What I noticed about my in the fog sister and her dog

[newlife33]

I was at a party last night. In the past 5 years we have seen each other probably twice, both times with no conversation. I'm also 5 years NC with my bio fam. while she has remained in contact with them that whole time....

The differences between my life and hers in that time is stark. I have thrived....she has not...and that hurts.

Instead of trying to talk to her or preach, I've just decided to live my life full of joy and talk to everyone around me and just be awesome and hope she sees....which I think is slowly happening in the few times that I have seen her. She has apparantly started to break away and even got a dog...

I met the dog for the first time last night, and we had a very brief exchange about it. The dog was hesitant to me, and my sister went "She is afraid of men because she was abused by one pretty bad."...

My gut reaction was to say, "Just like her owner...."

Fuckkkkkkk!!!

I really am struggling with being honest and going with the flow and having conversations, its actually pretty easy with good people...but with abused people.....its a challenge and I understand why people struggled to talk to me in the past.

So yeah. I hope she gets Out of the FOG.

[Malini]

Newlife33, you've worked so hard to be in the place you are now and know how difficult, painful and long the process of coming Out of the FOG can be.

It's hard to watch someone we love suffer and not thrive as we are. I agree that sometimes all we can do to help those close to us, still struggling in the FOG, is to live our life well. We can lead by example and show that it's possible to leave the abuse and toxicity behind us and give hope that it's possible to heal and move forward.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

First of all congratulations on the healthy life you are building. You deserve to continue on your path and enjoy your life. I think you are doing everything right, and being an example to others like your sister who are still working through things can give them hope. I used to think I had to solve my sister's problems with NPD abuse, and was just too exhausted and drained. I eventually realized I am not meant to fix other peoples' problems because it is a journey they have to take. There is no short cut. I too have had difficulty having conversations with my sister because we just do not have common perspectives. It is just surreal to hear how she twists things around to fit into her reality. I too bite my tongue and walk off. The anxiety being around her however lingers for several days after. Anyway, just wanted to say I think it is okay to disengage and focus on living your good life.

[newlife33]

First of all congratulations on the healthy life you are building. You deserve to continue on your path and enjoy your life. I think you are doing everything right, and being an example to others like your sister who are still working through things can give them hope. I used to think I had to solve my sister's problems with NPD abuse, and was just too exhausted and drained. I eventually realized I am not meant to fix other peoples' problems because it is a journey they have to take. There is no short cut. I too have had difficulty having conversations with my sister because we just do not have common perspectives. It is just surreal to hear how she twists things around to fit into her reality. I too bite my tongue and walk off. The anxiety being around her however lingers for several days after. Anyway, just wanted to say I think it is okay to disengage and focus on living your good life.

Thanks. It is comforting to hear someone understand and relate to my situation so clearly.  Also, I like your username and blueberry pancakes and pie are my fav.

[Danie]

If you are struggling with "being honest" and not saying what you'd like to you could figure out some healthy boundaries in dealing with your sister. It sounds like you have somewhat. You are going to live your life and be happy.
With my sisters I got off the gossip wheel about 10 years ago. If some toxic person says anything about either of them to try to get me to participate--I will not. I have a very firm boundary about saying anything negative or even observational about my sisters. Only positive constructive compliments. I had to make this clear with my UBPD mom!
With your sister, I would just be loving! Be there for her, pray for her, empathize with her. A comment, like the one you thought, could be very, very hurtful and damaging. Good thing you didn't say it.
I don't mean to talk about myself, I just wanted to give you an example of what I did and it has turned out very positive for me. No guilty conscience and no more damage, from me anyway.
There's something very healing for her with that dog. As she loves the dog maybe she can heal herself.