Keeping up with the Jones

[Pepin]

Seems like every neighborhood or street has one of these?  Mine lives diagonally across the street from me.  Moved in two years ago through a closed door sale meaning the house was never listed publicly and was negotiated with the seller who has a real estate license.  The price was outrageous and the other neighbors and I were stunned....that being said, of course it helps our own home values. 

The neighbor then proceeded to tear the house up and redo it.  Easy 100K considering that the kitchen was redone along with everything else.  Turns out they are flippers and perhaps they have a personal rolodex of contractors who work for them?  Anyway, they are always working on their home...never seen inside and sure don't want them in my house because I am embarrassed that ours is shabby compared to all the brand new things they have.   

It doesn't stop there though....upgrading their luxury cars....the latest just happened today and it is jaw dropping....especially after they told me that their oldest is staying in State for college because the "math" dictated it.     I can see where their priorities lie....I wouldn't restrict my kid because of all the things and toys I need to surround myself with but to each their own....

Last year as I was getting to know the wife, I was out walking my dog and ran into her as she was walking hers.  We were just chatting mostly light surface stuff and as I was getting bored and wanted to wrap up and get going I mentioned the weather and how next week was going to be great.  She then launched into something like: well, I won't be here for that since my daughter and I are going to Paris!  And then she had to tell me that her son was also going to Asia for 3 weeks with a friend and that her poor husband will be all alone and hopefully he won't go nuts doing more house stuff!

I later told the above to my youngest who started laughing and was like Mom, you just got flexed on!  Guess she is right....don't know how talking about the weather included me needing to know about lavish trips abroad!

Anyhoo...there have been many other odd interactions.  Not to long ago DH bought a new used car that he had been pining over for years...he has definitely earned it and has enough white hair to prove it.  We have mostly kept it under wraps...very few know including PDmil.  He wanted to show her and I said why -- do you need her approval because she will also loose lip it to the rest of the family...think about that.  DH decided not to tell her.  One day DH was pulling his new ride into the garage when all of a sudden the neighbor is on the driveway and suddenly creeping toward the garage....he just had to see what DH had.  Embarrassed, I skittered into the house and let DH deal with it.  I know DH was feeling uncomfy about this neighbor being in the garage...and we have this running private joke where we refer to the neighbor as OCD because of his obsession with his house....and cars that he washes literally every weekend in the driveway.  As fascinated and excited as this neighbor was to see the new ride, it was clear that he was also seething....because DH had something nice and it was probably being perceived as a threat to the neighbor.

Today, after vacuuming my own dirty car, I return to the kitchen for a glass of water when lo and behold....there is a new car in the neighbor's driveway.  *sigh*   A very expensive car...an upgrade of another car they had.  IDK...maybe it is a lease....but OMG.  I just want a big tent over my house and the ability to make our cars invisible when we leave and return to our home.  I feel like we are being watched...and I am so grossed out.  I have no idea why they live in our neighborhood with their fancy cars and all that they have done to their home (which IMO they cannot recoup any time soon if they sell!) -- it is just odd and very out of place. 

I thought that maybe I was slightly starting to warm up to these people after some "nicer" conversations -- thinking that maybe I had misjudged them and now I am not so sure...I cannot escape seeing these people and their home and cars as it is right across from the big window over my kitchen sink.     Did I mention that my neighbor dresses like Mr. J Crew?  Pink, lavender and baby blue pants?  Yeah...he is that kind of guy.  Much more to tell but exhausted just writing what I have here...   

[Call Me Cordelia]

Do you live next to my in-laws? Seriously, they have a serious addiction to remodeling and foreign travel. It's where I've thought they've gotten their sense of self-worth for years.

Honestly, I think your neighbors' behavior sounds embarrassing... but I'm embarrassed for them. Healthy people do not judge people based on superficial things like what kind of car you drive. Healthy people do not flaunt their "wealth"and trips abroad. They may have those things. But to turn a bland remark about the weather into a brag session, so something my uNMIL has done. These neighbors possibly are judging you and thinking themselves superior. Bully for them. They apparently have that emotional void, and they're filling it with debt, sounds like.

This sounds like a case for Medium Chill. Posers gonna pose, but you don't have to be the audience. You're busy. With stuff. Nothing exciting. You wanna check out my car? Sorry, gotta go.

All the same, it sounds super annoying. My wannabe upper-class Catholic school was full of fake people like that. It's irritating when you feel stuck with those people right out your door, and maybe feel a little insecure about your own possessions? Just guessing. Sorry if that's just me projecting. But it's surprisingly easy to not know one's neighbors. Good luck.

[clara]

For a minute I thought you were discussing my neighbors across the street, Pepin!  Anyway, what I've come to notice over the years with them is not just the constant need to improve and upgrade, but a constant need to be doing "something anything" involving the house.  It's gotten past ridiculous and is heading towards downright sad.  They spend all their free time working in and around the house (mostly in the yard) and since they started working from home, they're endlessly fiddling and fixing and buying and installing to the point where it's an almost daily occurrence, where it seems they never even leave the house for any extended period of time, and will be working on stuff in the worst weather.   I actually feel sorry for them because it's clear their entire self-esteem is tied up in that house and their constant need for renovation is just an expression of that need for ego-boosting and their dependence on others in the neighborhood to see and admire them and give them that ego boost.   

[Pepin]

It's irritating when you feel stuck with those people right out your door, and maybe feel a little insecure about your own possessions? Just guessing. Sorry if that's just me projecting. But it's surprisingly easy to not know one's neighbors. Good luck.

Absolutely.  Do I feel insecure about what we have, hell yes at times.  we live in an old house that it seems most everyone adores EXCEPT my immediate neighbors.  I have this neighbor on the left that built this eyesore modern thing that in no way looks like anything else in the neighborhood.  The neighborhood has many historic and original homes.  I write about the neighbor to my left because they have been vocal in letting me know that I and other neighbors are "less than" (aka peasants) because our homes are older...despite renovation or remodeling.  But I have to scratch my head and wonder why they would say something like that....I think it is because they have gotten a bad rap for their modern home that clearly doesn't fit in the hood.  Oops.  so they are going to lash out....and clearly narcs.

The neighbor I talked about in the original post has a history in flipping homes.  Has to get everything all gussied up and then pack their bags and move on to a new adventure, leveraging as they go, I guess....and growing their ego.

I actually feel sorry for them because it's clear their entire self-esteem is tied up in that house and their constant need for renovation is just an expression of that need for ego-boosting and their dependence on others in the neighborhood to see and admire them and give them that ego boost.   

100% . Nailed it.  Ego boost.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Your neighborhood sounds charming! I do indeed adore old houses. I love the authenticity of craftsmanship, and to restore and take care of an historic home well is a never-ending labor of love.

Of course narcs can't understand or value any of that. To have their self-esteem tied to the house, and for it to be so stinkin' obvious they're doing it all wrong with a modernist monster in Mayberry, that's a perfect recipe for narcissistic injury and rage.