Left out of medical decisions

[verum71]

My daughter had a scheduled appointment with a doctor that prescribed meds for ADD.  I found out about the appointment -  after the appointment - from my daughter.  The routine is always the same - I send a message to BPDx on Our Family Wizard saying "Hey, (daughter) told me today about this (fill in the medical issue).  I don't see it on the calendar and I haven't heard anything from about scheduling the appointment".  My BPDx also now wants to have this meeting at her school (daughter is 15) to discuss this diagnosis and it was scheduled at a time where I can't be there and while simultaneously, I don't even really know any of the details of her appointment or what the next steps are going to be.  My BPDx reluctantly gave me some info about the appointment - who she saw and the date.  My BPDx also said in this same message that our daughter has a follow up appointment in a week but "she (daughter) doesn't want you there".  I'm just really frustrated and I am feeling very powerless right now.  I have joint legal and physical custody with my ex, and I have every legal right to be a part of these discussions.  Not sure how hard to push on this one.  It's tough because she is getting older - any feedback on this would be greatly appreciated

[Associate of Daniel]

Ah, Verum, you are not alone.

It is especially difficult when the children are older as they start to want to keep their health information private.

I have been left out of ds's (now almost 16 years old) medical appointments and information ever since he went to live with his uNPD father and uNPD smother 3 years ago.  Right down to the same as you -"He doesn't want you there."

I've just had to accept that he is at least being looked after medically, even if I'm having no input to any decisions.

He's up to date with his immunizations, dentist, optometrist etc.  He's had his Covid shots, which I'm fine with.  But that should really have been a decision to be discussed by his biological parents.

Thankfully he doesn't have any medical conditions like ADHD or asthma that require ongoing medication.

Theoretically, if you present a copy of the court orders to the school and medical practitioners, they should keep your contact details on file and include you in meetings etc.

I've found over the years that some practitioners are helpful and others aren't.  And I've found that they comply when UNPD exH tells them to remove my details from their file and to not contact me.

Is your daughter sensible and capable to keep track of her medication?

But even if she is, you'd probably really need to know the ins and outs of it anyway.

It tears at my mother heart that I've been left out of the privelege of parenting my son in the area of his medical well being.  (And in so many other aspects.) It will take a long time to accept it and heal from it.

AOD