Injustice

[MeFirst]

One feeling that has been bothering me and making me both upset and angry is the injustice in the relationship. I feel I wsnt the record set straight that it wasn't my fault, that he was the abusive one, that he was the one who cheated, he was the unreasonable one, etc. I'm not sure who I want to prove this to....maybe myself, maybe the world. It just created such a frustrated feeling in me.

[Hattie]

I totally get this. It's like, I have all this anger. There's no point voicing it to him,as he won't accept responsibility. So just WHAT do I do with it?

My therapist said to use it as energy to build a new life. And to defend myself and keep myself safe. That's the best answer I've found.

But yeah, there is something unsatisfying about it. I have a lot of dreams where I am just yelling at my ex, and the woman he cheated on me with.

[maybeimthecrazyone]

many months after the end, i sometimes recall injustices, and began to mutter to myself my position, expressing all my indignation and points of view... as if it would do any good...

sometimes i theorize it's because
1. i miss the routine of arguing so my mind creates it. one can become inured even to bad things.
2. it serves as a positive function to keep bad experiences in the memory, just in case I need to look it up, so I do not fall into the trap again... like reminding myself how crappy it was, just in case they come back calling.
3. or the most radical idea, it's as if the memories are alive AND trying to stay alive. if left alone, unrecalled, they cease to exist. I like this idea the best. when i start thinking of old injustices, I imagine them to be nasty  beasts wanting to be seen because they know if i stop paying them attention, they will lose all their power and die. kill those nasty beasts!

peace be with you.

[blunk]

MeFirst, I can definitely relate.

During my marriage to BPDxh I became removed from all of my friends and most of my family. The only people we associated with were his friends group, and even that was rare. I hung around with the wives/gfs of his friends, but only on a handful of occasions. My sense of injustice came from the idea that in the version of events he told to all of these people, I was the one at fault. I was unreasonable, unwilling to work on the marriage, didn't appreciate the efforts that he had made  A couple of these "mutual friends" approached me to get my side of things, and I initially tried to maintain some of the friendships, but eventually had to cut all ties as things I said to them started getting back to him.

Yet when I first reached out to my cousin to tell her about the abuse and wanting to file for divorce he said he was afraid I would tell her everything and then my family would see him as the bad guy.

[Poison Ivy]

There are days when I have a strong urge to stand on my roof and scream, "My ex-husband screwed up our marriage and my life."  Good thing I'm afraid to take that final step off the ladder when I'm cleaning the gutters.... 

[October99]

You all might be better than me because I think there were times when I did scream those things with other people around. The abuse and agony went on so long that I just couldn't do it all the time. With two kids involved too, it is necessary that I prepare them for what life with their dad will be like. I'm not sending anyone in to deal with him without equipping them with the knowledge and awareness of what kind of person they are dealing with and that I know it. I can't say that we really had any mutual friends left by the end anyway and family had been well cut off so that when things split it was my family and his family. The kids make it so hard and forced me to do things in ways I might not have otherwise.

[New.life.at.50]

I feel exactly the same way! He actually told me he had been talking bad about me for as long as he can remember. He tried to add in my settlement restraining order that I do not speak of our case, except to therapist and lawyers. Uh, no, I did nothing wrong and I can tell the truth to whomever I wish. I find myself telling my physical therapist, doctors, neighbors, and complete strangers. It feels so much better to me. He used Craigslist to get gay sex and had a year long affair with 2 young women. If he hadn't been so evil to me for discovering his " other life", I probably wouldn't tell many people.

[Whiteheron]

Poison- don't worry. It's happened to me a few times, and I don't speak like that about him in real life (in case it gets back to him or the kids - karma). I think that we are stressed and our emotions are running so high that we slip occasionally. Our unfiltered thoughts just come out onto paper (or screens).

it is very, very difficult to know you will never be heard. I just want to sit him down and let him know exactly what he did to me and how it was so very wrong. And I want him to feel it. Really feel it. But I know he can't. He never will.

My stbx also wants to regulate what I say and who I say it to. He even criticized me for "bashing" him in my journal - which he found and submitted to the court. I was not allowed to see a T for myself, or his T, who had repeatedly asked to speak with me, because he was afraid of what I would say (which signals to me that he knew exactly what he was doing...).

In a court document I suggested I had proof of his affair. In his next affidavit he demanded to know who, exactly, I had shown this proof to.