Recommendations for privacy/protect from snooping

[DCF1952]

Aside from password protecting my phone and laptop any recommendations for protecting my privacy? He's been known to be really sneaky, listen in on conversations, look through my stuff.

[xredshoesx]

use incognito mode for browsing if you use chrome, clean out history/ cookies frequently.  i don't use auto save on ANY passwords and always lock my laptop when not in use.

[bloomie]

DCF1952 - this may seem like a simple thing, but it has brought me so much relief. I don't know if you have this privacy challenge, but I do with someone who is so intrusive they will come behind me or sit next to me and lean in to see what I am doing on my phone. So, simple browsing or scrolling and they begin to question who, what, where, etc. 

I now have a privacy screen protector on my phone screen. It works great! And is a small way of taking back a smidge of my right to text a friend privately, read a book I want to, look at golden retriever reels without a hovering presence and then being questioned. 

[SonofThunder]

Hello DCF1952,

I will add opinions from experience with snooping from my stbx.  What assumptions/experiences is the PD considering that causes them to snoop?  I have two PD's in my life and both are very high-radar.  When they sense that they are not being host-fed in a manner as before and/or a manner that is not suitable to uphold their feeding needs, they snoop to figure out what may be the cause.  But snooping imo also serves other purposes. 

Using a fishing analogy, snooping is similar to throwing a lure into the areas of a pond in which the angler knows the fish like to hide.  The purpose of the lure is obtain a bite, catch the fish by the lip and reel the fish in for close inspection/trophy/feed and the thrill of control.  If the angler is not careful to present the lure properly, the fish is spooked away. A overt questioning of you may scare DCF1952 away.  But covert snooping isn't covert enough to hide the snooping, but lets you be aware you are being investigated (control). I want to encourage you that snooping may be subtle bait, delivered carefully for you to JADE (question the snooping) and I will address JADE of snooping in my final paragraph. 

Also snooping behaviors can also be related to other traits. A projection-trait example would be the PD trying to find you engaged in a RELATED activity that the PD is actually secretly engaged.  For example, if your PD was projecting that you may be having conversations with another person that were questionable, then the PD may actually be doing that very thing themselves, and the snooping attention directed toward you diverts your attention to protecting your privacy vs detecting that they are actually having questionable conversations with others.

In my experiences, snooping can also be a way to build emotional pressure in the nonPD and allows the PD to feel powerful. My stbx would snoop in ways that were covert, but not covert enough to be undetectable; like silent treatment.  Silent treatment is a power-punishment and is not actually silent, as the nonPD becomes very aware of barely audible remarks/complaining, not looking at you directly, door slams in the distance, stomping and so forth.  Snooping can serve a similar purpose to let us nons know we are being watched and feel the pressure (control). 

Smokescreening (my own term, not in the top 100 traits here on Out of the FOG), is similar to projection, but it is a created diversion to something UNRELATED that the PD is doing.  For example, if the PD goes through your things and you are now aware and focused on the snoop, that PD-created smoke cloud may cause enough stir, that you don't notice that the PD has done something with family money or taken something precious of yours to the dump. 

Lastly, back to the JADE-baiting by snooping. In my experience the snooping PD will perform this in the careful way I mentioned, so that you actually notice, but its not overt. If the non takes the carefully thrown snooping lure and confronts the PD, the JADE will put the nonPD into a circular conversation double-bind. The PD may then ask you:

"Why do you care DCF!? What do you have to hide??" 
"We should be a wide open book with each other DCF!!, are we not??"
"DCF, you can look through my stuff anytime you want! Can I not do the same??"

The double-bind of the baited JADE, is that there is no response that doesn't give the PD a manipulative advantage.  Therefore, imo the only way to solve this is to go to whatever measure you need, so that if the PD looks over your shoulder or goes through your stuff, you don't care (indifference).  That may mean you keep any 'stuff' that is potential JADE feed for the PD, in some other area of your life in which the PD does not have access (at work for example).  In addition, you participate in any desired, private, potential 'over the shoulder' activities at a place and/or time in which the PD is not going to be over your shoulder (library? while he's asleep? coffee shop?). 

Best wishes to you on becoming indifferent to the snooping by fully understanding its many trait objectives for the PD. 

SoT

[bloomie]

SOT thank you so much for your insights on snooping!  Saving this to my journal to return to!

[moglow]

Firefox (and possibly other browsers) can be set to always clear history and cookies on exit. You'd need to be diligent about closing browser each time you step away from phone or computer, but if backed into a corner to open it at least whatever you're hiding won't pop back up. You could keep chrome or other browser open to backyard farming as your go to, only use Firefox for Out of the FOG.

[SonofThunder]

SOT thank you so much for your insights on snooping!  Saving this to my journal to return to!

You are welcome Bloomie.  Hoping my experiences may come alongside or be helpful to my Out of the FOG comrades. 

SoT

[sunshine702]

I know international journalists (who could be killed for their work) use Proton Mail.  I imagine at this point the best of the best can crack it but your average PD snooper can't.

[DCF1952]

Thank you for the suggestion!