Wasting time

[11JB68]

I've been posting since12/1 about updh's fight with his client.
Right now we are trying to get ready to take ds back to school and I am waiting for him. He is working on yet another email to the client. The more this goes on the more I realize it has become an obsession for him. Also the further he goes with it the more the client might start to realize how bizarre this is.
Also this is a pattern. He's trying to prove himself right. He's not happy that I didn't jyst agree hee should say goodbye to the client. I feel he will push it so far then it will blow up, or he'll give up, exhausted, then say to me see how hard I tried and it didn't work.  Meanwhile, in 6 weeks he has spent zero time thinking about a plan b. I'm so frustrated with this.

[notrightinthehead]

JB68, do you think you can influence the outcome in any way?  Are you trying to prevent what you seem to think is inevitable by arguing with your h? Are you emotionally exhausting yourself by doing so? In previous situations - have you had success with your efforts trying to influence your h?  What is your plan B? Do you have some money squirrelled away so that you and the kids are safe in case of financial disaster?

[11JB68]

Not right...I've really tried not to JADE.
When he first mentioned it I did say well you'll have to think about your plan b, and he got really upset.
I think the only reason he's trying to make it work is because he doesn't want to think of plan b, and knows that what's involved in any plan b means the type of work he doesn't want to do. I've just been letting him do his thing.
My plan b? Possibly to leave. We do have some money. I make more. If I leave I'll have to pay him support.
I can't squirrel away money. I believe he is ocpd. Very controlling including with money. I have no way to hide money.

[Findingmyvoice]

11jb,
I had the same problem saving money, I was terrified that exBPDw would find out if I started to put money away.
When I bought groceries I would use debit and ask for $20 cash back and put it away.  I only ended up with a few hundred dollars cash, but it was something.

The other thing that I did was I set up a separate bank account in my name at a separate institution.
I was very careful to make sure the bank knew not to mail any statements or information to my mailing address.
My employer does direct deposit and will split up the paycheck between 2 accounts if you ask.
I waited until I got a salary increase and then calculated how much extra it would be per paycheck and had them deposit that amount in the separate account.
I told her that there were no raises this year because of the economy and the company was not doing well (this was true but we still got a cost of living increase).
I did this for a year and ended up with a few thousand, enough to cover expenses for a while after I left. 
It feels sneaky and deceitful, but sometimes you have to do things to protect yourself.
It was a good thing because she immediately emptied our joint savings and chequing accounts and took a large bank draft from our line of credit before I had a chance to put a hold on it.

[11JB68]

Finding, sounds great, except that in our house we print copies of pay stubs and file them...and what about when you file taxes?? W2 shows everything.
In fact early on I cashed in a savings bond, not realizing it wound show up on taxes