Just a little disappointed in me he says ... (originally dodo)

[Juju]

I made a hugh foopah this morning I mentioned the T word. (trip).  My partner has a severe anxiety disorder. When I got back with him (after a 10 month breakup because of his problems) he promised he would try and do things with me maybe a weekend away sometime, Now that we have been together for over 7 months again the only things he wants to do is house chores and repairs,  I mentioned maybe making such an effort one day maybe sometime in the future.  I haven't expected anything out of the ordinary but brought it up as we were talking about lots of things, well he says "I can see you haven't changed", I tried to explain I didn't expect anything but maybe we could at least talk a little about it.  I want to be with him no one else, but he takes this as a slight a dig an expectation, a subject that is off limits, he says how disappointed he is in me for bringing it up how hard it is on him how bad he feels and why would I rub it in and upsets him.
Geez when he left earlier this evening I said "are you OK" and he said I'm find just a little disappointed I guess. This comment made me mad and I thought wow am I really that inconsiderate?  What the hell, I don't want to let him get away with this comment but I don't know how to respond, or should I even bother!

[Jake Bear]

It sounds manipulative and it is but you have to understand that consciously what he's saying is real to him and his personal experience. So yeah, I gave up on getting my wife to feel differently? This is a subconscious tactic they are using and it works... they are genuinly going through what they say... their perspective is skewed to make it a logical and realistic experience to them.

What I do and have sucess with is out monuving my wife. Cause and effect. If she has control she uses that to hurt me so I've taken that control away from her and if youre unable to do that I'd say you need to focus on protecting yourself and to drop the person from your emotions (focus on you).

[Leonor]

Hi Lily,

I think that your relationship sounds uncomfortable. I'm sorry it's so hard.

You really want to travel and explore and get out of the house and spend time with someone special sharing the adventure.

He really wants to stay at home and feel comfortable and spend time with someone who accepts him as he is.

So he spent the 10-month break hoping that you would miss him so much that you would ease up on the whole travel bug, and you spent the 10-month break hoping that he would miss you so much that he'd be willing to come out of his shell a bit.

Now you're back together after a year of insisting the other person is the one that needs to change, and you're disappointed that he hasn't changed and he's disappointed that you haven't changed!

Neither of you have to change. But this is what life will be like, dear Lily, if you don't. You are the only person who can change. You can embrace this man as is and stay inside with him, or you can go out and embrace your adventurous soul.