Lack of accountability

[11JB68]

I'm sort of spinning this off of something that whatthehey and Spygirl touched on in another thread.
This idea that some pwPD do not want to be responsible, held accountable, etc.
I feel like it also relates to the common idea that they are better/more important than everyone else.
UOCPDH has always been on me about getting things done, having a to do list, writing things down so I don't forget etc.
Throughout our marriage any time something goes awry, we need a 'procedure'.
We have an outlook calendar that I update weeklyand leave on the dining room table (not my idea, his). We review it every week. For the weekend days I also write out a list of events/todos, that goes with the calendar, we review it also. This morning there's something I'm supposedto help him with (do for him, but he needs to be there). Its on the list. I have other stuff to do. I asked him when he wants to do this thing, as I'm trying to plan out my morning. He forgot. Now we have a new procedure. When I get up in the morning I need to write a note and leave it with his stuff.
Exhausting. Plus he finally answered me, half an hour. That was 45 minutes ago, he's still not ready. I've already done another chore and I'm still sitting here waiting for him.
He clearly feels his time is more important. Also, anytime anyone asks him to make a list etc, he gets irritated, says he's 'not a secretary'. I guess that's beneath him. But it's ok for me to be his secretary.
Ugh.

[Poison Ivy]

I still clearly remember where I was several years ago at the moment when I realized the following about my then husband:  His goal in life was to be a person I could not rely on for anything. I had received some advice to lower the bar on his behavior; every time I did, his behavior would deteriorate. 

He does get some things done.  But only what he wants to do.  Last week, he came to my house because one of our children was visiting from out of state.  He made a comment about the trees and bushes needing trimming.  (Yes, one of those things I have no skill or interest in but must fit in somehow because he dumped me and the house and all associated obligations.)  Then, a few minutes later, he mentioned that a city worker had mowed the lawn at his parents' house, where he lives, after sending a warning about the lawn's condition, a warning that he ignored.   Aargh!

[StayWithMe]

My mother is like that.  he has lots of good advice on creating a budget (that is to do it, not how to do it), a to do list.  She refuses however, to learn any of the new ways to communicate.  She's in a club with women around her age and they went to e-mails for communication.  She was still paying but did not bother to get on e-mail.

The only time she learned to use an answering machine was when he mother called her every single day starting from 4pm.  She would call about 10 minutes until my mother answered the phone.  And what's even worse, no grandchild would.  She wants her daughter or nobody.

One time my mother asked me to write a fairly complicated letter of complain to the airlines.  I gave her a draft --and that's what I called it.  I told if she wants any changes, to make it up.  There is a limited amount of time that you can complain and still expect results.  She claimed to have lost the letter.  Then found out and told that "there were lots of mistakes."  I asked why did she not mark those mistakes so that I would know what to change.  She looked at the letter again and said"there's nothing wrong."

When dealing with anyone else who refuses to put things in writing; to answer questions with an unequivocal yes or no, these are people I get suspicious of and try to avoid.

[Pinky]

This is a theme in my marriage. I have pointed it out but it seems to make no difference in way I say. I have to as for specific times and dates things will be done. When I point out the he says one thing but actions show another it turns into a fight. When I ask him to clean up after himself it turns into a fight. Any time responsibility is warranted, it gets turned on me and it's like a diversion is created so I end up the problem and the initial concern I had isn't delt with. I am told I am 100 percent of the problem and I instagate things. I know in my heart that not true and that I. Dealing with a person who isn't strong enough to take ownership or insightful enough to see their part. I  being told how I need to talk and actually given scripts of how to talk and shown where I went wrong. How do you handle the blame and things getting turned back onto you? What have you found that helps you maintain yourself and your sanity? I feel like. Losing myself.