never get because it will be false promises again).

[Associate of Daniel]

The best thing that has happened since I dropped the rope with my uNPD exH and his uNPD wife is that

I FEEL BETTER.
I AM STRONGER.
I AM MENTALLY WELL.
I SLEEP WELL.

He rages every now and then, mixed in with the continual stream of condescension and false accusations. So his behaviour hasn't changed really.  He just doesn't contact me as much and usually just about arrangements for ds12, rather than the "please explain" emails I was getting.

I'm so glad I'm at this point.

AOD

[Hattie]

Yeah, they tend to go off the rails before getting a new supply. Sam Vaknin describes this well in his book, "malignant self-love ".

After i implemented a permanent state of medium chill with my ex, he started drinking a lot, moping around the house and refusing to work, entering paranoid states of mind and kind of living in a fantasy world. Sad to see. I tried to look after him and show him kindness, but just not react to his BS. His response was to cheat on me and eventually move in with the new supply. ..

[stardawn192]

My uBPDx tried getting me back by telling me that I wouldn't find anyone else that wanted a committed relationship (which was the reason I left them, they just wanted someone to hang out and sleep with) because "believe me, I've tried finding them." They "tried" giving me compliments, literally said "you look nice" when I was all dressed up for New Years Eve. Wow, thank you... They tried guilting me back into the relationship, got aggressive via text and even tried holding me down when we were together at one point. In the end, I didn't give them what they wanted. They told our friends that "I would be back." No.

They've moved onto new supply, which they told me is "too nice for them" and not what they want in the looks department (I wasn't either apparently, but people were literally telling me when I was with them that I am very attractive, nice, and I didn't deserve how I was being treated). At first, I was jealous but now it's more like thank goodness.