Confrontation

[Tricia64]

I have just confronted my sister by email.  I am still awaiting response.  I get so nervous I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin.  I feel so totally exhausted emotionally.  I almost feel at times like I am going to disintegrate.

It is just coming up on the 2 year anniversary of my husband's (somewhat sudden) death.  I have been fighting with all three of my older sisters.  I actually just realized it is only next week that is the anniversary.

But I started to think how I feel like I can't even grieve properly because of this.  And even if I am the lunatic they act like I am, wouldn't you just give somebody some empathy just for that itself.  Because I start to feel like maybe I am causing all the trouble, but then I think how lousy is it to even do that to someone like me. 

I almost feel like I am coming apart today.  It is like all the fighting with my sisters is starting to completely take me down.

[nanotech]

 
I'm sending you hugs and strength. I'm so sorry your husband passed away, and your family are not respecting the anniversary. ❤️

Remember;
You are not alone
Choose your battles
You are not defined by your FOO.

[Aingeal]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's so hard to grieve with PD FOO around who lack even the tiniest bit of empathy.  2 years isn't very long and with your sadiversary coming up you can experience large waves of grief at any/random moment.  There are stages of grief but they can hit you all at once, they can overlap.  It's completely normal.  You are completely normal.   It does change, you will get through this.

I began feeling less exhausted between the second and third year but the first two anniversaries were the worst.  The first year I was still numb but the second year anniversary was really rough too - I won't lie to you.  Things began to change after the 2 year mark for me.   Please practice self care, eat something - even if it's a bowl of cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner and hydrate - drink lots and lots of water.  Your body is going through an enormous amount of stress now - but you will get through this. 

I used to read posts on a widow site (my husband passed from lung cancer , I have complicated grief due to the PD involved).  I believe the site is now www.widda.org  Having support there like this site very likely saved my life.(you don't have to join the site,  it's an open site to Just lurk and read.

Didn't mean to write a book here - sorry.  Just wanted to send you a  and let you know that I get it.

Especially the PD FOO/siblings

[Aingeal]

And yes - your sisters should be treating you better and with kindness right now.   In a healthy family they would have empathy for you and go out of their way to support you and do what they could to ease your pain not add to it.  It's lower than low to target someone who has already lost so much.  I agree with you.

[TriedTooHard]

I am sorry for your losses.  That feeling of anxiety and depression, waiting for the next confrontation, is awful.  I wonder if they'll ever reply - people like your sisters can surprise us with how they change things up.  Especially once they rile people up, and then go quiet.  Unfortunately, I am familiar with that uPD trick.  Its part of them pouring their toxins out on others, to feel better about themselves.  I hope you can shed off their toxins.

[Tricia64]

I want to thank everyone for your kind thoughts and responses.

I am so sorry Aingeal for your loss.  I really appreciate all your advice.   Thank you so much for all your caring.

I sent my sister some emails about my real feelings.  I tried to be really honest and take responsibility for things I feel I have done wrong myself.  I told her I needed to take some time.  But I was very honest about my feelings which felt really good.  I am hoping maybe there is a way back.

Again thank you all for your thoughts and help. 

Wishing everyone peace.