I would like to think less about my toxic parents. I spend far too much time talking to them in my head and just having them in my mind. Does anyone have any suggestions for a short mantra I can say to myself to help me refocus whenever I find myself thinking about them?
I've seen few online that I like:
"Close the book."
"I deserve peace."
But I'd appreciate other suggestions.
Oh, and Happy Holidays to everyone. I know all too well how tough this time of year can be...
Hmmm...
Trying to think of something that isn't too cliche...
"Hold fast. Do not waiver " was a phrase I told myself at the beginning of NC.
In the some vein, I always loved the Tom Petty song "i won't back down" Sometimes just listening to the song and singing along made me feel very balanced and sure of myself. "You can send me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down."
"Ever stalwart."
Another movie line that spoke to me, from the remake of True Grit.
Great topic! Interested to see what others add.
"Beware of Darkness"
Also a song, written by George Harrison from the album "All Things Must Pass." Actually that whole album is a good one for grieving losses and celebrating and uplifting life.
Very often, in my sadness, "beware of darkness" reminded me that my brain could lead me down a very shadowy path and that it was up to me to control whether or not i led myself there.
I like very much the Tom Petty song I think it is "Refugee" The lyrics are "Sometime somewhere somebody must have kicked you around some. Maybe you were kidnapped tied up and held for ransom. It don't really matter to me, everybody has to fight to be free. You don't have to live like a refugee" So much truth there.
The phrases I say to myself more than any is :-
The don't deserve me.
It's their loss.
I'm a good person.
I was just born to the wrong people at the wrong time
Hope that helps ;)
See my post of the Optimist Creed (http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=74712.msg653371#msg653371) for my favorites.
My favorite is from an unknown author:
"Trust the Universe that you are exactly where you need to be."
Drop the rope
I like "I deserve peace"!
one of mine is "Its not my job ." meaning not my job to try to fix, not my job to make them feel better, not my job to process their behaviors.
For every scapegoat, golden and lost child, I have one. It's a reminder that we don't have to conform to the PD's idea of what they think we should be.
It's from the movie Logan. I have it written on a dry ink board stuck to our refrigerator.
"Don't be what they made you."
Hugs to everybody!
Thanks for the suggestions, everyone.
The one I've been coming back to lately is "Let it be," which has the advantage of coming with a lovely melody built right in.
I know and trust my own mind.
I am a good person and I am worthy of love and respect.
The past is finished. Learn from it and let it go.
Stop getting distracted by things that have nothing to do with your goals.
Let go of whatever is hurting your heart and soul.
To go along with the theme of "letting go":
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201801/healing-toxic-childhood-the-two-words-you-need-most
Great article, Marisa. Thanks for posting.
Another one I am trying out is "Honor the pain."
I'm not sure it's a mantra;
"I only care what I think."
About any given subject. Not what my PD FOO thinks about me, my kids, my house, their opinion on anything means nothing to me. Their programming didn't work. I only care what I think. :wave:
A second for "drop the rope." It's such a good visual for me when thinking of my uNM.
Mine is, "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." - Unknown.
I always think that I jumped off the merry go round or the crazy train(insert Ozzy voice)... so much happier! To stop my mind from lingering- watching the Hands Maid tale worked! lol Hugs & great post! :bighug
Peter Gabriel's Solisbury Hill.
It's my healing theme song.
Gentleness to all.
I'm a Drop The Rope girl.
Quote from: Leonor on January 02, 2019, 05:14:25 PM
Peter Gabriel's Solisbury Hill
I have always loved that song! It was my mantra!
I just think "Toxic Alert" And force myself to think of someting else. Not exactly a Mantra, more of a stop think method to reduce the amount of thoughts about her.
I love this thread.
Not so much a mantra, but I love the poem 'nobody but you' by Charles Bukowski. The whole thing is great, but the part that resonates with me is:
'nobody can save you but
Yourself
And you're worth saving
It's a war not easily won
But if anything is worth winning then
This is it'
"Forgive Everyone Everything". My mantra, just works for me.
I love this. Thank you.
Quote from: Rize on January 24, 2019, 11:16:41 AM
I love this thread.
Not so much a mantra, but I love the poem 'nobody but you' by Charles Bukowski. The whole thing is great, but the part that resonates with me is:
'nobody can save you but
Yourself
And you're worth saving
It's a war not easily won
But if anything is worth winning then
This is it'
Whenever I ruminate on my pd mom and toxic FoO I try to say to myself,
"God, please heal me"
sometimes I add
"...please help me to focus on my own life... so I may become my best self."
This would work for any higher power belief one may have - just substitute your choice of HP.
"What I do is not up to you." (from a button I bought on Etsy!)
I can treat myself as kindly as I would anyone else's child.
I will not allow my inner perpetrator to abuse me like they did.
Still here.
I got out in time.
Breathe.
I can rest in my body. I am connected to the earth. I belong here.
The wild is not necessarily safe but it is alive, as am I.
I am allowed to feel what I feel.
My body deserves my respect.
Quote from: coyote on January 24, 2019, 12:06:31 PM
"Forgive Everyone Everything". My mantra, just works for me.
For my part, that is among the best in this thread. There is health to disocciating with a "not my circus, not my monkeys" sort of line. And there is strength to mantras that affirm your own worth.
But the ninja level of everything is -- without for a moment sacrificing our own ability to thrive -- affirming our commitment universal compassion.
What a great thread! I really enjoyed reading everyone's mantras.
I usually use these:
Drop the rope
Things are as they are meant to be
I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect
Though sometimes I find myself dealing with extreme PD behavior. In those cases, I usually think of the Looney Tunes opening credits. I find that this helps me to focus on the ridiculousness of the PD behavior.
Here's a link, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jTHNBKjMBU
Not my circus, not my monkeys!
I'm actually lucky I was the scapegoat.
It forced me to run.
I got out.
I also love this line from Aerosmith's "Dream On"
You got to lose to know how to win.