My sisters never cared

[Call Me Cordelia]

Last night a close friend asked me if I were still in contact with my two sisters. I just said "No" and let it be. But this morning I'm angry at them all over again.

The two of them ghosted me as soon as it was clear I was no longer going to take any crap from our Narents. The younger one never tried much, but as soon as I stopped jumping to her aid the moment she called, it was all over. I reached out to them both to let them know exactly what had happened, with a copy of NF's letter alleging child neglect and lots else against me this fall, and neither of them could be bothered to respond.

The last time I saw the one, a year ago, she told me to my face that she was healthier than me. This sister's only communication I've had since was that recent Christmas card saying she and her Nhusband were there for me. 

The other one did a last minute call for a ride and a meal out at great inconvenience to me this past summer. I didn't respond right away and she called/texted/Facebook messages in rapid succession. But as soon as I told her I couldn't do it, couldn't be bothered to answer, "How are you?"

So no, I'm not in contact with my sisters.  Thanks for asking.

[Yael924]

It's a ways fascinating to me that as soon as the sibling concierge service ends, so does the entire relationship.

Sorry, Cordelia. It must be just awful. The only positive thing is that now you have time to find true friends.

[Summer Sun]

CMC, being ghosted and realizing your sisters don't care is a hurtful and jagged pill to swallow.  i am sorry for the pain you've endured in your FOO.

I can relate to your post.  I am NC with my UPD siblings.  They all feel they are healthier than I, though this is not stated directly, rather comes across in superiority attitudes, covert demeaning, devaluing, ghosting, blame shifting or word salad games if I dare challenge behaviors.  One is major covert p/a, the other two more overt. 

It has taken me decades to see the truth as I always assumed they loved me and cared for me as much as I did them.  Nope.  It was all about me doing for them.  Me, crossing oceans for them while they'd balk at jumping a puddle for me.  When the last huge deed was done for them, I was of no further use, and the devaluing, ghosting, SGing ramped up.

After the grieving, once acceptance settled in, I felt freer, lighter, more myself.  It has been much loss to process, my whole FOO.  As Yael924 suggests, I have more time for lovely friends.  And my DH too.  They are family of choice. 

Hugs and wishes for strength and peace are sent your way.

Summer Sun

[appaloosa]

Sorry CMC. I can relate as I lost my sister too. I always brushed off her mean and condescending behaviors as a 'joke' or her just not realizing what she was saying. Because when she was being nice, she was one of my favorite people to be with. Fun, witty, charming--but it never lasted, and the meanness amplified as she got older. I finally (after decades) couldn't take it anymore. It's sad, but also an awakening. I no longer tolerate abuse or unkind people. You deserve to be with people who respect you and make you feel good about yourself!

[EntWife]

CMC - this title makes me ache for you! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how heartbreaking it is when someone you love as much as your family had such little regard for you. It's taken me years to come to terms with that exact phrase ("my sister never cared"). It's definitely easier to swallow as time passes, but it's still a terrible thing to realize and feel! I hope you find peace and healing!

[Hopelessly stuck]

I can relate to your post.  I am NC with my UPD siblings.  They all feel they are healthier than I, though this is not stated directly, rather comes across in superiority attitudes, covert demeaning, devaluing, ghosting, blame shifting or word salad games if I dare challenge behaviors.  One is major covert p/a, the other two more overt. 

It has taken me decades to see the truth as I always assumed they loved me and cared for me as much as I did them.  Nope.  It was all about me doing for them.  Me, crossing oceans for them while they'd balk at jumping a puddle for me.  When the last huge deed was done for them, I was of no further use, and the devaluing, ghosting, SGing ramped up.

After the grieving, once acceptance settled in, I felt freer, lighter, more myself.  It has been much loss to process, my whole FOO.  As Yael924 suggests, I have more time for lovely friends.  And my DH too.  They are family of choice. 

Hugs and wishes for strength and peace are sent your way.

Summer Sun

This is exactly how I feel. It is emotionally devastating to start the scripts play them over again and realize that everything You thought was true was nothing more than a mirage. I was No contact for 2 years with My Sister. I had a Nervous Breakdown and then a heart attack I resumed friendship with uBPD Sis. I was the perfect example of Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results...

I started dreaming and getting up My hopes that we could be real sisters. I tried to work on the relationship again, carefully setting boundaries. Paying much more attention this time around watching her reactions and behaviors. I began to see things I hadn't seen before, they were there BUT I wasn't seeing them. Now I am More dedicated to seeing things as they really are and NOT so Much that I thought things were. This time I am dedicated to No contact.

My Sis even tried to break it. My son invited My Mother to his graduation. My Mother and Sis are good buds now Mom invited My Sister. I was very gray rock. My SIS then mentioned My text about Her pretending I didn't even exist. (when I went NC with her) I mentioned Yes, and I meant it! She tried to act friendly but I provided her with no details that She could use against Me or MY kids...She invited Me to My Nephews birthday party that was the same evening. So, I went to that also. She, of course, didn't mention the last $65.00 that She borrowed, I haven't talked to her since.

I know I AM BETTER OFF but it still is not easy.
Thank You ALL for Your insights...It is helping me understand Myself and MY FFO better